The bouncer at the discotheque
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
The bouncer at the discotheque
Hi friends
I wanted to tell you I reflected a lot about all of you (us) yesterday night.
I went to a coworker's party. This coworker has always been nice to me and his girlfriend has been nice, too.
First it was all fun, music, talking and a good atmosphere. I took two vodkas, a glass with rum, and a shot of sake (with gold!). The first outing after a few months of mourning the XABF in my room.
I was talking to a few guys, all very normal...
Then reality struck.
At some point in the night it was only a handful of us in the kitchen, the closest friends and myself.
The host started getting violent out of the blue, kicked some chairs, threw some bottles... no one was hurt but we were all like ... what did that come from?? The others kept on chatting but I could hear drunken quarreling upstairs. I felt sorry for the girlfriend and for my coworker.
:wtf2
It struck me that the AHs I have known all look particularly nice, friendly, happy, social.... not to say the guy is alcoholic but it was difficult to see that side of him, he certainly abused.
One of the "nice guys" I was talking earlier started smoking pot. The guy had smoked a number of joints by then and I was told by another one he was somehow unable to do anything without smoking a few...
Another one of the guys was having fun and later told me he had already been to AA meetings. But kept looking around saying "I cannot miss this stuff. I cannot control my drinking but this is just too fun". So he accepts he is an alcoholic relapsing.
We went to have breakfast, I rested a little. I felt good. This guy and I left at 9 AM. I realized he was quite drunk and he was getting anxious as he had to receive his girlfriend, which was coming home from somewhere. He had told me she had some depression issues and he was really "upbeat" so that made the relation difficult. Just like my last relation, I thought.
I imagined myself coming back from a trip happy to see my boyfriend again and him receiving me drunk and coming from a party. I got sad for the girl as well, and for this guy who knows there is a problem but has no way to be there just like I was, drinking a little amount (could have not drunk at all), not feeling pressured by anyone and having the same fun.
I got home and rested all day very cozily. No one to criticize me, or drunken person to quarrel and hurt me. Only my sweet welcoming teddy bear!!! Woke up feeling good about the party and about myself.
There was a guy that was hitting on me but I just treated him as a friend, nothing happened. Months before, I would have allowed him to kiss me and do whatever he pleased just to feel loved!! Yuk!! How could I be so wrong. That is why I put the bouncer as this thread's title, I feel as if my heart was a discotheque and there was no bouncer until now, selecting only the VIPs just as yourselves, family and the real friends I've got. Do not care about any non-believers, ill-wishers and active addicts out there anymore....
Not sure how I feel now about parties but I at least had the chance to talk more with this coworker's girlfriend, she is Japanese so I can practice my English with her, looking forward to befriend her :>
So I just wanted to tell you that things are looking better and I realize all the drama is gone, those reminders of life "before" made me think that eventhough it has been very painful I took the best decision by leaving....
I ask God for more clarity to help me reaffirm my path now and to take away all that does no good to me, even if it hurts. I only have so much energy in this life and have wasted it for too much time, now everyday will count and I will get closer to the few people I know that are on this same "wavelength".
All the best for everyone in recovery,
Sandra
I wanted to tell you I reflected a lot about all of you (us) yesterday night.
I went to a coworker's party. This coworker has always been nice to me and his girlfriend has been nice, too.
First it was all fun, music, talking and a good atmosphere. I took two vodkas, a glass with rum, and a shot of sake (with gold!). The first outing after a few months of mourning the XABF in my room.
I was talking to a few guys, all very normal...
Then reality struck.
At some point in the night it was only a handful of us in the kitchen, the closest friends and myself.
The host started getting violent out of the blue, kicked some chairs, threw some bottles... no one was hurt but we were all like ... what did that come from?? The others kept on chatting but I could hear drunken quarreling upstairs. I felt sorry for the girlfriend and for my coworker.
:wtf2
It struck me that the AHs I have known all look particularly nice, friendly, happy, social.... not to say the guy is alcoholic but it was difficult to see that side of him, he certainly abused.
One of the "nice guys" I was talking earlier started smoking pot. The guy had smoked a number of joints by then and I was told by another one he was somehow unable to do anything without smoking a few...
Another one of the guys was having fun and later told me he had already been to AA meetings. But kept looking around saying "I cannot miss this stuff. I cannot control my drinking but this is just too fun". So he accepts he is an alcoholic relapsing.
We went to have breakfast, I rested a little. I felt good. This guy and I left at 9 AM. I realized he was quite drunk and he was getting anxious as he had to receive his girlfriend, which was coming home from somewhere. He had told me she had some depression issues and he was really "upbeat" so that made the relation difficult. Just like my last relation, I thought.
