first visit,,, appreciate supportive action I will need to take
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first visit,,, appreciate supportive action I will need to take
Readers digest version.... have just moved out my signifigant other... a harch drinker for over 30 years plus... however when we first got together it was to do things "proper"... yet... have found myself in manipulation and helpless... he is coming over today to gather the remainder of his things... he had to attend yet another funeral of a friend... which ironically was due to alcohol depletion... there was a party of the old timers afterwards... i could no longer be patient and said I'm done... for no efforts of "doing things proper" evolved in the months we were together... if anything it has driven me to becoming "borderline alcoholic"... He still wants to "date"... I was thinking maybe if i set "boundries"... that I want to but only with alcohol free... that may be a step... fully aware it is him to take that first step I'm just exhausted at what steps I can take to no longer "enable" but to stand firm in our original plan to do things Proper. All I get told is... I didnt start over night cant quit over night, however the Wants and Do's are intrinsicly different... Im lost at what to do and any suggestions would be appreciated. His teens live without parents... one already attempted suicide... so I am at the point of no resolve if all his immediate loved ones lives don't give him a "reality check" to take that first step then what am I doing.... It was hard to move him out but I couldnt go on another day with apprehension and worry as to what more problems it will bring to my home and family...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Cassie, and welcome to the forums!
Sounds to me like you're on the right track in the "taking care of you" department. Have you tried any alanon meetings? If not, that might be a good next step.
Do I sense a little guilt in your post? Please know that you don't owe anybody your peace of mind, and letting this man drive you nuts won't make him any better. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
I'm glad you found us.
Hugs,
Smoke
Sounds to me like you're on the right track in the "taking care of you" department. Have you tried any alanon meetings? If not, that might be a good next step.
Do I sense a little guilt in your post? Please know that you don't owe anybody your peace of mind, and letting this man drive you nuts won't make him any better. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
I'm glad you found us.
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Try to take him out of the equation
And think about what's best for you. What will make your life better? What will make your days saner?
No, he didn't get to this point overnight and he won't get healthy overnight either. But there is no law that says you have to live with him while he gets his life back together.
He has to deal with his problems and you have to deal with yours. I think you are on the right track to a better life. Stick with your gut instinct on what is best for you. That generally steers you in the right direction.
Peace,
Gabe
No, he didn't get to this point overnight and he won't get healthy overnight either. But there is no law that says you have to live with him while he gets his life back together.
He has to deal with his problems and you have to deal with yours. I think you are on the right track to a better life. Stick with your gut instinct on what is best for you. That generally steers you in the right direction.
Peace,
Gabe
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Just wanted to welcome
you Cassie. Hey, your
doing the right thing for you
at the moment, that is all we
can do, go on taking care of our
selves.Leaving the rest to our HP
to handle,I have learned my powerlessness
over alcohol,to those of us that try
so hard to save we find that we
can only save ourselves.
Keep coming back and do seek out an
alanon meeting,yu wont be sorry!
Hugs
liddy
you Cassie. Hey, your
doing the right thing for you
at the moment, that is all we
can do, go on taking care of our
selves.Leaving the rest to our HP
to handle,I have learned my powerlessness
over alcohol,to those of us that try
so hard to save we find that we
can only save ourselves.
Keep coming back and do seek out an
alanon meeting,yu wont be sorry!
Hugs
liddy
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