JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Hello All,

My husband got a DUI today and I could really use some help. I want to send him to detox. Has anyone gone through this? The cop, I spoke to, was helpful but he wasn't clear on if I could get him into detox. The cop actually said "he seems like a nice guy and is very remorseful". I wanted to scream "Don't Buy the Bullsh**!" but I had to control myself and simply said he has a serious problem with alcohol and needs help.

I did not even go to see my husband while I was there. I feel awful about that but I could not bring myself to see him. I wanted to get hoem to my girls, who called me about the DUI. They listened to the message first.

Thanks.

JRGirl

JMFburns

JRGirl,

Sorry, no advice to give from me. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you and your family are going through this and I understand how convincing the A can be. Hope things work out for the best.

deezaldog

I don't think you can get your husband into detox. He has to go himself. If he spent time in jail he could detox in jail depending on the amount of time he was there. But, alcohol detox can be life threatening depending on his dependancy. Alcohol dependance is not a detox term. It is a life long process to quite drinking. You may consider an alanob meeting to get some support and advice, even if your husband doesnt stop drinking. Alanon will help you build the tools to cope with your situation. I hope all the best for you and esp. your husband. As you probbaly know, DUI's carry consequences. Hopefully he will seek the help he needs.
You need to get and keep yourself healthy before you can be of great service to your children and your husband. Alanon can help and so will many of those on SR

Taking5

Detox lasts 5-7 days, send him to a Dr, preferably an addiction specialist.

If he really needs detox, he would start withdrawing from alcohol in just a few hours and it is doubtful they will even hold him - too much liability if he dies from alcohol w/d while in custody.

Can you share more on how severe his withdrawal symptoms are?

Freedom1990

If he doesn't want to go to detox, what is the purpose of you sending him there?

Daisy30

how about, don't bail him out and let him feel the consequenses of his actions?

prodigal

Why did I hit the "thanks" button? Because you were honest to admit what YOU want to do. Send him to detox, if you have the right. I did it to my AH, not once, but twice. He came out both times and was back to drinking within two weeks.

I could send my AH to detox, send him to he!!, send him to Katmundu. So what? I sent him. He went. He admitted he was an alcoholic. To this day, if he is in the mood, he will admit the booze it killing him.

Makes no stinkin' difference if I do ....

YOU are not part of the equation of his addiction. I will repeat this ad nauseum on this board. I do not figure into what my AH does. Never have, never will.

Yes, many of you are just dying to ask why I stay. If anyone wants to ask, I will be more than happy to reply.

Sorry, JACK, didn't mean to hijack your post. If anyone is vaguely interested, PM me, or don't.....

I want to tell you what I would do .... and this is just my own personal opinion (and one I might have to make soon, but not sure yet....): if I had to choose between sending my AH to a rehab - knowing what I do now - and leaving him, I'd leave.

Anybody in this great country who wants an education, a job, or sobriety ... they CAN find it.

Please take care of yourself and your kids. You deserve it.

Bernadette

from Prodigal: Anybody in this great country who wants an education, a job, or sobriety ... they CAN find it.

I agree. I know in Mass. if it is his 2nd DUI he'll have to do court mandated 2 week inpatient rehab. I don't know what effect that will have. It didn't do much for my brother - he scoffed at it and all the "losers" who were worse off than him. Terminal uniqueness is a real barrier for alcoholics!!

He is having better success by attending AA.

Let the consequences fall on his shoulders JRgirl. I mean if you want to figure out the insurance and hand him a list or just give him the number to local AA - you could do that - but he has to make the call - and you have to let go of ANY expectations: whether he makes the call, whether this is his moment to recover, whether he will waste an opportunity, relapse, whatever.

Other recovered alcoholics have helped my brothers way more than I ever could. Everyone on the planet knows how to reach out and ask for help from recovered alcoholics - it's the first number in the yellow pages!!
(((((hugs)))))
peace,
b

wooforever

I would leave him in jail, let him deal with his problem himself. If you do everything for him you are doing his recovery not him. Let him deal with it. You need to go on with you life and take care of you and your kids.

He will be okay where he is at. I would not take calls from him either, let know how it maybe if he does not get the help he needs.

MissFixit

Hi,

L got 3 DUIs in 11 months. (I only knew about the last one). He went to rehab in FL (we live in SC). He was drinking within a couple weeks of returning home. I felt obligated to stay with him and I loved him.

