I Alway Thought If I was mad enough..
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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I Alway Thought If I was mad enough..
I always felt like if I could just stay mad, I'd actually leave. But I think I'm finally seeing straight now. The mad, hurt, upset and dissapointment has me in a holding pattern. I actually had to stop getting mad to know I'd had enough. You can't see clearly when your upset, and it takes clear thinking to realize it's never going to work out.
I haven't posted about me in a while, I've been reading and hoping for the best. New Year's was a big turning point for us and I actually thought things were going to be alright. He's been home, (imagine that!) helping some with the kids, making dinner and spending time with me. What's the problem you say?
It's all a show.. a show he's putting on so he can prove to me how he's changed and I haven't. It's just something he has to hold over my head when he wants something that I'm not in the mood for. None of it is real. If he wanted to change he needed to do it for him. Because he actually wanted to be home spending time with his family, not so he had some leverage.
Well, the S*#t hit the fan last night. I knew it would.. because I didn't put out at 3:30am after getting up to feed the baby. (He's so predictable) He went out drinking for a while.. which is the other reason I knew it would get ugly. And came home ranting that I only want it when I want it, that I'm not romantic etc. That he's kissing my a** and getting nothing in return. I've told him before he shouldn't be changing as a means to expect something from me. That's silly, it's just putting on a show and I don't intend to follow suit. If he wants to spend time with the family he should do it just to do it, not to get something in return.
I really think I've had enough after this bout. I got blasted last night about the following..
1) the sexy time problems... and he always goes off the deep end with this, saying I think my stuff is gold and it ain't S*#t.. that he's rather F- a dog before he'd F me again.. FINE.. you go right a head and do that!
2) Kids play dates.. he totally doesn't get it! He thinks there has to be something going on for me to join some of the mom's from my daughters school for playdates. He pissed about the latest one because it's at 10:30am on V-day. Ok.. it's morning, who cares? And.. heaven forbid.. the Mom TEXTED me!!
3)He constantly thinks I'm cheating with some guy named Nate.. WTF? I don't even know anybody named Nate. He thinks I creap out of bed at night to make phone calls, thinks I "close out" the computer when he comes around, leave doors unlocked at night for visitors ...and on and on.. Who does that? Please, I have a 4 month old, I'm sleeping at night.
4) My mom is coming to visit next week and he always goes bizzerk when my family is coming. He thinks I act different and just turns to a general jerk chastizing everything I do..
Oh yeah.. I could go on. But I won't. However I'm gonna remember that first one and he shouldn't plan on laying a finger on me for the 2 or 3 months we have left to live together. I think I'm going to need a lot of support in the coming months. I'm just glad to not be mad anymore so that I can see that I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not getting anything out of it.
I haven't posted about me in a while, I've been reading and hoping for the best. New Year's was a big turning point for us and I actually thought things were going to be alright. He's been home, (imagine that!) helping some with the kids, making dinner and spending time with me. What's the problem you say?
It's all a show.. a show he's putting on so he can prove to me how he's changed and I haven't. It's just something he has to hold over my head when he wants something that I'm not in the mood for. None of it is real. If he wanted to change he needed to do it for him. Because he actually wanted to be home spending time with his family, not so he had some leverage.
Well, the S*#t hit the fan last night. I knew it would.. because I didn't put out at 3:30am after getting up to feed the baby. (He's so predictable) He went out drinking for a while.. which is the other reason I knew it would get ugly. And came home ranting that I only want it when I want it, that I'm not romantic etc. That he's kissing my a** and getting nothing in return. I've told him before he shouldn't be changing as a means to expect something from me. That's silly, it's just putting on a show and I don't intend to follow suit. If he wants to spend time with the family he should do it just to do it, not to get something in return.
I really think I've had enough after this bout. I got blasted last night about the following..
1) the sexy time problems... and he always goes off the deep end with this, saying I think my stuff is gold and it ain't S*#t.. that he's rather F- a dog before he'd F me again.. FINE.. you go right a head and do that!
2) Kids play dates.. he totally doesn't get it! He thinks there has to be something going on for me to join some of the mom's from my daughters school for playdates. He pissed about the latest one because it's at 10:30am on V-day. Ok.. it's morning, who cares? And.. heaven forbid.. the Mom TEXTED me!!
3)He constantly thinks I'm cheating with some guy named Nate.. WTF? I don't even know anybody named Nate. He thinks I creap out of bed at night to make phone calls, thinks I "close out" the computer when he comes around, leave doors unlocked at night for visitors ...and on and on.. Who does that? Please, I have a 4 month old, I'm sleeping at night.
4) My mom is coming to visit next week and he always goes bizzerk when my family is coming. He thinks I act different and just turns to a general jerk chastizing everything I do..
Oh yeah.. I could go on. But I won't. However I'm gonna remember that first one and he shouldn't plan on laying a finger on me for the 2 or 3 months we have left to live together. I think I'm going to need a lot of support in the coming months. I'm just glad to not be mad anymore so that I can see that I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not getting anything out of it.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Good for you for stepping back from your anger and upset to really look at your reasons, or lack thereof, for staying in the relationship!! I think that is a very healthy move on your part.
