Why not?
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Why not?
I was feeling sad as my roomies fought and one of them (my friend) and I have to look for another place to live.. of course triggering thoughts of fear, money concerns, starting over from 0, spending a few months without fridge, etc.. after moving 5 times last year... I am tired to look for a home!
Today I will go see a flat that is in a nice place, a little bit over my budget $$... but I thought..what the hell, I deserve it... I deserve to get to a comfortable home... it is far away from places that cause triggers.
I am also doing my best on avoiding all of his friends, contacts, etc. and I do not miss any of those people. My life is much better now that I do not expect anything from anyone... I have thought that what I need most now is a feeling of protection... who is the best one to fulfill this? My HP... and so on I am trying to align my needs with the one who is able to provide them in abundance... why would I have expected love from a person that does not love himself, ergo do not know what love is? I just *started* to replace the jealousy I had for his life with a good feeling about him being OK and happy now... perhaps our separation meant a liberation for the two of us. If I had clung to him he would not be happy now. And I feel that in letting me go he also gave me a lot of tough lessons and thanks to him I will also be able to enjoy my life more from now on. If we kept being together I would be stuck in my old patterns without motivation to improve so many aspects of myself. He pushed my own bottom. About his bottom, well, HP knows....
I am starting to feel less menaced by the others and more full and fulfilled in myself.
I will live alone and instead of afraid I feel excited about the prospect of being able to move forward in my life and being able to afford my own place, manage my time and activities....
Finally I am starting to feel free and loved, instead of sad and afraid. I am enjoying talking to nice people because I have spent most of my time alone these months.
I wish luck to everyone that is moving on physically or mentally, know that you are not alone and I think a lot about you.
PS Do you like the St Michael picture?
I gave him all my disastrous feelings, thoughts, etc. and I think that today he is answering my prayers.
Today I will go see a flat that is in a nice place, a little bit over my budget $$... but I thought..what the hell, I deserve it... I deserve to get to a comfortable home... it is far away from places that cause triggers.
I am also doing my best on avoiding all of his friends, contacts, etc. and I do not miss any of those people. My life is much better now that I do not expect anything from anyone... I have thought that what I need most now is a feeling of protection... who is the best one to fulfill this? My HP... and so on I am trying to align my needs with the one who is able to provide them in abundance... why would I have expected love from a person that does not love himself, ergo do not know what love is? I just *started* to replace the jealousy I had for his life with a good feeling about him being OK and happy now... perhaps our separation meant a liberation for the two of us. If I had clung to him he would not be happy now. And I feel that in letting me go he also gave me a lot of tough lessons and thanks to him I will also be able to enjoy my life more from now on. If we kept being together I would be stuck in my old patterns without motivation to improve so many aspects of myself. He pushed my own bottom. About his bottom, well, HP knows....
I am starting to feel less menaced by the others and more full and fulfilled in myself.
I will live alone and instead of afraid I feel excited about the prospect of being able to move forward in my life and being able to afford my own place, manage my time and activities....
Finally I am starting to feel free and loved, instead of sad and afraid. I am enjoying talking to nice people because I have spent most of my time alone these months.
I wish luck to everyone that is moving on physically or mentally, know that you are not alone and I think a lot about you.
PS Do you like the St Michael picture?
I gave him all my disastrous feelings, thoughts, etc. and I think that today he is answering my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I'm glad St. Michael is watching your back, dreamer!
Congratulations on all of this great progress. You have come so far!!!
As for protection, I missed the thought of that too (though what kind of protection does one get from someone who's falling down drunk? Not much)
Maybe it would help to think about all the ways you envision yourself needing protection. What kinds of protection, and from what? Once you know what you're fearing happening, it can be a lot easier to find other ways to protect youself from it.
Congratulations on all of this great progress. You have come so far!!!
As for protection, I missed the thought of that too (though what kind of protection does one get from someone who's falling down drunk? Not much)
Maybe it would help to think about all the ways you envision yourself needing protection. What kinds of protection, and from what? Once you know what you're fearing happening, it can be a lot easier to find other ways to protect youself from it.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi GiveLove,
Thank you for all your ongoing support, I have learned a great deal from you.
The place is nice but too far away! I am trying not to feel despair as I have little time... well, if the time arrives I would move with a friend but I would not like that. I will ask for what I need and tell you if it arrived.
I will give your post more thought hugs !!
Thank you for all your ongoing support, I have learned a great deal from you.
The place is nice but too far away! I am trying not to feel despair as I have little time... well, if the time arrives I would move with a friend but I would not like that. I will ask for what I need and tell you if it arrived.
I will give your post more thought
hugs !!
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