Children Visits?? Advice??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: MA
Posts: 1
Children Visits?? Advice??
My ex has just finished detox number 3 since Halloween '08. His most recent binge was one of his worst. He has been battling his sobriety since September '06. He has recently moved several states away to live with his parents and do intensive outpatient therapy.
My question is what is best for the children? Do I set up visitation once a month while I know he is stable and living with his parents? Or do I wait until he has several months under his belt and has shown that he is on the right path? Is once and a while better than waiting until it can be consistent?
He thinks it is best for them to see him when they can. He has a very selfish attitude and definitely plays the "whoa is me" card. He has been a very needy father with not a lot to offer them recently. My girls, 8 and 5, have been told what is going on and are adjusting to his absence just fine. They will speak to him twice a week. They have been through this before with him.
Any thoughts?
My question is what is best for the children? Do I set up visitation once a month while I know he is stable and living with his parents? Or do I wait until he has several months under his belt and has shown that he is on the right path? Is once and a while better than waiting until it can be consistent?
He thinks it is best for them to see him when they can. He has a very selfish attitude and definitely plays the "whoa is me" card. He has been a very needy father with not a lot to offer them recently. My girls, 8 and 5, have been told what is going on and are adjusting to his absence just fine. They will speak to him twice a week. They have been through this before with him.
Any thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Personally I would wait.
Have the kids expressed a desire to see him? If not, well that is your answer I think.
If they have, what are the logistics going to involve? Are you traveling with them? Where will the visits take place? Are you going to be with them? Is the travel onerous on you? Can he come to see them?
Have the kids expressed a desire to see him? If not, well that is your answer I think.
If they have, what are the logistics going to involve? Are you traveling with them? Where will the visits take place? Are you going to be with them? Is the travel onerous on you? Can he come to see them?
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
3 detox's in 3 months.....I would wait.
detox does not = recovery.....recovery takes time.
Maybe once he has some sobriety and some therepy you could take them for a visit. Remember these kindsof things can take a toll on little ones. You WILLbe able to tell if he is changing. Trust your gut!
detox does not = recovery.....recovery takes time.
Maybe once he has some sobriety and some therepy you could take them for a visit. Remember these kindsof things can take a toll on little ones. You WILLbe able to tell if he is changing. Trust your gut!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
Well, my AW has been battling this since 05. My boys are older but the thing is they see it so black and white. Sober they want to see her and everything is fine. Using and they want no part of her. Kids have a hard time rationalizing the complexity of the addition, detox, recovery etc. The will always love their parent so my advice is to let them see him when he's sober and they want to see him. You need to protect them from him if he is using or not providing a positive and healthy attitude. Go with your instinct.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
