The Trap
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Pearl River NY
Posts: 2
The Trap
Hi All,
It has been a while since I been on this site. And I have been doing much much better finally!!!! I met some very nice, sober, great job etc... but we have been dating around 5 months and I am still not in love with him. I think of my ex all the time... (be wrong or right I still care for him)
My ex ALBF called me last night and this was the first time we spoke in almost 5 months. I was moving on, I told him of the new man in my life and he said that he can't move on, he needs me back with him. I told him come on go out and find someone new, never stopped you before and he said not....it is you I want. So he just got a new place in a very very expensive area and he wants me to come see him. I know most of you will say HELL NO....don't do it but I have tried to stay away ( 2yrs away) and I miss his all the time.
Scared and confused I may make a mistake.....
It has been a while since I been on this site. And I have been doing much much better finally!!!! I met some very nice, sober, great job etc... but we have been dating around 5 months and I am still not in love with him. I think of my ex all the time... (be wrong or right I still care for him)
My ex ALBF called me last night and this was the first time we spoke in almost 5 months. I was moving on, I told him of the new man in my life and he said that he can't move on, he needs me back with him. I told him come on go out and find someone new, never stopped you before and he said not....it is you I want. So he just got a new place in a very very expensive area and he wants me to come see him. I know most of you will say HELL NO....don't do it but I have tried to stay away ( 2yrs away) and I miss his all the time.
Scared and confused I may make a mistake.....
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Insanity = repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
I'm not going to tell you hell no because you're going to do it anyway.
You haven't moved on.
What work have you done on yourself to find happiness? I'm not talking dating either.
Happiness isn't in someone else-it's within you.
You're still looking for that fix from the outside.
I'm not going to tell you hell no because you're going to do it anyway.
You haven't moved on.
What work have you done on yourself to find happiness? I'm not talking dating either.
Happiness isn't in someone else-it's within you.
You're still looking for that fix from the outside.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Pearl River NY
Posts: 2
I am not looking for anyone to make me happy. I never have and never will. I have be alone for almost 2 yrs and just met this man 5 months ago and he is totally great. Never drinks, no drugs, totally responsible but I can't help if my heart does not love him. As for my ex I never said that I will go back but I talk to him and see what happens. All I know over the past 2yrs I am exactally where I want to be mind, body and sole. I did figure out that no one will ever treat me bad agiain. But I can name so many others who do not have addiction who treat people like crap. So you never know when it will happen to you. My ex knows where I stand and he knows now I will never excpect his bull again.
And I know what Ex stands for and I have plenty of them just like everyone else. I also know plenty who went back to their ex's addicts or not.
And I know what Ex stands for and I have plenty of them just like everyone else. I also know plenty who went back to their ex's addicts or not.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
I'm not really sure I understand this thread.
What is it you would like to hear from us?
Has he changed?
Do you really feel you have changed, or have your circumstances just changed?
This post just seems like a statement of intent, with you trying to convince yourself of a decision you have already made.
I'm a great guy with no character defects when everything is going my way and all my needs are being met, that has absolutely no bearing on who I am under duress, or who I am when I go back to an unhealthy relationship.
I tried going back to my unhealthy relationship dozens of times, and strangely enough it remained unhealthy, no matter how much work I did on myself, or she did on herself, I've come to the conclusion that some relationships are just unhealthy for all concerned.
Do you feel it will be "different this time and here's how?"
Good Luck, let us know what happens and how it turns out.
What is it you would like to hear from us?
Has he changed?
Do you really feel you have changed, or have your circumstances just changed?
This post just seems like a statement of intent, with you trying to convince yourself of a decision you have already made.
I'm a great guy with no character defects when everything is going my way and all my needs are being met, that has absolutely no bearing on who I am under duress, or who I am when I go back to an unhealthy relationship.
I tried going back to my unhealthy relationship dozens of times, and strangely enough it remained unhealthy, no matter how much work I did on myself, or she did on herself, I've come to the conclusion that some relationships are just unhealthy for all concerned.
Do you feel it will be "different this time and here's how?"
Good Luck, let us know what happens and how it turns out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by BabyO 
I have tried to stay away ( 2yrs away) and I miss his all the time.
Scared and confused I may make a mistake.....
Scared and confused I may make a mistake.....
I wonder what you think has changed and what you think you will get out of this.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
The way you write it is obvious that you think even going to see him may be a concern to guarding your heart. In the future, might you even need to have a boundary for whether you can talk to him on the phone?
So before you go for that visit and possibly get sucked back in you might want to have an honest talk with yourself.
Do you want to be with him so much that you would be content and happy to live in the insanity again verses what you have now and what life will bring with healthy choices and patience? It is your life.
(I noticed you didn't mention one word in regards to him as being a RA. So HELL NO was my first thought.)
So before you go for that visit and possibly get sucked back in you might want to have an honest talk with yourself.
Do you want to be with him so much that you would be content and happy to live in the insanity again verses what you have now and what life will bring with healthy choices and patience? It is your life.
(I noticed you didn't mention one word in regards to him as being a RA. So HELL NO was my first thought.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
Ex Alcoholic Boyfriend?? Is he in recovery? Does
he have a program? When one person is infected
with a disease of alcoholism, then all those who
come in contact with them are also infected.
That is why there are programs designed for those
people....family member....children.
There are many relationships that do survive just
as long as all involved have a workable program
in place. Those relationships can be healthy ones.
he have a program? When one person is infected
with a disease of alcoholism, then all those who
come in contact with them are also infected.
That is why there are programs designed for those
people....family member....children.
There are many relationships that do survive just
as long as all involved have a workable program
in place. Those relationships can be healthy ones.
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