Sometimes I would rather my ABF just go along his grumpy way because it helps to keep me focused on me. When he plays nice and puts up a front, I start thinking he might actually like being around me instead of always wanting to get something for himself out of it, and there's always an alterior motive and that's depressing.
It is a shame that your list could go on and on, but I think by the time you get to where we both are now, the list has gotten pretty darn long!
As to the latter part of your post...I don't have any big plans for the coming months, so count me in for support. We're all here when you needs us.
Peace.
Alice
Sometimes I would rather my ABF just go along his grumpy way because it helps to keep me focused on me. When he plays nice and puts up a front, I start thinking he might actually like being around me instead of always wanting to get something for himself out of it, and there's always an alterior motive and that's depressing.
It is a shame that your list could go on and on, but I think by the time you get to where we both are now, the list has gotten pretty darn long!
As to the latter part of your post...I don't have any big plans for the coming months, so count me in for support. We're all here when you needs us.
Peace.
Alice
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,696
Originally Posted by isitme 
he always goes off the deep end with this, saying I think my stuff is gold and it ain't S*#t.. that he's rather F- a dog before he'd F me again.
It hurts my feelings and p*sses me off SO BAD just reading this.
To me, this is verbal and emotional abuse of the worst kind, and it is absolutely indefensible.
No one deserves to hear this. No one.
Take care of yourself, isitme.
You're in my thoughts today.
-TC
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Winder, Ga
Posts: 14
OMG are we married to same guy??? Mine acts the exact same way about sex. I honestly believe he's just as addicted to sex as alcohol. I can admit I have had sex so many times when I didn't want to. It was easier to lay there for 5 minutes than to get in a fight.
Courtney
Courtney
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
I know what you mean about lay there for 5 mins.. but that still gets me in a fight because he says I'm "not into it" I guess I can't fake it well enough either.
Thanks Alice - I'm sure I'll be around. I'll try not to whine too much and focus on the positve.. LOL We'll see how that goes.
Tonight should be fun.. I'm preparing for the "what's up with you" conversation since I didn't bother to call him today.
Thanks Alice - I'm sure I'll be around. I'll try not to whine too much and focus on the positve.. LOL We'll see how that goes.
Tonight should be fun.. I'm preparing for the "what's up with you" conversation since I didn't bother to call him today.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
(((isitme)))....Boy do I ever understand! I understand the verbal abuse, the paranoia about cheating, all of it. Take care of you and that little one. Come here often for support. I'm glad you have a plan to end the madness.
BTW, mine says the EXACT same thing about me texting and talking to another man, and he thinks I'm having an online affair.....I'm guesing he's got a bit of a guilty conscience. The LAST thing on earth I'd want to do right now is have another relationship. Heck, I don't have the energy for the one I've got!
BTW, mine says the EXACT same thing about me texting and talking to another man, and he thinks I'm having an online affair.....I'm guesing he's got a bit of a guilty conscience. The LAST thing on earth I'd want to do right now is have another relationship. Heck, I don't have the energy for the one I've got!
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NOVA
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by isitme
...3)He constantly thinks I'm cheating with some guy named Nate.. WTF? I don't even know anybody named Nate. He thinks I creap out of bed at night to make phone calls, thinks I "close out" the computer when he comes around, leave doors unlocked at night for visitors ...and on and on.. Who does that? Please, I have a 4 month old, I'm sleeping at night...Oh yeah.. I could go on.
I feel your pain. This portion of your message actually made me giggle only because I've been accused of similar ridiculousness. The things they come up with amazes me. The more I read the post the more I'm beginning to think that alcoholics are members of the Borg.
The Borg are a fictional pseudo-race of cyborgs depicted in the Star Trek franchise. They are depicted as an amalgam of cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of multiple species, organized as an inter-connected collective with a hive mind, inhabiting a vast region of space with many planets and ships. They operate towards one single-minded
Stay strong and never lose your sense of humor. You are not alone.
mtr
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
mtr, that's awesome!! I had not thought of that, and it's a perfect comparison!!
But the Borg's standard response to any form of communication is that
"Resistance is Futile."
We all know that's a load a hooey!
There is another similarity here that I find amusing, mtr, and that is the way a weakness of the Borg is used against them and that is their "sleep" function when they all power down as a collective unit.
No matter what level of intoxication my ABF comes home in, I know that as soon as I feed him, he will pass out for the night. If I have plans to watch or movie or talk with friends online/by phone, I have dinnner waiting when he gets in. The heavier the meal the better.
I like to think of it as my secret weapon.
Peace through the power of Pizza.
But the Borg's standard response to any form of communication is that
"Resistance is Futile."
We all know that's a load a hooey!
There is another similarity here that I find amusing, mtr, and that is the way a weakness of the Borg is used against them and that is their "sleep" function when they all power down as a collective unit.
No matter what level of intoxication my ABF comes home in, I know that as soon as I feed him, he will pass out for the night. If I have plans to watch or movie or talk with friends online/by phone, I have dinnner waiting when he gets in. The heavier the meal the better.
I like to think of it as my secret weapon.
Peace through the power of Pizza.
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