sassyk54

I dont know where to start. I am female age 54, my mother, my sister, my daughter, husband are all alcholics. My son is 26 and loves to drink and smoke pot. I am surrounded by all of this and have gone through so much up till now. Its too much to name. My daughter is married, with 3 of my grandchildren who i rarely see since they live in another state. My heart is empty. I feel so numb, and no place to run. How do you avoid half your family. My brother was a heroin addict. There is so much you would need to know in between that a few sentences hardly tells you the whole story. The main idea here is I cant handle much more of this. No one is willing to admit, go to class, which my daughter has in the past. My son also went thru the 12 step program, which i think he thought was a joke. I have a husband who basically drinks everyday., blames it on a hard day and a drink calms him. Thing is its not only beer he buys bottles of hard liquor. So im dealing with alot of temperments. It has me crazy. I feel so alone. Like no matter which way i turn i run into one of them with a problem. I do not drink, nor take drugs. My children never had to see me as they were growing up, I just did not partake in that activity so to speak.
Heres an example: Its late and im getting ready for bed and i see my daughter come online ... she sends a link for me to listen to.. its of a funeral march with music. She tells me to listen and says this is what i want.. I finally gather she is drinking, cause of the mood swings, and the feeling sorry for herself. I dont like to take what she says for granted but, she's done this on and off for attention many times. Its ashame a mother has to put her head down on the pillow tonight to think that as her last thought.
As i get some feedback in here i can go on with more of whats going on in my life. In the mean time.. What can i do? How do handle each situation when i have so many loved ones in my life that either has their head in the bottle of some sort of drug. My other brother, has COPD and smokes pot. Its so overwhelming at times, i wish i could just disappear.. Any advice?
Thank you for listening..

Glenna9802

The most important thing you can do is take care of YOU!!!!

I've heard it said that you can't pick your family. I know you love them, of course, but maybe you could add some positive people to your life.

I know it's hard not to worry about people you love, but you didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it.

Take care of yourself.

aasharon90

I would agree that you need to take care
of you now. It's that important. Standing
strong against all of what ur going through
isnt easy. However u may need to dig deep
within urself for extra strength, willingness
and courage to pick urself up by the boot-
straps and take charge of ur life.

Saying no is ok. This is about u now.

They may not like rejection but hey it's
not about them anymore. It's u and u
deserve to be happy.

Reach out for support and suggestions
here and from a support group in ur
area.

Thanks for letting me share.

Pelican

Welcome to SR, SassyK!

I hope you come back on today. I also hope you will try Alanon meetings for yourself.

I just started attending. After my second meeting, I knew I would keep going back. Want to know what the deal maker was for me?

Hugs! I got hugs from people who didn't smell like booze!

sassyk54

Thank you everyone for your input.... i could really use 3 hugs right now, and those 3 live in arizona (mygrandbabies)., unfortunately i live in Indiana.

guiab

I second Pelican's idea - try alanon meetings. The best thing you can do is try to surround yourself with positive people who like the idea of recovery and sobriety.
And of course keep posting here. Check out some other threads and reply - some of us haven't really grown up yet and could use a grandma's insight now and then.

Kallista

I've walked away from nearly my entire family. It broke my heart to do it, but I did it. They were abusive and alcholic/addicted. I suffered from recurring depression. I had to leave, because being around them made me want to die. I tried to disengage before I left. I tried to get to a place where I didn't internalize the mayhem into self-hatred, but I couldn't do it.

Finally, I left -- I really felt that my only two options were suicide or running away.

It was very hard. I wish I could get a place where I could be around my family and not get crazy myself, but I don't know if I ever will develop that level of emotional judo. I'm glad that I walked away, but I wish I'd found another solution.

Bernadette

hey sassyk--
i like your screen name!
welcome -- My immediate family is full of alcoholics/potheads too.
I HATE IT!!
AlAnon helped me tons - and individual therapy.
You're not alone - stick around!! Things can can better and that horrible feeling in your gut can be tamed!!
peace-
b

justjo

Hi Lady
Wow - you sounded like me sometime ago. My family has an extensive list of addicts to the point I was the odd one out.
My father blamed it on his illness - Parkinsons Disease (now dead)
My brother blames it on the fact he thought our whole family was dysfunctional.
My sister blames it on my mother.
My son blames it on my marriage ending.
I will bore you if I go on -

I lived in this madness for years and it drove me insane!! The absolute crap you put up with just because you love someone is madness.
In the end I had to let it all go and I dont see them anymore. I get the occasional phone call but thats it.
It does really hurt that I dont have the 'Osmond Family' stereotype but thats life I guess. What I did especially with my son was give him a great big NO THANKS Im not buying into this anymore.
I now live my own life with the people I can live with in love and harmony. Its amazing how strong I have become by saying no to what I dont want anymore.
You will never change your families addictions for them - that parts up to them, but you can change your life in happier situations if you let yourself do it. I'd admit that was so hard letting go and every now and again I picture what was and Im back on the right path.
Hugs JJ

sassyk54

How do you walk away, when your whole life is consumed by your family? There is no easy way out, cause its within my own household. I dont have the money or means to live by myself and couldnt afford the divorce etc. Its like im in this box, (my house) 4 walls, son 26 still lives with me. Ive kicked him out many times only to bring in back cause there was no place for him to go. Just doesnt seem like no easy way out. Im tired, emotionally drained with severe depression. I cling to my mother, and wish i had a mother/daughter relationship as much as i adore my mother.
since i was young my mom was addicted to barbitutes. I remember says of her being almost comatose. She was divorced from my father at the time. They have gotten back together and her addiction is still within. Its not like she drinks everyday, she dont, but when she does she cant stop at 1 or 2. I just want to spend as much time with her before i lose her. Life is soo short. I guess im yearning for love, im so empty inside.
my love is the internet, it keeps my busy with all the research and surveys, etc that i do. One thing i can tell you is my family knows im there for them whenever. It may not be financially but anything else i go to extent to find the answers or be moral support.
How can i say this? I just dont feel like the family appreciates what effort i put forth. Sometimes it comes down to the money thing. I have a sister who is a RN and it seems like she gets more respect, yet days can go by without calling my mother. But see, thats ok in my moms eyes.
Do you know what i see as being happy? Living out west where the sun shines everyday. the beauty of the mountains, all of Gods greatest gifts, and being able to get hugged by my grandkids. But i cant live too close for fear of my daughters addiction. She is a jeckel and hyde. Its sad. So this is just some of what im going thru. Thank you all for your support, it means alot.