Now, I wish I left back then.

loverof1

IMHO, the system is a crock. I had my AH arrested. They did not catch up to him while he was driving, but when they picked him up he blew a .27. He had driven himself out to the gas station to fuel up and get something to eat. No one knew he had been drinking...not even the cop because he was so able to control himself while driving and walking. He spent the weekend in jail and when he got out he went straight to the hospital. Unfortunately, they did not take him in then because he was sober and he had to wait 3 weeks for an evaluation. By the time the 3 weeks came around...he wasn't sick anymore and denied having any problems with alcohol. The person doing the evaluation stated that my AH was not an alcoholic, but rather that he was abusing alcohol and that he just needed to slow down. What a crock of chit. Because he was in the court system they only made him go to an alcohol awareness class where he learned how to hide how much he was drinking and what time he had to stop drinking in order for him to pass his breath test the next day. That resulted in him starting his binge earlier in the day, but he still managed to get chit-faced every single day.

I can tell you that I will never go through the courts to try to help again. He will have to fall off a cliff himself in order for him to wake up and see the light. Sad, but true.

I wish you the best. Let the courts do what they must....this is no longer in your hands.

BeyondBSC

Ok…don’t want you all to think that I am too much of a cold hearted B****…but I am. To bad you can not drop him off somewhere. My XAH’s DUI…got a call at 3:00AM, not to worry but he was in an accident. I picked him up at the county, took him home, gave him something to eat, let him take a shower, let him sleep in “my” warm comfy bed, woke him at 6:00AM got him and the kids in the car, said “say goodby to daddy, you will see him in a few days”, and dropped his A$$ off at his mothers. Heck, I would do the same for a stray dog that just got hit by a car, clean ‘em up and drop them at the pound.
Maybe “you” should not be getting him into detox, but “he” should.

Startingover2

I called my exah in back in July. It went through the court system and all he has to do is go to the court mandated classes. My understanding is its not like an AA program at all. Heck, he was even seen buying a 12 pack of beer on the way home. He has lost his license for a year which is a blessing for everyone else on the road, but he is still drinking!

steve11694

"Terminal uniqueness" Great expression.

Some actually do get recover as a consequence of court mandated detox/program.

Unfortunately the alcoholics involved on this forum usually did not, and that is why the loved ones comment to that effect.

My heart goes out to everyone.

spikedaball

My wife spent 5 days in a detox program last year. She went in as a consequence of a counselor and myself convincing her it was what she needed. I was able to visit her a couple of times. It was extremely depressing. SHe was heavily medicated, staying in a group setting, two people to a "room", limited phone calls (only one phone), limited smoke breaks and lots of group sessions. It was successful for a little while. But, she gradually got worse, drinking again more and more. NOw she's back to drinking every day. I'm now trying to get her in a 28 day program. To enroll in the program because SHE wants to, that's the hard part, but she's almost there.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Thanks for the feedback. You guys keep be grounded. He has been sick as a dog for the past 2 days and went to court yesterday. I will focus on me and my recovery and let him follow his own path.

It is not my problem if he does a detox or not. My girls are concerned with it being in the local paper and people finding out. I told them we can not control what others are going to say. I do feel for them but it is out of my control. Didn't cause it, can't control it forgot the last one???

Thanks Again!!!

Taking5

And you can't cure it!

If he has been sick as a dog for 2 days, then he is detoxing right now. Detox is going to happen if he stays sober, regardless if he goes away for help or not.

Do you understand the difference between detox and treatment?

You are right to detach and focus on yourself.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

No. What is the difference between detox and treatment?

Bernadette

Detox alone is just the time it takes to get the alcohol out of their system completely - usually needs medical supervision if they have been drinking heavily for a very long time. Alcohol is extremely toxic - hence the term Detox! Detox can last between 3 days to a week....

Treatment is a program of rehabilitation- either inpatient 24/7 or outpatient - like 9-5 or 8-1 - there's lots of different options... usually following detox - involving addiction education, therapy, group meetings, and planning for release back into the real world...
peace,
-b

oh and the 3rd one is: Can't cure it!!!!!!!!

LaTeeDa

Well, it may be, but it is not the job of the courts to sober people up. I know a lot of "programs" and laws have been put into effect to try and do this, but it still doesn't work unless the addict wants it. The purpose of the courts is to hand out consequences for breaking the law--period. By putting the responsibility on them to get alcoholics to sober up, we are really just shifting our codependency to a goverment institution--at the expense of our tax dollars.

We would all like to believe that handing out "sentences" to detox and rehab would get alcoholics to sober up. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

L