Tarheel

Freedom1990 just said the following on SillySquirrel's thread (thanks, SS & Freedom!!)...

"Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and that doesn't just mean the drinking. That includes all the crappy attitudes/thinking that goes along with it. Take away the alcohol with no true recovery, and you've got one miserable 'dry' person."


What does "True Recovery" mean?

ToughChoices

I'm not sure what it means for an alcoholic, but, as a codependent I can say that True Recovery means more than just getting away from my alcoholic loved one.

For me, really getting better, feeling better, finding hope and peace, meant that I had to do more than just step away from my husband. I had to examine what drew me to him in the first place, why I stayed in spite of my pain, why I placed his needs above my own.

When I looked into my own issues with honesty, I was able to stop engaging in the behaviors that brought chaos into my life. A good counselor, lots of SR participation, journaling, and Al-Anon helped me find my issues and explore them. My counselor pointed out early on that if I didn't work on "my stuff" I would most likely leave my husband and quickly find myself in a romantic relationship with another needy, unhealthy man.

I've never been an alcoholic, but I think the process for someone with a chemical addiction might be much the same.

For the alcoholic putting down the bottle may be the first step (and an essential one), but if the underlying issues are not explored (however one chooses to do that exploration), the cycle of self-inflicted pain is likely to continue.

Just my 2 cents!
-TC

Freedom1990

My disease of alcoholism is threefold-physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Physically, I have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. My body does not react the same way to alcohol that a normal person's does, and when I pick up that first drink, the phenomenon of craving begins.

So in order to start my recovery, my first step was in physical abstinence.

Emotionally, I was stunted. I was still stuck in that adolescent, self-centered, don't want to deal with life type of attitude. I was full of blame, denial, and resentment. I had a sense of entitlement. Recovery taught me to start looking at those behaviors and attitudes, character defects, if you will, and work on changing them.

Spiritually, I walked around most of my life with a 'God-shaped' hole inside of me that I kept trying to fill with outside things, mainly alcohol, drugs, and men. Those things were my Gods. Through 12 step fellowships, I was able to find a higher power of my understanding, whom I choose to call God today.

I had to address my alcoholism/addictions issues first before I could even begin to look at my codependency issues, and when I finally did that 12 long years later, the same approach worked in that area, only you can substitute relationships for the alcohol.

I was just as obsessive about sick men as I was about the alcohol, and I had to make a serious commitment to myself to stay completely out of relationships, period, and basically start from the ground up in applying the 12 steps to my codependency.

Make any sense?

Ago

"True Recovery" means to aspire to the Divine

What this means is to aspire to be the best you can be. To Be the Buddha, or The Christ, or The Mahatma. One theory about "recovery" from alcohol is alcoholism is an imperfect spiritual longing, a "spiritual sickness" if you will, which alcoholics seek to fill that void by drinking wine and ......spirits. It implies that the answer is a spiritual one (accompanied by a ton of behavioral modification)

Step 12 states in all 12 step programs, having HAD a spiritual awakening as THE result of these steps

That implies that the working of the steps is to have a spiritual awakening. it's THE result of working the steps, not A result, The result, it's not a by product, it's the goal, the next step is to carry the message to others, and practice these principals in ALL of your affairs...

The word Sin, as I understand it, was originally an archery term, it means "miss the bullseye", it means "not be perfect", by definition no one is ever perfect, all we can do is aspire to be the best we can be and continually try to improve that.

It's Good to watch for the "7 Deadly Sins" in recovery because they are, deadly, and they are where you are "missing the mark" if you display them. They are there, not because they "offend" God, but because they harm me (thereby offending God as it were), Sins are harmful to me or others. I am not a Christian.

True recovery is being gentle on yourself and others, How often do you hear about Buddha, Jesus, or Gandhi raising their voice to others, occasionally, it's true, but usually True recovery is accompanied by a gentleness...it can also be accompanied by firmness or wrath, it's best (I learned) not to mistake gentleness for weakness in these folks.

To err is human, to forgive is divine....

"True Recovery" is actions not words

Faith without works is dead. That means unless I actively walk the walk, like I talk the talk, recovery doesn't exist. Recovery has little to do with what comes out of someones mouth. If you want to know if someone has "true recovery" ask their spouse (and people that occupy the same stretch of road with them during rush hour traffic)

"True Recovery" takes place in the present

Recovery takes place in the here and now, just all spiritual principals point us to the present, True recovery reminds us to be "present" in the present. I can't be recovered by something I did yesterday, or especially last week, recovery has to take place in the here and now, or it isn't recovery.

If my sponsor asked me what I was doing for my sobriety and I pointed to something I did last week or even last year, he would make tea kettle noises and start sputtering, and if I didn't make some modifications to that statement fast about how it applied to what I was doing right now, what I was doing today, I would be increasing my predicament badly.

"True Recovery" is a process

While I believe in being "recovered" after working the twelve steps, I also believe "recovery" is an ongoing process, there is always another hill to climb, another thing to learn. Unless I am willing to learn, willing to grow, I don't have true recovery.

You are never "at the top of the mountain" and if you think you are, look out because there is only one way to go, and that's down, and take a good look, because that's where you are headed....soon.

There are many ways to "slip", that have nothing to do with drinking.

For me, for example, the two worst things I could do is either pick up a drink or drug, or cheat on my girlfriend. These are the gross deal breakers, these are the "bottom line".

However, if I go on an "emotional bender", raise my voice to another, lie, manipulate, etc. these are all also forms of "slips"

Not drinking is not drinking, True Recovery is changing behaviors, alcohol was but a symptom, unless they get down to "causes and conditions" True Recovery doesn't take place. Since Co-dependency is also part of my dis-ease, I can slip there as well, I can blame, finger point, engage in manipulation, control, have a hidden agenda, lie to myself and others and say I'm "trying to be helpful, when I'm really "trying to control and manipulate. I can continually engage in the same behaviors over and over and expect a different result. I can yell cajole, wheedle and manipulate another to get them to change, all the while refusing to change or look at my own behavior, my own responsibility, refusing to look at those things in me, in my make up, that cause me to fail.

We slip all of the time, in thought, word and deed, true recovery is cleaning up the mess you made (if any) and moving on.

Anyhow, I'm sure I left out a ton of stuff, but this should get you started and spark a lively discussion at your next Dinner party or what have you.

Andrew

P.S. Someday I hope to be Truly Recovered, in the meantime I'm muddling along the best I can.

freya

I really love what Andrew said -- and that's pretty much how I see it, too...with the possible exception of that fact that I really don't realistically have any hope of ever being totally truly recovered.....I mean, to me that is more like a fantasy than a hope, because I don't see it as possible in this life.

I think true recovery is a never-ending (at least in this life) process...and actually that is really totally OK with me, because I am at the point where I really love the journey in-and-for itself and there is really nothing else that I would rather be doing or that is more exciting for or gratifying to me.....and I love traveling along with and helping others on their journeys, too.

...and with all that being said I guess I can also add that true recovery IS the greatest show on earth!

freya

escape artist

i just want to keep bumping this up until they make it a sticky.