I don't know where else to go...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Norman, Oklahoma
Posts: 1
I don't know where else to go...
Hello.....I feel so helpless and lost. I don't even know if I'm in the right place, I've never posted on any forum before, but here I go.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic, and I'm a recovering addict. I've been clean since May 2006. The funny thing is, he's been such an influence in my recovery. I have always had issues with his drinking and he's known it, but I thought I could learn to deal with it and except it as who he is. But as time goes on, it's not getting any better, I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with it. I do love him though, so I just need to know how to get over it. I know he's not going to change, no matter how much I want him to. He has cut back for me, but he's still an alcoholic. He might go a day or 2 without a beer or maybe he'll just have a few, but then we're back to half case or more ( more, lately ) for several days. It breaks my heart, to come home from work and look in his eyes, and see that kind of glazed look, and to hear the slur when he speaks. I love to spend time with him on his sober days, he is so great, then I miss him like crazy when he's been drinking.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic, and I'm a recovering addict. I've been clean since May 2006. The funny thing is, he's been such an influence in my recovery. I have always had issues with his drinking and he's known it, but I thought I could learn to deal with it and except it as who he is. But as time goes on, it's not getting any better, I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with it. I do love him though, so I just need to know how to get over it. I know he's not going to change, no matter how much I want him to. He has cut back for me, but he's still an alcoholic. He might go a day or 2 without a beer or maybe he'll just have a few, but then we're back to half case or more ( more, lately ) for several days. It breaks my heart, to come home from work and look in his eyes, and see that kind of glazed look, and to hear the slur when he speaks. I love to spend time with him on his sober days, he is so great, then I miss him like crazy when he's been drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Welcome!
You are in a good, and safe place here, to learn about the issues of dealing with a loved one who is an alcoholic.
A great place to start is the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum.
Take some time and read around, get your bearings, and more of the wonderful, compassionate folks here will be along, shortly.
Hugs to you! Lots of people here understand what you are going through, and have been there, and come out the other side, to a better place.
CLMI
You are in a good, and safe place here, to learn about the issues of dealing with a loved one who is an alcoholic.
A great place to start is the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum.
Take some time and read around, get your bearings, and more of the wonderful, compassionate folks here will be along, shortly.
Hugs to you! Lots of people here understand what you are going through, and have been there, and come out the other side, to a better place.
CLMI
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Alcoholism is progressive, so it will only get worse if he doesn't choose sobriety...this is the sad reality.
Do you work a 12 step program with a sponsor ?
You know you can't control his drinking you can only control how you react to it and if you settle for an alcoholic partner.
If you work a program either he follows your path or he remains a drunk.
It is tough to love an alkie as you know.
If he is not willing to change then you have to decide if this is the life for you.
Do you work a 12 step program with a sponsor ?
You know you can't control his drinking you can only control how you react to it and if you settle for an alcoholic partner.
If you work a program either he follows your path or he remains a drunk.
It is tough to love an alkie as you know.
If he is not willing to change then you have to decide if this is the life for you.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Glad you are here and congratulations on your clean time!
My personal experience and experience with my AH is that cutting back is not enough for an alcoholic. We reward ourselves for good days with a little bonus drink or two (read binge drinking episode). We celebrate victories with alcohol, we drown our sorrows with alcohol, we de-stress with alcohol.
Our addiction can escalate. We will lie and manipulate to cover our addiction. We love alcohol more than ourselves and others.
I am now sober and working on my recovery. I had to want to get sober for myself before I was finally able to stop.
There will be others here soon to greet you and offer their experiences about living with an alcoholic.
Please read and post as much as needed.
Glad you are here and congratulations on your clean time!
My personal experience and experience with my AH is that cutting back is not enough for an alcoholic. We reward ourselves for good days with a little bonus drink or two (read binge drinking episode). We celebrate victories with alcohol, we drown our sorrows with alcohol, we de-stress with alcohol.
Our addiction can escalate. We will lie and manipulate to cover our addiction. We love alcohol more than ourselves and others.
I am now sober and working on my recovery. I had to want to get sober for myself before I was finally able to stop.
There will be others here soon to greet you and offer their experiences about living with an alcoholic.
Please read and post as much as needed.
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
welcome! you have come to the right place! Many of us here have walked in your shoes!I recommend educationg yourself about the disease. Check out the "classic reading" sticky at the top of this forum. A quick, easy read that I found helpful in the beginning was "Marriage on the Rocks" the "Getting them Sober" books are also helpful.
Going to Al-anon was also helpful to me! If you worked a 12 step for your recovery then you know "Get thy to a meeting"
As those that love alcoholics we learn that we must first start tp recover ourselves to find out what we really want.
Remember: "Nothing Changes if nothing changes"
Try to take the focus off your A and take care of you! ((((())))
KEEP POSTING!!!!
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