adviceplease

Hello:

I met a wonderful man that I feel I have a great connection with about a month ago. We clicked very quickly and things have been moving pretty quickly. He has always been very honest, but here's the deal...he has only been sober for a little over 30 days. He has a history of alcohol and drug addiction. He is very "into" me and our relationship, but I fear he is becoming addicted to "us". Is this possible? I don't want to be a negative factor in his recovery. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

drained22

from my experience, if he's alittle over 30 days.. he shouldn't be dating anyone for a 1-2 years because he has to work on himself.

but I read on here that most woman won't date anyone with anything less than 12 years of sobriety..

FormerDoormat

Why would you be interested in a man with a history of alcohol and drug abuse? Don't you think you deserve a healthy partner?

embraced2000

30 days into recovery is but a blink of an eye for a ra.

things are progressing quickly......typical behavior of an addict

strong connection already.......typical, again

very into you........typical, again

i agree with fd on this one......you do deserve a healthy relationship

FormerDoormat

I agree with Embraced. This may be a good time to bump Minnie's Red Flags post back to the top of the forum.

brundle

I would have to agree with FormerDoormat if you can find a post about reg flags you should read it. It is a bad sign that he is moving so quickly in your relationship (that's one). Another is that he's only in recovery for 30 days.

For me personally I married a guy who had been in recovery for over a year (maybe it was two). He was just amazing. He pushed and 8 months after we met we where married. It's almost 8 years later and I'm talking to a divorce lawyer. Like the others said: you owe it to yourself to find a healthy relationship...

coyote21

My axw of 11 years, basically never went home after our first date. My bad.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

marshallzhukov

I agree with the others who have already shared... either he is not in a recovery program like AA or NA, or he is but is disregarding the emphatic suggestion made within all such organizations that newcomers should avoid intimate relationships for a year.... either way it is bad news...

laurie6781

FD did bump up the "Red Flags" thread, here it is:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...red-flags.html

You asked for advice, here it is, RUN as fast and as far as you can the other way. Most folks that are serious about their recovery, follow the advice of:

"No major changes in ones life the FIRST YEAR." That includes getting into or out of a relationship, changing jobs (unless the job is affecting sobriety), changing living accommodations (again, unless affecting sobriety). There is a reason, behind this, the person in recovery, REALLY NEEDS TO FOCUS ON THEMSELVES and it is a gut wrenching, rollar coaster ride.

RUN

J M H O

Love and hugs,