Feeling old and tired
 

I can't remember who it was (I'm thinking either Barbara or LaTeeDa?) that said when they were finally at the point of divorce they felt much older than their chronological age. Well.....I'm there. I have no energy, no motivation to clean, no fire in my belly, not to mention the aches and pains. I know I've been through alot with my dad passing and switching jobs, but really things should be looking up. I have always been a go-getter, even my children had a hard time keeping up. I was always the first in line at the roller coaster and now I couldn't even make it to the amusement park. Just wondering if the effects of living with an A have finally begun to catch up with me, or if I've slipped into some kind of depression (which I've never been prone to), or if turning 45 last week really has aged me, LOL!

I guess what I'm really asking is how things turned around when you made the decision to go through with divorce. Did the "aging effects" you felt go away? Will I ever get that energy and zest for life back? I do believe the fear or the unknown has paralyzed me and I'm sure I will need to take a trip back to therapy to resolve it, but any input here would be helpful.

I haven't divorced anyone yet, but I have felt like that at times in my life when I was emotionally exhausted. I could not get out of bed, had pain everywhere, especially my back, and overall felt like an old lady (I am 35, mind you).

I am sure you will feel tons better once things go back to normal and you can find some peace and quiet. Stress and uncertainty can drain all our energy, but positive changes in your life will bring it back! :ghug3

Take care!!

Absolutely

I can't even convey how much better it gets.

The outside world looks good again, activities are fun again, I can walk on the beach and not just look at my feet.

What has truly been amazing is being in a relationship with somebody who actually "sees" me, who nurtures me, who cares for my well being, it's been like living on a different planet.

I had forgotten how nice life actually could be, while I was in "that place" I felt like I had always been there, and always would be there, I didn't see any way out, I felt "trapped" and my life got very small.

When I left it was like the old saying, "If you take one step towards God, he takes two steps towards you", things starting falling into place, while not always comfortable, or "what I wanted" were always better for me.

It's hard to explain, but the answer is, yes, it gets better, it aint always balloons and joyrides, but it's better, and my life is my own again and the sense of freedom and liberation that came with that are indescribable..

Yes, the aging effects went away for me....but I felt good and old for about 8 months. I was tired, achy, and yes, I was depressed. Yes, I am getting my zest for life back. Yes, the fear of the unknown had me paralyzed...especially months before I filed for divorce and about 4 months after the divorce was finalized. When I compare now to then I am a different woman.

Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz? Remember in the beginning when everything is filmed in black and white. That's how my life was a year before the divorce and for a few month after. Then once Dorothy lands in OZ, everything is in full and vibrant color..that is happening to me now.

Blessed it is going to get better. Take extra special care of yourself right now. Listen to your body and meet its needs. See to it that you have something that brings a smile to your face, or better yet a really good laugh as often as possible. Enrich your soul. You will get through this.

I was feeling the same way and I'm 6 months from 50. My body was really aching and sadness or something like it was always jumping in. I decided a few months back to quit smoking. A 2 year habit I picked up..dumb..and with that out of my system, I joined a gym. Not exactly in my comfort zone. I also started taking vitmins again and added some flaxseed and blueberries into my everyday meal. No more junk food. I am starting to feel better. yesterday I was at my dd letting her two dogs out to play and started watching the inagural concert and found myself dancing and singing to john couger mellencamp. I was having fun alone. Who knew?????????? It will happen, don't give up. When I feel down, I get on here, read, call someone and soon I'm feeling better. Your a young pup!lol

(((Blessed))) Sounds a bit like grief mixed with depression. Both can make you feel as though you have no energy for anything....

What a can tell you is.....you will feel better! I felt washed up and used up after my divorce just from the emotional roller coaster, but it did pass.

It sounds simplistic, I know, but try to do some little things for yourself--make your favorite easy meal, go for a walk, allow yourself an extra 30 minutes sleep.....

Hugs! HG

((Blessed)) BTW - :bday6 Happy Belated Birthday, Blessed! As you know I started the divorce process last week. I feel worn out and beaten down, but think I have felt like this for the past year. I am 32 years old and feel old as he!! too! I think maybe a part of it is a little depression too. This weather we are having doesnt help much either.

I have been watching movies and have been able to GUT Laugh at parts!! That makes me feel really good at the time. Laughter is the best medicine. I also started going to church and continuing to go to Alanon. I feel so relaxed and refreshed when I leave both places.

