I'm new and need some advice and encouragement?

Old 02-22-2009, 06:13 PM
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Question I'm new and need some advice and encouragement?

This is my first post on the board I've been married 11 years and the last 2 years have been a "struggle" with my AH. I begged he promised to stop I begged he promised - you get the picture. Anyway about 36 days ago I had it and said enough and told him either go to rehab or pack and leave. He left but then came back an hour later and said he'd go to rehab Luckily we are 20 minutes from one of the top treatment centers in the country so boom he was there. After the first week he called me and for the first time in his life he sounded alive and he even said it too. OK he was there for 30 days and all our visits were fabulous and he and I talked for hours and I was doing my Alanon and did the family week blah blah.

He came home this past Wed I was nervous but excited and so was he (he missed the dog, lol). That night he went to AA and I went to Alanon. Next day was good he went to his AA and he was meditating, etc. I will say I was not understanding on why he refused to take the Campral anymore when he had been taking it three times a day for his entire stay. My thought is take all the help you can get (but I kept that to myself).

This weekend all he is doing is laying around the house doing nothing just like he did before treatment. Yet when he was in rehab he was so proud of himself b/c he did laundry, cleaned, etc.

Last night he slipped going into a store and hurt his back (he has sciatica nerve pain and a bad disc). He asked if I had any pain pills from my surgery a few months ago and I about fell over but I told him no I had thrown them away. But said to take Tylenol or use a heating pad or see a doctor - he smiles and says it is fine. All day today he waits till I leave the room to get up and move so I don't see him in pain. So with this he is saying it is too cold to go to AA and today he said he woke up too late to make the meeting. We live in a BIG city and there are tons and tons of meetings - not to mention he hasn't gotten a sponsor yet and that was one of the requirements from the treatment ctr when he left.

I just see all the happiness draining out of him and although he is not drinking all the personalities of the drinker are returning. He is a stubborn man and I just hate to watch him take what he learned/experienced and enjoyed at rehab and throw it away whether he's drinking or not. Should I call his counselor/therapist at the treatment center? I know he needs to handle his own recovery and I accept that BUT........

I just love him so much and at the same time realize I can't hold his hand in this. I just don't want to miss the sliver of a chance to get him help to get him through this rough spot (either by calling his counselor or ???)
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Old 02-22-2009, 06:32 PM
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hi! I have been reading and posting here for 4 years. I have been with AH for 7 years- all have been a struggle with alcohol and drugs- Mine has been to rehab 3 times now- I know that hopeful feeling you get when they are doing well in rehab and when they come home and are diligently attending AA. I also know the problem of relapse- the slowly slacking off of meetings ect. Know this- you can't make him want to go to AA- (I tried) I was encouraging and offered rides to meetings, nothing worked. His longest stint sober was 16 monthes. In that time I was convinced that he would never go back to drinking- I got pregnant- he started drinking when I was 8 months pregnant- after 16months sober. He was drunk in the room during my c- section. I know what has happened in my relationship- as far as relapse.
Mabye your AH will stay with the program- but whether he does or not- you can't "help" him.
By the way- keep coming back here- I think this forum has kept me sane.
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:27 PM
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HI! Welcome!

It has to be his choice to go to a meeting or to stay sober. Make sure you keep going to meetings!! no reason for you to stop

remmeber you didn't cause it you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

The one thing that helped me when I wanted to tell AH what to do is this: I would say what I had to say just once. I would say it calmly. I would say it while he was sober. And I would leave it at that. No arguing, no extra comments. It was up to him to do what he wanted with the information.

Keep reading and keep posting!
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Old 02-24-2009, 07:01 PM
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Hello Princess, and welcome to SoberRecovery

There's a lot of great information in the "sticky posts" at the very top of this forum. Take a little time to browse around those and see what you think of 'em. Then, as you get questions or want things clarified, just start another thread and everybody will give you their experience in that matter.

Welcome again

Mike
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Old 02-24-2009, 08:05 PM
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Welcome!!! So glad you found SR, I'm sure there will be many wise people here that can help you with your struggles by sharing their experiences and offering support.

Keep posting and reading and you will be amazed at how quickly you see growth within you!
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Old 02-25-2009, 04:28 PM
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Hi,
If he hasnt had a drink since he got home, I would give him all the encouragement he needs, stubborn or not. You may be able to get one of the counsellors to call him.
If hes home with a bad back, he may start the pity party again. I for sure know that you cant change an addict and you will always hear. 'they have to do it on their own'
In this instance though, I'd talk to him about it. Can he get sponsor/counsellor home visits.
Hugs JJ
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Old 02-27-2009, 10:00 AM
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Thanks everyone for your responses. He is doing great so far (knock on wood)....interestingly enough I have spoken to others who were in rehab with him for alcohol (never could get a call back from the counselors though) and all of them never were prescribed Campral while in treatment, so.... I guess I feel a bit better about him not continuing to take his, BUT my inquisitive mind wonders how come my husband was taking it and others weren't but I can't focus on that....oh what a hard habit that is for ME to break but I'm getting better.

I know I can only pray that he will continue to be sober from here on out but I know I/we have to take each day as a new day but so far each day is getting better with the two of us so I will continue to pray and let him focus on his recovery and I will focus on me.

Thanks again and hope everyone has a great weekend :ghug
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