I imagined myself coming back from a trip happy to see my boyfriend again and him receiving me drunk and coming from a party. I got sad for the girl as well, and for this guy who knows there is a problem but has no way to be there just like I was, drinking a little amount (could have not drunk at all), not feeling pressured by anyone and having the same fun.
I got home and rested all day very cozily. No one to criticize me, or drunken person to quarrel and hurt me. Only my sweet welcoming teddy bear!!! Woke up feeling good about the party and about myself.
There was a guy that was hitting on me but I just treated him as a friend, nothing happened. Months before, I would have allowed him to kiss me and do whatever he pleased just to feel loved!! Yuk!! How could I be so wrong. That is why I put the bouncer as this thread's title, I feel as if my heart was a discotheque and there was no bouncer until now, selecting only the VIPs just as yourselves, family and the real friends I've got. Do not care about any non-believers, ill-wishers and active addicts out there anymore....
Not sure how I feel now about parties but I at least had the chance to talk more with this coworker's girlfriend, she is Japanese so I can practice my English with her, looking forward to befriend her :>
So I just wanted to tell you that things are looking better and I realize all the drama is gone, those reminders of life "before" made me think that eventhough it has been very painful I took the best decision by leaving....
I ask God for more clarity to help me reaffirm my path now and to take away all that does no good to me, even if it hurts. I only have so much energy in this life and have wasted it for too much time, now everyday will count and I will get closer to the few people I know that are on this same "wavelength".
All the best for everyone in recovery,
Sandra
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 02-02-2009 at 12:57 AM.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Thank you for sharing something so positive - I'm glad you found your 'bouncer'!
You really are an inspiration - you've come so far so quickly!
I should be more amazed at how much addiction there is around us. It seems like you don't have far to look to see alcohol or drug addiction. Is life really so bad for so many that they can only find solace or have fun by drinking/drugging? Maybe I'm just looking around with a new perspective though?
I love cosy Sundays with teddy bear! You sound as if you had a great weekend!
You really are an inspiration - you've come so far so quickly!
I should be more amazed at how much addiction there is around us. It seems like you don't have far to look to see alcohol or drug addiction. Is life really so bad for so many that they can only find solace or have fun by drinking/drugging? Maybe I'm just looking around with a new perspective though?
I love cosy Sundays with teddy bear! You sound as if you had a great weekend!
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks!
stone, you are right, there are two bouncers. Love the image of my xAH bathed and well dressed, as if he was actually NICE, zigzagging and trying to get to this supercool place (think VIP Room in St Tropez) and a hunk at the door saying "No, you are no longer welcome, enough destruction... We will be back to business soon, but not thanks to you!! KICK!!"
stone, you are right, there are two bouncers. Love the image of my xAH bathed and well dressed, as if he was actually NICE, zigzagging and trying to get to this supercool place (think VIP Room in St Tropez) and a hunk at the door saying "No, you are no longer welcome, enough destruction... We will be back to business soon, but not thanks to you!! KICK!!"
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
...then himself trying to get to it again using another door and another bouncer just looking down on him. The ex looking at the floor thinking if there is other place he can find his drug... oh look casually there is another place without bouncers!! That will gladly let ANYONE in. And on he goes stumbling...
Very sad business. Now that I saw it from the outside, I can understand how others may have seen ME while I was enabling. As I see the Japanese girl now.. thinking.. "why would she put herself in this situation?"
Very sad business. Now that I saw it from the outside, I can understand how others may have seen ME while I was enabling. As I see the Japanese girl now.. thinking.. "why would she put herself in this situation?"
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 02-02-2009 at 05:37 AM.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I'm concerned about several things; I hope you don't mind me sharing my concerns. First, I personally feel it's inappropriate to attend a party (or any social gathering) with a man who's currently involved in a relationship with someone else--especially when the other woman is not also attending. To do so could potentially invite a lot of drama into my life. These days, before I take most actions I ask myself will the action I'm about to take invite drama or chaos into my life? Will it enhance my life or detract from it? The further along I get in my recovery, the more I've become aware that I'm the driving force on the road of life and the scenery along the way is a reflection of the choices I make.
Second, the moment I encounter people abusing alcohol or, worse, engaging in unlawful activity such as using drugs, I exit stage right. I no longer tolerate irresponsible behavior. These days, I'm only interested in surrounding myself with healthy, responsible friends. It's difficult to continue on my path of recovery when I do otherwise.
Finally, I personally don't consider two vodkas, a glass of rum, and a shot to be a small amount of alcohol. That's a lot of alcohol in my opinion--even over a several hour period. The last thing I want to do is surround myself with people who are making poor life choices, abusing alcohol and drugs, breaking the law, and engaging in violent behavior and be under the influence myself. How can I make healthy choices for myself and my safety if my decision-making ability is clouded by alcohol?