B4 - Take care of YOU! Go get a movie. Go with your kids *(I do that often now) Let out those gut laughs and take it easy! :ghug

Yes, and yes to what everyone else said. It DOES get so much better, just hold on to that thought Blessed.

yes, blessed, i felt 110 at least. tired, haggered, no energy, no motivation....didn't even want to take a bath or brush my teeth. it was pretty bad. felt like i had the life juices just sucked right out of me.

it got much better tho. and it will for you to, when you begin to take those steps.

many hugs to you

Thank you ago, and thank you to everyone else too. I have noticed that my diet has gone to more high fat and fast food/caffeine, I have stopped exercising, that I'm not sleeping well, and that in general I have neglected me. I needed the reminder!

OMG! When I look at pictures of me three or four years ago, I cannot believe it is the same person. Not only was I fat and out of shape, but I was also sad and angry and there was no life in my face at all. It was not just that I was feeling old and tired, I actually was! Not only did I lose the 220lb. weight around my ankle, I lost 30lbs. of my own fat. And I started smiling and laughing again. I feel at least 20 years younger than I did. And I actually look like a new person. It's amazing.

L

I hung out recently with my sister and some of her friends that I don't see very often. She told me afterwards that they had commented on how "great" I look since I have separated (and since divorced) my ex. I haven't really lost any weight, but I have let my hair grow some and have been coloring it. I think I just smile and laugh more; and I know I am happier. The fact that these friends were of the male persuasion gave my ego a nice boost, too!

blessed,

I played an unwitting little science experiment on myself this past week.

I've been away from home for a few days, traveling back east to bury a family member I loved. During those days, I slipped back into the habits I used to have when I was full-on unrecovering codie: High-fat foods, no fresh anything (my father-in-law won't eat fresh fruits or veggies), more alcohol & caffeine, tons of sodium, very poor sleep, no B vitamins, no exercise, no fresh air & sunshine, high stress.

In the space of four days, I became a miserable wreck. By the time I got home this weekend, I was vacillating between comatose and a raving lunatic. Retaining water like crazy, crying, nervous, stressed, sad, exhausted, and just plain old & weary. I actually had to go back to one of the posts I made a long time ago on another board, and start following my own advice LOL. This is my standard recipe for getting out of the doldrums:

--Start again taking a full multivitamin and a stress B complex
--Start taking calcium again
--Pull out all the stops and get a full, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep
--Eat fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, and drink a glass of water every hour, even if I don't feel like it
--No alcohol, very little caffeine, no chemicals (ibuprofen, sleep pills, etc.)
--Spend 30 minutes outdoors walking
--Take 15-minute blocks of time to meditate, listen to quiet music, or just sit and count my alphabetical blessings: I'm grateful for...al-anon, my brother, cool summer breezes, dogs.... :)
--Call one friend and make a plan to do something great soon
--Take a little time to help somebody else out....

It's my "doctor's prescription" for getting out of the quagmire. My blood pressure is already down, my outlook is better, and I'm remembering all the joyous possibilities again.
How many of those things have you been denying yourself lately, or not "had time for" ? What would it look like if you prescribed yourself a plan to feel better? Anything we can do to help?
:ghug3

I have been denying myself ALL of them......I haven't been taking supplements, no calcium (SHAME ON ME with osteoporosis in my family), almost no water and lots of (diet) soda. As usual, you guys are brilliant. I'm committing to 2 weeks of good solid effort on focusing on me and my health. If anyone would like to join me we can compare notes!

:Val004:

Can I just say, I haven't lost a parent, but I did lose a much loved MIL two years ago. The first year is very very hard. Don't tell yourself that you should be recovered and over the grief 'now'. Give yourself time. The first year is full of the 'firsts', first easter without them, first birthday without them, first Christmas without them, first anniversary. It really does take a year to get back to 'normal', and dealing with a new job, and other changes, does make it harder.

The plan to 'live right' for two weeks sounds good though, I 'should' do that :). I'm very bad at not getting enough sleep :(.

blessed, I'll certainly join you! I really need to......I've really messed myself up and it's taking a bit of time for me to get back to where I feel good about myself again (I'm not a lunatic any longer, but I'm still having trouble with bad dreams, tiredness, feeling fat/old/sick, rampant codie thoughts, etc...) I have a very bad time with winter anyway, and I've let myself get way off balance.

I'll PM you my email in case it would help you to check in with somebody from time to time during your "Two Weeks of Blessed4X" :D