beatrix

It's been a few weeks from my last (and first) post. life has been pretty calm, although I have been making some preparations in case of any emergency. and I have also successfully avoided any kind of arguments. until last night, when it got real ugly. his main problem was that I don't respect him for providing for his family and busting his a** off at work. I'm am so sick of hearing how I watch the tv all day long and basically do nothing (I'm staying home with our 16 month daughter) while he works so hard, that I had to say that I don't really consider working 20 hours a week (it has been real slow) very hard work. this remark of course did it. he told me to go ahead and leave and walked out and slammed the door... and punched in the small kitchen window. I didn't even think that it is possible to break that glass. I just took the baby and my phone and went to the neighbors and did the most feared thing, called his parents. his father wasn't really surprised of what I told him, anyway we talked for a while and then he called to my husband. I came home later and expected AH to be very mad for calling his parents, but he was still on the phone with his father and weirdly very calm and even friendly. I don't know what his father told him, but he was very nice rest of the evening and also today. mostly he could be nice only to the baby, because I was pretty much ignoring him.
suddenly I'm very calm about my future, I think because the big secret is now out in the open. I expect hearing from his parents tomorrow or sometime real soon and then figure out what and how is going to happen. and for the first time ever AH came home today WITHOUT any beer. of course it's just one day, but it's something that has never happened before.

GiveLove

Hi Beatrix,

I hope you will begin to make a plan for yourself. Punching a window or a wall is one of the last stages before punching you. And your child should not have to grow up in this situation......do you plan on walking on eggshells for the rest of your life to avoid a fight?

It would be nice if his parents would solve all your problems for you -- but you cannot depend on them to do that. Please do begin to explore resources for getting away from him if you should need to. Al-Anon meetings, personal counseling, and battered women's programs can be good sources of ideas, strength, and clarity. Setting up your own bank account (that he cannot access) and beginning to put small amounts of money in it to build an emergency fund is also a good idea.

Please protect yourself and your child.

Daisy30

Please listen to what GL has said. It is wonderful advice!


I could have written that same story and only changed one or two things!!!

Remember not drinking does not equal recovery.

I know it feels good to let others know what you have been dealing with. Be careful though, his father could step up and be his next enabler.

Take time to educate yourself about the disease A great book that is easy to read and helped me in the beginning is "Marriage on the Rocks". I also find it helpful to go to al-anon and counceling.

Take care of yourself and your little one

Keep posting we are here for you!

timetogo

I agree with both GL and Daisy -- be very careful. One of the things a women's crisis centre can help you with is making a "safety plan". You can also find safety plans on line. There is a lot of great advice about things that you might not necessarily think about in the event that you have to leave in a hurry -- it's a great resource.

My MIL has always been very supportive to me -- thinks it is a tragedy what her son has done to our family. But I know, when push comes to shove, her loyalties will be with my AH. She's enabled him before.

Take care of you and your precious little one.