Husband won't move out
 

it's been awhile since i last posted, but i've been by frequently!
i filed for divorce last august.the property settlement and child custody are pretty cut and dried.
to date, six months later, he will not move out.
the house is mine, long time family home now owned by me and my sons.

AH continues to drink and drive, smoke pot, wander in whenever he wants,rummage thru the refrigerator eating food i buy, and generally do very little to contribute to "home life".
(which is why i filed in the first place!)

my atty. seems to have no options for me except to put up with it until he either finds his own place or 2 years go by.
anyone in similar circumstances or any experience with "creative" solutions that worked?
i am just frustrated and angry.

I would think that if you were awarded the house as part of the settlement, there must be a way to enforce that. If you are the owner, you can evict him.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. I just found out that if you hire a PI and they find anything illegal they have to turn it into the cops... e.i. the pot (I found this out because my AH does pot). He could then go to jail. I didn't follow through with the PI because I didn't want to open that can of worms. But if he goes to jail or is caught with pot you could get a PFA so he couldn't come back to the house.

I know it's out there... Just a thought... I was also told when my husband wouldn't leave that you can't force someone to leave the home until after the divorce. Now you said you got the house in the settlement. If it IS settled and you have paperwork. I think you can have him removed. You may have to serve him papers first.

my atty. seems to have no options for me except to put up with it until he either finds his own place or 2 years go by.

Get a 2nd opinion. ;)

my heart goes out to you - my soon to be ex wouldn't leave either - I actually had to leave our home.

Each State has different laws concerning community property, divorce and evicting a spouse - so it's hard to say but I know that sometimes you can get additional advice from the women's shelters.

Yes, I know that women's shelters are for abuse, and sweetie - these types of situation are usually abusive even if you are never "hit". I had no idea how unhealthy and abusive my home life was until I didn't live in it anymore. Maybe yours isn't that way, but mine was and I didn't even realize it.

HUGS and prayers that your home will soon be a serene and safe place for you and your sons.
Rita

have you tried talking with the states attorney?


I know this is a civil matter but, if, you are arwarded the house, seems to me, he's an unwanted guest.

I'd at least call the states attorney to find out where you stand.

Not sure what 2 years has to do with anything

Smoking pot is against the law in most of the 50 states.

Your kids deserve better then to have to be around some one smoking pot in the house?

Do you know where, he's hiding his stash? You have the option of telling the police on him.

Law abiding citizens do have rights in the U.S.

Wish you all the best

All I can share is what I did when mine refused to leave, I filed to get a personal protection order, then told my soon to be ex that he had 21 days to prove he was leaving or I would get a court date to get the actual order. I "promised" him that I would get as "creative" as I needed to get the order. He found a place to live and left.

Many addicts are paranoid about having to appear in court in front of a judge and will do anything to avoid it. I used that to my advantage.

Oh now that is just BULL. Any attorney, worth his salt, can petition to have him removed as being a 'detriment' to the 'welfare' of the 'emotional stability' and 'health' of the children. That is emotional abuse.

And I do believe, if need be, as there are children involved you may even be able to file, on your own, for a temporary restraining order, based on his emotional abuse, eating up the food meant for the children, interfering with their enjoyment of their home in peace and serenity, etc. It certainly would be worth a try.

Plese keep posting and let us know how YOU and the children are doing, as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,

That drug use just stands out there at me

grrr

I want to smack people for subjecting poor little kids to be around drugs I guess alcohol for that matter as well but, it's legal :(

I agree with Laurie.

thanks all for the encouragement!!
i should have stated that husband has refused so far to sign the settlement because he will then be legally required to put on his "big boy pants" and move out.
he is dragging his feet,trying to put that off as long as possible.
the 2 years is the time required in pennsylvania to be granted a divorce by the court if the other party won't sign.
thanks for sharing your strength, experience and hope!!

Unfortunately, that is also the law in Maryland. My exAH refused to sign the separation agreement. I didn't want much, but he was unwilling to give me anything. At the end of two years, he was served with the divorce complaint, which he signed. It was a moot point by then because after two years, I could be granted my divorce.

Is there any chance of renegotiating the settlement so you don't take a major hit, but can throw him a "bone" that will get him to sign?

The problem is, that as more states become no-fault, having a drunk or a druggie in the home isn't grounds to get a divorce. HOWEVER ... Laurie makes a very good point. The guy is being a nuisance and endangering the wellfare of children.

Have you considered a restraining order to get him out of the house? It would be worth your while to investigate that option.

I was told by a lot of people (including my attorney) that I might have to let my ex stay until the divorce was final (in my state the waiting period if you have children and can prove that the other party was served is 6 months). I decided to hell with that, he was going. Sometimes you have to get creative. I was told I couldn't change the locks after he did leave and I changed them anyway. I told my ex that if he did not sign the agreement I would ask for a friend of the court investigation and his "condition" would be on record. Does your STBX have a job? Does he pay CS? In my state not paying CS means JAIL.

I think you may need a 2nd legal opinion.

i think there must be another way than simply using the law. psychology....perhaps. does anyone have advice for this. i am sure this lady knows she has legal rights. i believe she is looking for what she can do without taking legal action, of course i could be wrong!

I had the option (in VA) to petition the court for sole use of the marital home (until final settlement). Of course I would have to convince a judge that M was a threat, danger, verbally abusive, annoyance, all around PITA.... I had children in my home too, that was my best ammunition.

As it turned out M left before I pulled the trigger on that legal option, but I bring it up because in your case it might be worth exploring with a competent lawyer. Maybe even filling for that would force his hand. He might have like 30 days to respond to the court filing? Could start the ball rolling... force a move and break the stalemate?

I would file and see where it goes.

I agree, filing for a protection order is free in most states. It may motivate him to leave (it did in my case) and if he does not show for the hearing the judge usually grants the order.

Like I said to my attorney "no one is going to put me in jail for asking for a PPO or changing the locks and right now I am basically being imprisoned with an addict, I can't live like this for 6 months so I have to try something".

Sorr y you are going through this. I have to agree with havenough, change the locks;)

joyfulnoiz,

The following link was sent to me to help answer some frequently asked questions as I start my process for a divorce. I hope it will give you some guidance in this situation.

Divorce FAQS

ok, put on your al-anon hats:
how can i stop enabling the alcoholic?
he has a room here and a place to keep his stuff.
according to the law, i can't keep him out because we are still married.
he will not sign the papers because he wants to stay here.
it feels like a catch-22.
can't i just hit him on the head with an iron skillet? lol, i mean really.
i feel that there is something i am missing as far as MY behaviour goes...i am not feeling serenity here.

Some of his "stuff" could just "disappear". If enough of it does he will probably leave on his own.

I say that because before my ex ah moved out some of my stuff that I didn't hide well enough (including the tags to my car) "disappeared" and there was nothing I could do about it legally.