JenT1968

yes, I have to remember that I have to let go not only of the worrying/trying to find a solution before/during an outcome, but also not second guessing and "what-if" ing afterwards as well. To completely let go of the outcome.

peace at all costs... hmm recognise that one too, thank you

FindingPeace1

acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players." He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knw you wanted perfection, just as I did.

we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork. I am saying that I know better then God.

For years I was sure the worst thing that could happen to a nice guy like me would be that I would turn out to be an alcoholic. Today I find it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. This proves I don't know what's good for me. And if I don't know what's good for me, then I don't know what's good or bad for you or for anyone. So I'm better off if I don't give advice, don't figure I know what's best, and just accept life on life's terms, as it is today--especially my own life, as it actually is.Before A.A. I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions.

I love this, ago. Thanks.

nodaybut2day

Me again, bringing back old threads.

I have a question with regards to this Step. If you are someone who feels the need to turn over your life to HP on a daily basis, *how* exactly do you do this? Prayer? Mediation? Journaling?

CatsPajamas

In the early days, I did it by prayer and journaling. Sometimes it was just a list each day of the things I was turning over again. And again. It was part of the process, I had to see it on paper to see how much I was struggling, and also to understand how futile it was to try to hold onto things that were really never mine to hold in the first place!

nodaybut2day

Thank you Cats...I think I feel ok now with praying every morning or whenever I feel the need to. Funny how a few years ago I would have laughed at the mere idea.

GiveLove

Some years ago, noday, I was talking to a friend-of-a-friend who said, "It'll be what it'll be." I poked fun (in my head only) at that for years, like he thought he was some kind of buddha. Yeah, no kidding?

Nowadays I find that I write that in my journal a lot. It will be what it will be. (Sometimes followed by a little request to "try to make it BE something nice today though, okay?" ) It's not up to me - all I can do is keep my feet and heart and mind pointed in what I know to be the right direction, and leave the rest to HP.

For a world-class control freak like me, you can only imagine how hard that is! LOL

nodaybut2day

I have a question though...when Step 3 says to "turn our WILL over to God as we understand him"...I'm not sure I understand. I get turning my life over to the care of HP/the Universe, because I find it intensely liberating to let go and stop fighting to control the outcome of things. To me, what's meant to happen will happen, and though we don't always see the purpose of the path of our lives, it eventually becomes clear. I also feel safe in the knowledge that the Universe is constantly trying to nudge me on the right path; all I have to do is listen. But if I turn my "will" over to God, does that mean I don't have the will to make decisions anymore? I'm not too sure how to tackle this aspect of Step 3.

lillamy

Here's how I see this: "I turn my will over to God" to me means "I choose to listen to God's guidance and sit in serenity and peace with a decision instead of rushing into action based on my own emotions or knee-jerk reaction"...

It means I trust that God will nudge me into action when necessary and gently hold me back when necessary. It's more of a "let me understand what you would have me do, given that you have my best at heart" than anything else to me.

m1k3

To me this all ties to step one and realizing that control is just an illusion. Life flows on whether we want it to or not. So to me making the decision to turn it over amounted to recognizing that the plan/flow was going forward whether I went willingly or kicking and screaming. I was always part of the flow, the difference is now I can accept that. I can either swim with the current or against the current. After many years of swimming against the current I have found swimming with the current to be much easier and much less stressful.

MsGrace

I"m fairly new to Al Anon....coming to it recently in chaos and crisis after my husband (sober 13 years) relapsed completely, and just walked away from me, the marriage and life as we knew it rather than pursue recovery again. Pit of despair doesn't even start to describe where I've been.

Turning my will over to a "Higher Power" isn't possible for me as a Zen Buddhist. I don't believe in such duality: higher/lower ect. I don't believe in the dual explanation of a God who is "someone" "out there" and we are here. So how do I grapple with Step 3?

Here is my way: I believe every atom in the Universe is at it's essence, an intelligence, non-local, having never been born, or every dying. It is this Consciousness that pervades everything, everyone. We cannot be separate from it...it is in fact, our very nature. This Conciousness can be said to be upstream of thought and emotion...the silent observer, non-partial to the ways of the world. My own inner Consciousness speaks to me through intuition: something we all have, sometimes paying more attention to it, sometimes not. So I, the personality that is buffeted about by my changing emotions and thoughts, can choose to be still and notice what my own intuition is telling me. I can choose to listen. I can choose to look. I can choose.

This is my way. Thankfully, I did not reject the golden gem of Al Anon recovery to the semantics of a Christian concept I simply don't believe in. "God as we understand Him". I understand intuition...my own inner knowing. I can never be separate from it, it is never "higher" than me. It IS me.

When I can be still and recognize this....freedom and serenity resides right there.

sesh

Hi MsGrace,
my understanding of HP is very similar to yours, but I do believe turning my will to HP is possible, as it is possible to disconect from universal Consciousness. Once disconected we are lost in the world where little makes sense and we're unable to hear our intuition, we are not centered and thus not in tune with the forces of universe, not conected with ourselves. So to me my higher power is Me, true me, inner Me that is equal part of great HP (I am god and god is me) but I was separated from Me for a long time. It took me me a long time and great effort to learn to be still and recognize it. I still lose it sometimes for a day or two, and I need to constantly remind myself to be still, to stay in tune with Me, with Conciousness, Universe, and those unknown forces that rule it. For me it is everyday work.

So to me it doesn't sound like such a thing is not possible for you, but it sounds like you're alreday there, you're already living by it.

It is a bit hard for me to try explain all this in English, I hope this makes sense.
HUGS

jOSE2

I was trying to figure out this too, 'who my higher power was' that all the time it was me, if I can too try and put it into english ! my subconcious was out of tune with my concious-I wasnt listening to my intuitions any more, does that sound any sense,!!,I make it simple for me now I just call it my HP,my subconcious,and to listen to it first time,instead of doubting it, as before in the past,as Sesh says I can lose it for a few days,then I have to work on getting it back -as someone one said to me, my outside is getting in tune with my insides ! if that makes any sense.

jOSE

MsGrace

Sesh and Jose....exactly! "God" (from my point of view) exists only right where I am. The larger point I was trying to make is that I could not allow semantics or a Christian perspective to alienate me from this very important Step work....that is the important thing. I just had to work harder at re-languaging the steps to "God as I understand him" part. Very insightful person who created the 12 step program, to cast a big enough net that all of us can apply our understanding and spiritual approach to the steps just as meaningfully. Thank you for you contribution!

jOSE2

MS Grace and Sesh,

Thank you for your share on this topic today-lovely !


Jose