kermit

I got a call from my ex that child support services is garnishing his check, He had been sending money dirrectly to me the last few months, however they are taking out about $250 more a month than he sends. He has asked me to close the case because he will not be able to "make" it if they start taking more out of his check. He also told me that CCS tried to take 90% but his employer would not allow this.
I guess what I need help with is... shoul I close the case and agree on an amount with him?
I'm affraid. I konw he is doing better and is sober now, I'm affraid of the what if... any way any suggestions, advice and experiance will be helpful
Thanks

LaTeeDa

My first instinct is to let the authorities handle it. Tell him not to send directly to you, you will get it from the state. That way, he cannot back out. If you close the case and make an agreement with him, who will enforce that agreement? Who will hold him accountable? The state has these procedures in place precisely to make sure he pays what he owes. Take advantage of the fact that the state is on your side and will keep him honest. Don't your children deserve certainty after all they've been through?

L

TryingSoHard

I agree with LaTeeDa completely. Let the state handle it. He doesn't have to like it. It's child support and it's his responsibility. If you come to an agreement with him and he breaks it later, what will you do? I have been there and it is no fun. If the state manages the collection and distribution of child support, they will do your fighting for you. They will also make SURE you get any arrears if he gets behind in payments. It's nice to be able to have them on your side if you need it.

laurie6781

First of all I agree with above, DO NOT CLOSE THE CASE. Second, I suspect what they are garnishing is 'back' child support from when he wasn't paying anything.

Third he should send it to the court, it is called CYA, in this case his. That way the state will have a record of everything he pays. I hope you have been reporting the amounts you have received and kept a record of date they arrived and amount of each.

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT close the child support case. These are consequences of HIS ACTIONS that he has to take care of.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

PS The State of California is like a very Tenacious Bulldog when it comes to Child Support and will chase him for years, all over the country until every dime has been paid. The State in this case is WORKING FOR YOU.

FlwrofFrgttng

Totally agree with both previous posters here. You're in for a mess if you take this out of the court's hands so to speak. If it is really proving to be that much of a financial hardship for him he can petition the court for a modification hearing. I just went through this with AH. His financial situation had changed due to the company that he worked for closing. He'll get a packet of papers about his living expenses and income to fill out and then a judge will reevaluate his case to see if he's paying the proper amount for his income level according to guidelines.

Please whatever you do don't dissolve the cs order. If he didn't pay, you'd have to go through all the hoopla again to get another and what about the money that you could have been receiving in the meantime to help support your children? You wouldn't be able to recover that.

kermit

I have reported all the money he has sent, I guess my consern is that he said that CCS was trying to collect 90% of his pay, they managed to get 57% so he says, I do not want him to quit. I was also on state aide for two years and I know that the state wants their money back too. My ex owes over $202,000 to us, this is child support and spousal support. I know it seems like alot of money but when he lived in CA he made good money. I don't want to take all his money, he needs to live too. I guess I'm falling for that trap... the poor me routine.
I'm not sure I am going to see all the money anyway, sue to the State wanting thier money.
He also pays for medical insurance for the kids and has asked if that can be stopped because it is a "hardship" for him.
I wounder if he tells his girlfriend to go easy on her Ex. Just a thought that pops in my head.

dothi

Yup, this is what being held responsible can look like. It's not always convenient, fun, and it can certainly cut into the "fun" budget for a while (how unfortunate). He's a grown man and he'll adapt. Just like you've had to.

Since you don't have access to his finances, how do you know whether it's really 90% or just feels like 90%? Consider that especially if your AH used to have a very robust drinking budget.

Don't slip back into taking charge of his responsibilities. Because of the history, this would be a slippery slope back into old habits, IMO. Hang tight, kermit, and let the state handle it. Like others have said, there are channels he can work through to re-negotiate the arrangement. If he chooses not to, then that's his decision... and not your mess to clean up.

escape artist

let the state take care of it for you. also, if they are taking it you will be able to consider it as documented income- which will help later when you need to get a loan from the bank. they cannot include support if it is not documented. you don't need to "worry" about his side of the street. it is not your problem. so stop feeling guilty. these are his consequences. (our state will throw them in jail if they don't pay child support- which means if he threatens to quit his job so they can't garnish his wage- he goes to jail and STILL owes the money.) it seems like pretty good incentive.

MissFixit

He is an adult. He made choices as an adult and these are the consequences. Being a grown up is hard when you have to pay dues for your misdeeds. He is now learning that and sounds like he wants your sympathy. Be strong. You are your children's and your own advocate, not his. He has to take care of himself now and that means take responsibility for past mistakes. It stinks, but he will survive. You will too.

If you drop the case or "work" with him instead of the state out of pity for him, you will be hurting yourself and your children. If he is making excuses now, imagine the wild excuses he will likely make without the fear of the "court" to protect your financial security.

Barbara52

I agree with everyone else. Let the state deal with it and collect it. It's too danged bad that his past irrespeonsibility is catching up with him. Did you feel so simpathetic all those years when he wasn't paying? Did he care that you had to struggle because you and the kids didn't ahve enough to get by?

sillysquirrel

Do not close the case. Let the state handle it. From what I know about payroll checks and child support withholding (and this may and probably does differ by state), I have never seen an order that requires more than 60% of their NET check to be garnished for child support. If the CS payor has a second family, it is generally no more than 50%. The state will not break him. What he is required to pay is based on his income and what the state figures to be a reasonable amount to support the kids and support himself. Maybe he should cut back on his alcohol intake in order to have some money for food and shelter. Just my 2 cents.

kermit

I will be strong and I will tell him that I will not close the case that he will need to file for a change in support.
Crap I have been up all night, I can't believe after 3yrs he has done this to me again!

FormerDoormat

Why are you worried about him? What about all the hardship he put on you and your children? He didn't care if you were penniless and went hungry. You and your children are entitled to that money. Let him figure out how to live on a pittance. Goodness knows, you had to figure it out.

kermit

I told him today that I would not close the case, however I did tell him that I would try and get insurance here, I can apply for healthy families, it is great coverage for abou $30 a month for the kids. This would put more money back in his pay check and help me in the long run because the coverage he has for the kids has big co-pays and out of pocket expenses.
Thanks to all, I knew if I posted that I would get my strength back!

Lilyflower

Hey Kermit, I am glad you sorted things out. I hope the steps you have taken were because they were in YOUR best interests and not as a aid to him?!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ToughChoices

Kermit,
I just wanted to say thank you for this thread. It is so helpful to be reminded that my desire to "help" my STBXAH at any cost to myself won't magically disappear just because there's a piece of paper saying we aren't married any longer. I have to be vigilant. I have to continually view him as an adult making choices for which there are consequences.

I am no one's guardian angel or loving protector from harm.

I think you're doing so great!
Thanks again.

-TC

BeyondBSC

OOOMMMGGG!!!!! $202,000.00!!!!!!! And you are considering taking this out of the courts hands. Please don't. This will bight you in the a$$ if you do!

CAPTAINZING2000

I'm still paying on my youngest daughter that graduated last may. i was going to pay a month or so more to help her pay a car off.

Was there a change in his job??

How did he get to be 200 grand behind?