Techie1701

OK, I know I shouldn't be posting this, but I REALLY don't want to talk to anyone IRL about it. I saw a list of jobs that DH might be suitable for. He had a look and the one he is really interested in (well, he was more interested in Lost) is as a software manager. While he has worked in software, and has a primary and post graduate degree in it, the last time he worked for someone else in the area was in 2000. It seems mad, to me, that he is expecting to jump in at the level of a manager.

I know, it isn't up to me to find the job opertunities for him (I happened across this on an unrelated message board), and I brought home a job opertunity from my own work place last week. He is currently a SAHD, and has done some flash programming and website creating freelance over the last few years.

Not owning my own side of the street, am I?

FormerDoormat

Gosh, there is no way I would have wanted my ex boyfriend to work at the same place or the same company as I did once he was in the throes of alcoholism. That would have been a disaster.

Imagine not being able to escape an alcoholic loved either at home or at work.

GiveLove

Wow, I agree. No matter how hopeful I was about my SO's recovery, I would not want to add the complication of working with them too. Might want to play THAT tape all the way through, techie..... Take care

Bernadette

TECHIE!!!!!!!!!
I'm beggin' ya: :codiepolice

;-)
peace,
B.

TakingCharge999

LOL bernadette I love that icon

Techie..

NOT a good idea...

I work with the XAHBF

I will just say this... I do not wish this hell to ANYBODY!!

Let him find his own job.

Rella927

Techie

As someone who had there XABF working at the same company-DO NOT GO THERE! it was not pretty!

As Give stated play the tape all the way through!

I think you just gave your own answer to this yes yes?

Barbara52

I would find another job if my xAH somehow found a job with my employer. Seriously. I would not work anywhere near the man for oh so many reasons not the least of which I wouldn't want to see him on a daily basis. And I sure as heck would not be doing job hunting for him. He's a big boy capable of doing that all on his own.

So just why is it you want to insert yourself into his drama this way?

rkymtncowboy

Just say no!!!
They are pretty picky about Software jobs right now so you probably don't have to worry anyway.

drained22

TakingCharge999

Yes especially after a few years of not working in a related area, as its instrumental to keep updated about new paradigms, technologies, etc. so perhaps he would need to take some courses and enhance the resume

OK I am helping him now LOL
All the best to you Techie and I hope he finds a job soon (far from you)

Techie1701

Thanks .

We get regular e-mails about positions available where I am. The position is with another company in the same group (I don't want to get too specific, but it's partially government owned) on a different site. There is no overlap at all between my department and this company.

DH has suggested that he cover my own job while I was on maternity leave, he is qualified in the area that I work in, much more so than I, the idea always gave me the creeps, but I could never come up with a 'good' reason why not. For various reasons it never happened, and I think we won't be having any more kids...

The two positions I mentioned are ones I happened across, so I passed them on, but it's hard not to get emotionally invested in if and how he replies to the job adds.

Thanks for the replies, please please keep the reality checks coming. I find that I doubt myself a lot at this stage, things feel wrong, but I can't give a good reason why.

Techie1701

This is a kind of a general question. I find I feel guilty about everything, not doing a good job in work, not spending enough time with the kids, not being a good wife. That's most of the time. Then at other times I feel an overwhelming rage at DH, for what I think he should be doing. I find it impossible to talk to him at this stage.

Is this normal?

Bernadette

I feel an overwhelming rage at DH, for what I think he should be doing.

Wow - just reading that gave me like a post-traumatic shock reaction. That was me in my marriage. What a misery.

I needed help to figure out why I was always able to see what HE should be doing and why I would get enraged when he wasn't doing what I thought were logical obvious things.

I was in total denial about reality and I was unable to accept him as he was.

These were for me two solid signs of how my mind was operating in the strong habit of codependence.

Therapy & AlAnon really guided me out of that cave of misery. I came to see (among other issues) that I was still trapped in the drama of my childhood - powrless to make my Dad change and terrified at the unpredictable outcomes of his addiction and unwillingness to change... And in keeping focused on that drama I didn't have to pay attention to my own problems - things that I could change about myself.

Becaause it has always come down to that: I am the one who can change things for the better. I must begin by accepting things I can't change and people just as they are.


I also got a divorce - but obviously that's not necessary for everyone!

peace,
b