Eryn

Having a bad day. Bad week. I miss my ex SO much, and I want to be with him. I cry all the time, get those horrible anxiety attacks in the morning that make me afraid of getting out of bed. I miss everything about him (except drinking, of course). I try to rationalize and say "well, since he only drank every few months, that is not so bad". But then I remember how bad it was when he did drink, how he just did not care for himself, the suicide attempt, his pancreatitis......then I remember how supportive he was of me, how encouraging and sweet, how he never said anything hurtful to me in our whole 3 years together, how much he loves me for me......Do they ever get better? I mean, I sit here holding out hope that "one day" he will get it together and we can try again. That angers my friends and family because they say that I am young (31-ha!) and I deserve better than what he has to offer. They say being with him will always be a risk, and how would I know if he ever REALLY changed? I really thought he was the "one"....calling off our wedding this Fall about killed me. I have accepted that I cannot fix or change him, and that he has to do it on his own. I know he wants to, but since I am not in frequent contact with him, I don't know if he is doing anything about it,or even looking for a job. He told me he would winnme back one day, and I want to believe that SO much. But then I wonder if I am just better off without him. Doesn't feel like it. Sometimes I'd rather be dead than feel like this. Do they ever really get better,or am I just clinging to harmful hope? Tomorrow is my birthday, and I know it will be so hard without him. I'm afraid I will take him abck before either of us is ready because I miss him. Eryn

CarolD

miss him...it`s very painful to have dreams die.

I do understand...I gave up a lover of 5 years becuase I wanted to be sober...he did not. He wanted to want but did little to implement the fact.

In AA I have heard....out of 100 alcoholics
Only 10 ever reach out for recovery.
Of that 10 only 3 stay sober for 2 or more years.

In the 19+ years I have attended AA I see no reason to question those sad figures.

Alcoholism is a disease...progressive incurable and fatal. No exceptions.

Be sad...cry...wail

I did all that before I opied for a future full of joy.

My best to you...

Make your birthday specual...call a girlfriend for a celebration dinner!! :band

JT

Sadly I have to agree with Carol. The statistics are awful.

He said he will win you back one day...and he may. But in the meantime while he is getting it together you can have a life. You ARE young and waiting is not the way to spend your life.

Hugs,
JT

liddy

urrrr I hate statistics !
In my 50 plus yrs noone has yet to call and ask me
what my political views are, my most watched tv show,
or about anything ! just the telemarketers to sell me
something! Where do statistics come from ? Random sampling !

There is hope for each one individualy as long as there
is breath.
but... live your life you will because you must, that is the
gift to us, in spite of it all, we can still find happiness and
enjoy each day as it comes.
Noone can take my hope away !
love ya carol and JT but God I do not fall for statistics.

wheredoIstart

Eryn,

All I can say to you is you have done the right thing....... Don't go back..... I think the hardest part for you is being alone.... and I believe that's why you want him. I too have the same problem with a guy but I was married to him...... he is an alcoholic.....We split up and divorced..... he left for someone else...... but he was always coming by my home.... well........ I let him back into my life and we remarried........ I'm sorry to say that nothing has changed and I regret taking him back........ it's been a long heartbreaking 20 years........ he still drinks and I'm still unhappy..... Don't go back.... stay strong.... you have done the right thing by leaving.....Stay single for awhile and get out and enjoy life...... your young!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! You can do this!
Good luck!

Eryn

Thanks, everyone. I know I need to just do my days one at a time....it is just hard when he tells me that he wants me back one day, and part of me believes he can do it. But- then I read the stories about all that said they would and didn't. What a risk. I'll just give him room and see what happens and take care of me in the meantime.

Daffodil

Eryn HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

you are 31 years young...not 31 years old...matter what you choose to do today, next year you'll still be 32 years young.

Al-Anon we are told that changed attitidudes on our part can make us healthier, mentailly, emotionally, and spirialually..

Do they change? Sometimes, but more importantly WE can decide to change and when we do, we get better...

If you don't go to Al-Anon meetings do try some for you...you are only alone if you choose to be...

Keep coming back...

Love and prayers from one who cares

Eryn

The birthday was hard....I also spent 3 hours on the phone with my ex. It is so hardthat we both want to be together, but we can't. He has not changed. I went to my first Al- Anon, and it was good. I will keep going. But today I did not really get out of bed- just thought about my would-have -been wedding in Oct. and how much i love and miss my ex. Wish it didn't hurt so much. Thanks for your caring words....they truly do help.

constant

Happy Birthday Eryn!!! I wish there was a magic "quick cure" for the pain, but it will take time and delegance to overcome. Start with a big juicy steak from Longhorns, and one of those fudge brownie delights. That will help you right along.......take a girlfriend and endulge!

Blessings, Constant