Alcoholic mom having affair. Help please
 

I’m 25 and my mom is an alcoholic; however there is so much more to it than that. She’s probably had the drinking problem for about 13 years, but just recently admitted to it in the last few. She started drinking again bad about a month ago and went into rehab after a DUI. My family thought she had a few more weeks to go there, but last week when I happened to be at her home she suddenly walked in the door. I don’t think she realized I’d be there. She acted as though everything was normal and said she had to go to outpatient therapy and to tell my step dad that she’d call later. Then she left with some strange car. No one had any idea that she was coming home and we don’t know how she got home.
The other part is that she’s in debt really bad and also is having an affair with a man she met in AA. I am soooo mad about this. I’m not supposed to know. My step dad told my sister and she then told me. I think this is just crazy. My step dad is a mess. He said he would do anything to work on the marriage, but she said she wants a divorce. I just feel like you don’t give up on someone if they want to work on it, leave them with your debt, and run off with a new man thinking it will solve your problems. She has had emotional problems for a long time and I just don’t think it is good for her. From what she says and does we all think she’s just spiraling downward. She lies about where she is and what she’s doing. She thinks this man “understands” her and is the answer. But she thought the same of my step dad in the beginning too.
Another thing is that my family expects me to pretend as if I don’t know so that she doesn’t freak out. I get that she’s out of control and I don’t want to set her off, but I can’t pretend I don’t know. She used to be my best friend and now I can’t even answer the phone to listen to her voice because I just don’t know who she even is now. There’s more to it, but I don’t want to go on forever. I’m mad and I’m scared and I don’t know how to handle this. If anybody has any advice please let me know. Either way thanks for letting me vent for a little.

Pandora, I'm sorry you're hurting and I wish there was some easy answer to your mom's situation.

Sometimes alcoholics do very bad things as part of their sickness. I'd strongly suggest you read around this forum and especially the Sticky posts at the very top. A lot of us have found great relief in local Al-Anon meetings, which are for friends and family of alcoholics to share experience, strength and hope.

Please educate yourself about this horrible disorder as much as you can, and you will begin to see that the answer doesn't lie in doing the right things to change your mom's choices, but instead lies in detaching from her choices with love. You didn't cause this, you can't control it, you can't cure it........but you can save your own sanity.

I'm so glad you found us :ghug3

Hello there Pandora :)

I'm so sorry to hear that your family is getting ripped apart by your Mom's alcoholism. Like GiveLove said, you need to learn more about this disease and how it works. You can start by reading thru the "sticky posts" at the top of this forum. Then grab your phone book, call up the local office of Al-Anon and go check out a few of their meetings. They have _great_ book and pamphlets that I have found incredibly helpful.

We've all been thru something similar to what you are describing. That details are different, but we all have a loved one that is tangled up in addiction. You, and your family, don't have to fight this alone anymore.

Mike :)

You may have to practice detachment from your mom if she is not ready for sobriety.
It is way too painful to have a front row seat as she spirals to the bottom.

Just wanted to say thanks for the support guys. And also was wondering what is meant by "sticky posts." Sorry if thats kind of a dumb question, but I'm new to message boards in general. Thanks again.

When you click a specific forum (i.e. Friends and Family, Drug Abuse, etc)
you go directly to only posts in that forum and at the top is where you'll see
"sticky posts." These are some posts that were fantastic or general or worthy in some way of being saved for many to read