Second, the moment I encounter people abusing alcohol or, worse, engaging in unlawful activity such as using drugs, I exit stage right. I no longer tolerate irresponsible behavior. These days, I'm only interested in surrounding myself with healthy, responsible friends. It's difficult to continue on my path of recovery when I do otherwise.
Finally, I personally don't consider two vodkas, a glass of rum, and a shot to be a small amount of alcohol. That's a lot of alcohol in my opinion--even over a several hour period. The last thing I want to do is surround myself with people who are making poor life choices, abusing alcohol and drugs, breaking the law, and engaging in violent behavior and be under the influence myself. How can I make healthy choices for myself and my safety if my decision-making ability is clouded by alcohol?
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi FD,
Maybe there was a misunderstanding. I did not go to the party with anyone, I arrived by myself, the host (my coworker) and his girlfriend were already there. Certainly not looking for any more trouble in my life! And the guy I left with, well he was in the party by himself and going to receive his girlfriend so there was no flirting or anything like that.
About my own alcohol consumption, maybe it was a small amount compared to the other attendees LOL.
I get you FD. I am unsure as to how I feel about drinking now, especially after these "not so gentle reminders".
I had not drunk for months, December, new year's, all clean. I thought I had decided to stop drinking altogether, but now I find I enjoy social drinking just as I did before the ex.
This party was over the top and no I am not attending others with this crowd so you need not worry about that :>
But on Wed. a girlfriend wants to go out to a posh bar and I said yes of course, I would enjoy a cocktail and being dressy and catch up with her. On Thursday my coworkers and me agreed to go have a beer after work, they have invited me a lot of times but I had said No thanks. As it was also my birthday, we are celebrating.
I have felt very proud of going through stuff without distractions or numbing myself so I see nothing wrong in drinking socially and responsibly in these settings. Can we compare a birthday wild party in an empty home with strangers, to two hours and two drinks with well known people?
I think its related to the other thread about one's own drinking. I am starting to go out once again and yes, I relax with drinks with people I know and trust and of course in moderation... the 'normal' for me would be two drinks at most.
Before the ex and now, drinking in those ways have never hurt me, I have never hurt others, we just have a good time. After this week, the next one I have planned is by the end of February, because I will drive home to Mex city and see old friends. But certainly its not about the drinks themselves, thank God, I can do with our without them and do not feel guilty when I do drink.
But I hear you, and I am trying to sort this one out myself...
Maybe there was a misunderstanding. I did not go to the party with anyone, I arrived by myself, the host (my coworker) and his girlfriend were already there. Certainly not looking for any more trouble in my life! And the guy I left with, well he was in the party by himself and going to receive his girlfriend so there was no flirting or anything like that.
About my own alcohol consumption, maybe it was a small amount compared to the other attendees LOL.
I get you FD. I am unsure as to how I feel about drinking now, especially after these "not so gentle reminders".
I had not drunk for months, December, new year's, all clean. I thought I had decided to stop drinking altogether, but now I find I enjoy social drinking just as I did before the ex.
This party was over the top and no I am not attending others with this crowd so you need not worry about that :>
But on Wed. a girlfriend wants to go out to a posh bar and I said yes of course, I would enjoy a cocktail and being dressy and catch up with her. On Thursday my coworkers and me agreed to go have a beer after work, they have invited me a lot of times but I had said No thanks. As it was also my birthday, we are celebrating.
I have felt very proud of going through stuff without distractions or numbing myself so I see nothing wrong in drinking socially and responsibly in these settings. Can we compare a birthday wild party in an empty home with strangers, to two hours and two drinks with well known people?
I think its related to the other thread about one's own drinking. I am starting to go out once again and yes, I relax with drinks with people I know and trust and of course in moderation... the 'normal' for me would be two drinks at most.
Before the ex and now, drinking in those ways have never hurt me, I have never hurt others, we just have a good time. After this week, the next one I have planned is by the end of February, because I will drive home to Mex city and see old friends. But certainly its not about the drinks themselves, thank God, I can do with our without them and do not feel guilty when I do drink.
But I hear you, and I am trying to sort this one out myself...
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 02-02-2009 at 07:26 AM.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Dear Dreamer,
I think you are smart to be aware of what you are choosing and FD is a friend to call out behavior she might see as possible contradictions to what you have been writing about.
We are all learning how to deal with "reality" and society again with own new found knowledge and insights (I know I am).
Best of luck to you. Know that we are all rooting for you and your happiness.
Miss
I think you are smart to be aware of what you are choosing and FD is a friend to call out behavior she might see as possible contradictions to what you have been writing about.
We are all learning how to deal with "reality" and society again with own new found knowledge and insights (I know I am).
Best of luck to you. Know that we are all rooting for you and your happiness.
Miss
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