Glenna9802

It stirred up a hornet's nest of feelings for me. I cried all the way through. I realized how much I hate myself and don't take care of myself physically or mentally because I don't feel like I deserve it. I feel all jumbled up. I need so much help and a way to like myself and stop living in insanity. The whole experience was really hard.

tallulah

:ghug3

I went to my first on Monday. I'm not a crier but I I started crying as soon as I walked in there. I felt stupid but silently relieved that I was.

I think it is a combination of things. Going there, walking through the door, admitting that someone else has impacted on you, realising as every stranger walks through the door that you are not alone is enormously draining emotionally.

Then when you start hearing other people talk and they hear you talk it is like someone has broken a dam.

When I walked out of there though I felt lighter. Tired and battered but like someone had taken a huge weight off my shoulder. I then was hungry to understand and talk.

Take care of yourself the next few days. Two days after I felt so desperate to talk again: luckily I had someone's number from the meeting so I had a chance just vent a little. I think if i hadn't got somewhere or someone to let the feelings out again they could have been bottled.

Well done... x

catlovermi

Good for you, for going!

It's good to try different meetings, until you find one with people you feel you can connect with, and see people who have "what you want" in terms of what they've made of their life through their Al-Anon recovery program.

Many people feel intense feelings after their first meeting, and can have culture shock at the "stangeness" of how the meetings are structured, but do give it a try for a while, and see if it sets in as something that you think will be helpful and supportive. Many times, the first meeting is just strange, strange, strange feeling! If you hang in there, you just may find some of the best friends of your life, and be starting an incredible journey!

Congrats for trying something new! It's a step in the right direction!

CLMI

Linkmeister

I divided my life into my pre and post Al-Anon feelings. The night I decided to seek out a meeting, I was at my lowest, worst point ever. I couldn't stop crying over ABF's relapse, the nasty things he said to me, it was such a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. I felt so alone and couldn't cope with all of it. I had to wait a few days to go to the meeting and I read what I could on line to understand what the meetings were all about. As the night drew near, I felt a combination of nervousness and fear, not knowing how I was going to react, how everyone else was going to react.

When I walked in, I was greeted warmly by the people already there, shown where the coffee was, given the newcomers pamphlets and was made to feel at home. Once the meeting started, the weight off of my shoulders was immense and I shed a lot of tears but it felt good because I knew that I was among people who had not only been where I was, but who genuinely cared. While I do a lot of listening, I have managed to open up about what's going on with me and it really, really does help to know that you're doing something for yourself.

It was emotionally draining, but in a good way because I could share what I was feeling with people who understood. We were all talking last night at the meeting about how the meetings are our weekly sanity break from the alcoholics in our life, a chance to share, to vent, to be among friends and how all of us make the time from our lives to devote this time to ourselves.

Give it a few weeks. I'm going into my fifth week now and to be honest, it was the best choice I made for myself.

Pajarito

(((Glenna))) I know you said in your other thread that you couldn't afford counseling, but if there is any way you can find one who is affordable, I would strongly suggest you go. It has been the single fastest way I know to process all of the feelings you describe. You deserve to be treated with kindness in this difficult time- and a counselor trained in codependency issues can help you through this. I also recommend you keep going to alanon. You will find it is comforting to know you are not alone. Once things started rolling/loosening up in my head, it was very confusing and hard, but it's the kind of hard work I've had to do in order to get healthy. It's all worth it. Please take care of yourself- be compassionate, feel your feelings and do some good things for yourself today.

Glenna9802

Thank you all for responding. To be honest, I was feeling so much when I got out of there that I really wanted to drink something; however, I didn't. I realize now that I have been drinking my feelings to escape them. I guess if I couldn't beat 'em, I was going to join 'em. I am going to do what somebody suggested, though, which is keep going to Al-Anon and try not to drink on my own, and then if it gets too hard I will attend both Al-Anon and AA. I feel drained, really beat up right now, but I have to believe it is the start of something good for me and the kids.

Spiritual Seeker

Keep going back it works if you work it.

It took me many returns meetings before I "got it" and before I was ready to work the 12 steps. Once I did, the change slowly occurred. The friends I made from my home mtg.
to help me along the way is a gift.

It is suggested that you go to at least 6 mtg. to determine if the program is a fit for you.