Private Investigators Anyone?
Freed from the anguish
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by brundle 
I hear from him so often that what I think, feel or see is not really what's going on; even if that is what is going on. So sometimes validation is very important because it is like a breath of fresh air; because then reality is just reality.
((((brundle))))
Last edited by JustMeInWI; 01-23-2009 at 01:17 PM. Reason: added comment about "Gaslighting" from dazedandconfused's post
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks for the tip JustMEinWI I will look for that book
Validation, I think we are all looking for it.. at least I know I am
Its like waiting for something terrible related to alcohol happen, something EVERYBODY can see, so you can say "SEE...IT WAS REALLY THAT BAD"
Sometimes not even related to alcohol but just plain old deceit like cheating.
In order to pursue happiness we do not need justification or validation from anyone but ourselves
After 26 years I think I am finally starting to "get" that one...
Validation, I think we are all looking for it.. at least I know I am
Its like waiting for something terrible related to alcohol happen, something EVERYBODY can see, so you can say "SEE...IT WAS REALLY THAT BAD"
Sometimes not even related to alcohol but just plain old deceit like cheating.
In order to pursue happiness we do not need justification or validation from anyone but ourselves
After 26 years I think I am finally starting to "get" that one...
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by blessed4x
My experience has been that my AH has gotten more careless as time has gone on and I didn't even have to go looking for things. I say if your gut tells you he's involved then he probably is, and he will eventually leave his tracks uncovered.......that is if you want to wait around to find out.
If it don't feel right, and doesn't look right then it probably isn't right..
99.9% of the time my gut is spot on... the other .1% of the time it wasn't close off the mark..
You already know the answer sometimes we just deny what the answer is..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Someplace USA
Posts: 415
JustMeInWI:
I had heard of that book before. I'll have to get that one.
I also have to agree with Dreamer999: I sometimes want everyone to see what a jerk he really is. But he is too good a covering his tracks.
I had heard of that book before. I'll have to get that one.
I also have to agree with Dreamer999: I sometimes want everyone to see what a jerk he really is. But he is too good a covering his tracks.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by brundle
I sometimes want everyone to see what a jerk he really is. But he is too good a covering his tracks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Speak to a lawyer in your locale. Ask if you have anything strategically significant to gain. eg; document him drinking and driving is most probably pertinent to child custody as the court does not want anyone DUI to be in a position to drive children.
If "adultery" is listed as fault grounds in your state and will help in a divorce.
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at one point i almost had a gps installed in the car my aw used. i was going crazy wondering what in the world she was doing all night til 3-4-5-6 AM. i wanted to satisfy my own curiosity if nothing else. the behavior became more and more bizarre. the cell phone records showed many many back and forth calls essentially constantly all night(also bizarre)
Bottom line is the active addicts world is one of "insanity". It is not rational or logical.
Don't beat yourself up trying to figure it out, as I did.
If "adultery" is listed as fault grounds in your state and will help in a divorce.
================================================== =======
at one point i almost had a gps installed in the car my aw used. i was going crazy wondering what in the world she was doing all night til 3-4-5-6 AM. i wanted to satisfy my own curiosity if nothing else. the behavior became more and more bizarre. the cell phone records showed many many back and forth calls essentially constantly all night(also bizarre)
Bottom line is the active addicts world is one of "insanity". It is not rational or logical.
Don't beat yourself up trying to figure it out, as I did.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
I think if you're to the point of having to snoop on your significant other you've reached a critical point.
You have to ask yourself do you really want to be with someone you obviously don't trust?
It's a hard question to answer and an even harder one to be solid on, but necessary none the less. (I'm there, doing it now...hard)
Is this someone you really want to be around and having an impact on your life?
You have to ask yourself do you really want to be with someone you obviously don't trust?
It's a hard question to answer and an even harder one to be solid on, but necessary none the less. (I'm there, doing it now...hard)
Is this someone you really want to be around and having an impact on your life?
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