prettywoman

Well, I decided to write him a letter after the lost deal I told you guys about it, and tell him how angry I was over it and how disappointed. He called me all day yesterday and I did not answer his calls pretty much the whole day. In the eve is when I finally answered him and we talked for a while.

He started saying that he is not very good at this relationship thing and so on. He said that he did a lot of things wrong etc etc. I listened quietly and let him talk it all out. It felt nice to hear him talk about his feelings because he never does. So this is what I told him. No more bull, I am tired of playing little games with him that he had 2 choices, 1 we together and we going to make this work or 2 we leave it alone and he lives his life and I live my life. I hung up!

I mean this and I was firm with him.
I am in a good place again. I have gained complete control back over my life and life is good. My precious angel is coming home soon and I am excited that he is doing so so so so well!! that is all I care about really. He is my number one concern, the rest comes after.
So in the meantime I live my life and I am happy. I think my ex feels this and he sees the changes in me, I am no longer the victim here, I am a woman in charge. What happened Monday was my rock bottom and I am glad it happened.

Well just a little update I wanted to share with all of you! Love and Blessing to you all!

Ann

Prettywoman

I had a long reply here, and decided to just suggest that you step carefully.

You cannot control him and his addiction. And as long as he is using, he will continue to manipulate. and behave as he has been behaving. Your "conditions" will not change him. His pulling at your heartstrings will not change him. Sadly, it just doesn't work that way.

Let his actions speak for him. Let him show you by the positive actions he takes to address his addiction. And then give it even more time. It it is meant to be, it will be.

You know that I care, but I think this is risky business right now, for you and the baby.

Hugs
Ann

Daffodil

Pretty woman and baby too.....

As queen of one liners I feel I have to say this:

Talk is cheap takes money to buy whiskey....

How much is YOUR serenity worth dear....

You've come so far, think very carefully about what lies ahead for you and baby..

Continued Love and prayers

JT

Alcoholics are not the only ones guilty of manipulation...I am guilty of doing many things trying to make them see what they were doing to me. None of them worked. Oh, I got plenty of lip service...they told me just what I was wanting to hear.

Control is a tricky word...today I do control my own choices... and I make no attempt to control anyone elses. No ultimatums, no either/or, no this or this. Life has a way of working these things out with no help from us.

I have learned the hard way that I don't know squat...any illusion of control is just that...an illusion. Many things have blown up in my face that I insisted on...and the things I let go of naturally find a conclusion.

The hardest part of the Serenity Prayer is "the wisdom to know the difference"

Hugs,
JT

Gabe

Be very careful what you decide from this point on. You are about to embark on a new and exciting life with your baby. I would hate to see anyone cause turmoil in that new and exciting life. You have just gotten to a point where you are living a life independent of this man and his problems. Please think long and hard about letting him back into your life and the life of your baby. Your serenity and your peace of mind should always come first. I have taken a chance on the promises of an alcoholic and gotten burned badly as a result. I would hate for this to happen to you at this point in your recovery.
Peace,
Gabe

Paulie

Monday was not that long ago. Take it from an addict, it is not over for us just because the one we love tells us how much we hurt them.

you have yourself and your child to think of. Actions speak louder than words and time is the best show of progress.

My SO and I had very little contact for a year when we were first in recovery. We did this to see what our relationship was really about. I knew that if it was meant to be it would, if not it wouldn't.

Just my 4 cents worth!
God Bless!

constant

OH MY.....I had to go back and catch up with what was going on, but PLEASE be CAREFUL! You are going to have the little one home soon and you will be very busy. He (the big one) isn't going anywhere, take your time and really think that through.

Blessings, Constant

myles1

Is he doing ANYTHING at all towards recovery? Is he in therapy, a twelve step program? Why are you thinking of taking him back because of words after all he's done?

Talk IS cheap.

Ngaire

PASSAGEWEST

It is nice to believe the lies when an alcoholic is lying to you. But after a while in your heart you know they are just lies, your heart your soul are crying while you are smiling. But you will face the consequence if you dont listen to your gut feelings. I sound like a preacher, it is the last thing I want to sound like. They pour on the sugar when they are in the mood for love making. When they have a few days of this, then its beer or pot, ar maybe a little of all the addictions all at once. You begin to see the patterns after a while. And it always hurts you, but with time the hurts hurt less, and then you realise there is no way you can put up with this for ever. Or at least this is how I feel. The constant let downs, the morning after binging ruins the whole day for the family. And then they pour on the sugar. I have tried to figure it out, but it is an illness is all I can come up with. Need chemicals to feel okay. I would just like a hug. I feel crazy, am I over exaggerating? In time you realise you are not. No ultimatums, no pep talks, nothing alters their course, except for them themselves. The stats are 3 in a 100 will change. I have loved, cared, driven myself crazy trying to help someone, that I now know was trying to change or control him. ...... such is life :p

jojo

Have you given any thought to what your life would be like without him in it at all? Your stress level would drop about 500%!! You wouldn't have to worry about what he is doing or thinking, how you will react to what he says and does, whether your baby would be safe and happy, whether he will or will not hurt your feelings, turn your life upside down, etc. etc. etc.

Instead, you could start thinking about planning your own life in the way that you want to live it. Unless you give up on trying to make him change, nothing in your life will ever change for the better. You will continue to live and die by what he is doing. Do you really want that?

You have never said that he is even interested in cleaning up his act and getting help. If he is not ready nothing you say or do is going to change that. Why do you keep beating your
head against a wall unless that feels good to you. Maybe it does. In which case, you will just continue to do it over and over again. Ask yourself why you want this. Only you have the answer. Have you considered seeing a counsellor to help you though this? Are you planning on going back to Germany when the baby is strong enough to travel? Maybe some real distance will give you a chance to step back and take a more objective look at your situation.

If your objective is change him into the man you want him to be, you will continue to be frustrated and living in a state of chaos. Why not think about the person that you want to be and work on that instead. If you are able to give up on unrealistic expectations of this relationship, you open yourself up to so many options. Give it some thought.

Jo

prettywoman

He is in no program because he does ot think he has a problem!

I decided to 100% pull away now. That means for me to not answer his calls anymore. He called me again last night and today.

It won't hit him that I won't speak to him anymore until he calls a few more times and I am not returning his calls.

It best this way!

My baby came home today and it is wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is doing oh so well and I am excited , now it is all real to me and it will take all my time and effort. I am so in love with my little angel and he is all that matters!!!!!!

prettywoman

Thank you so much for your input!!!

No! my objective is not to change him because that does not work that way. I can't change him or anyone nor do I have the urge to.

My objective is my own life and to live it in serenity and free from his bad behaviors.

I am doing well and will continue to do so for me and no one else.

I am tired of his games and already started to pull away 100% now.

He is not allowed in my life right now at all.

Huggs to you!!!

lyn_blossom78

He's home!?! Wow--little W/A is home! I'm sssooooo happy for you. You must be giddy. Enjoy! Give him all the little hugs and lovin he's been missing out on in that hospital. Give him a hug and a kiss from Auntie Lyn too!

Hugs,
Lyn

jessieandme2003

give every bit of that big heart full of loving you have to that little boy. he is the one who deserves it and will give it backk 100 times over. this little blessing is a gift you will always cherish. take lots of pictures and maybe even start a diary so you can show him later all the notes you wrote each day of his early life. someday he will love to know what a precious gift he was to you at a time when you needed just that.