GiveLove

I know we've talked about this before a few times, but I've been suffering a bit lately and am wondering if I'm going mad.

I used to be able to listen to country music and the way it glorifies boozing. I used to be able to handle those songs like Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, etc. landing in jail because he loved his wife so much he killed her. I could deal with all those ten thousand popular rock/country/etc. songs about "she left me and now I'm so all alone" and "if you leave me I'll die."

But nowadays, all I can do is make angry remarks in my head and under my breath. Like "Yeah, I'm sure she up and left for no reason at all.......it couldn't have been the case of beer every night and the way you kicked her dog, I guess." And, "Really? This guy/gal abuses the heck out of you, and you're saying you can't live without them...I'd say you'd better work on that."

I find myself thinking about how this is all no longer amusing, and worrying (lightly) about how much of the world is remaining brainwashed by this stuff, thinking it's normal because they hear it day in and day out on the radio.

Do I need a kick in the butt to stop thinking this stuff? Would someone please administer it to me? I would like to be able to go back to enjoying popular music.

TryingSoHard

I absolutely agree with you. It's everywhere, and it's glorified everywhere. And not just in country music - there is a song out right now by Ludacris called "One More Drink" and it just makes my heart sink every time I hear it (I am a recovering alcoholic). This is what my kids are growing up listening to - how great it is to go to a bar, get wasted, and pick up strangers for sex.

Our culture ABSOLUTELY glorifies alcohol. Just look at the magazine ads. You can be this sexy, this beautiful, this popular, if only you drink this brand of vodka/tequila/beer.

I didn't used to see it this way, but now that I'm sober I definitely do.

sodetermined

I notice it more with country music, about the glorification of drinking. With songs like "The more I drink...the more I drink", or "Whiskey Lullaby", a suicidal drinking song. Or there is one where the guy goes out to a bar and gets so drunk he can't remember what happened the night before. The reason for his getting drunk was b/c he ran into his woman that left him, who happened to be with another man. The thought crosses my mind..."Could it be b/c you drink so much you can't remember it the next day?".

And on the flip side, there are songs that trigger my codependency. Chris and I were separated one time, and I was doing good...then the song "Whatever it Takes" by Lifehouse came on, and I ended up calling him that day.

Anymore, I have my own playlists/cd's that I listen to, and I try and put songs on there that pertain to strong women, being single, etc.

But I agree with what you are thinking, I don't think you are crazy.

cyclelady

I have been having the same thoughts on music and advertising. I drive down the expressway and there is a HUGE billboard that reads "BUSCH" HUGE! Now why? Now my kids are reading it as we pass by. My 6 year old is learning how to read and is reading everything, what a great example.

What about the commercials that are on (seems like) every 2 minutes that says "DRINKABILITY" Do you have it? WTF?

I totally agree, our culture ABSOLUTELY glorifies alcohol.

sojourner

he he, Givelove. You can't unring a bell, and you'll never be able to go back to those songs again. But you'll find other songs/artists that are more to your new worldview... trust me on that one.

GiveLove

I swear, there are times when I absolutely will not watch TV and will not listen to the radio, because I know how powerful their influence can be and I just don't want to feel what they'll make me feel! Maybe pop culture is like alcohol itself......it's not evil in and of itself, but it can do a lot of damage when misused or allowed to mess with our serenity. Ugh.

Lilyflower

Unfortunately, the vast majority of humanity have never had to do ANY recovery work what so ever. Most people go through life oblivious to their family or origin issues, subtle forms of abuse, alcoholism, addictions, depression etc etc etc.

Most folks go through life never thinking outside of their box. Never seeing the world from another angle.

I think facing addiction and its effects is a spiritual path. That's not to say I think it is religious or anything, but I believe the 'coming out of the fog', learning the 3 C's, learning to live and let live, let go and let HP, take what you will and leave the rest and all those other al-anon/AA/NA etc etc slogans hold deep spiritual meanings.

All of us who have been through the trauma of an addicted loved one here on F&F are on a journey of our spirit. We are deepening our understanding of life, and what life means to us. We are becoming spiritually aawakened.

Now if we all got together and wrote some music/TV soap opera/tele drama, we'd write it from our realised view point.

I see the world completely different since my journey began. I too have found my tastes in music and such change. I find myself listening to songs and thinking, ''oh my goodness, get off your pity pot already!'' or ''that gal needs some self esteem'', Lol!

I don't like to watch the soaps either because they are full of characters using anger, manipulation, emotional abuse etc etc to get their way or to get on in life, I had enough of that living with abf, and I find that watching them awakens my frustrations!

My journey has lead me to seek out minds that are like my own, people who see the world in the way I do. I have begun to give my time to those who increase my spiritual goodness and not increase my deluded states of being!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chrysalis123

I turn those songs off and i also talk to my kids about how sick that message is and that is why we are switching off the radio!

Barbara52

I think moving toward better mental health causes less and less interest in a whole lotta popular culture. TV shows, music, talk shows, you name it. When you come down to it, they are sick in oh so many ways and become boring, annoying, whatever when you filter it through the learnings of recovery. Not a bad thing to do, now is it?

GiveLove

Ditto on soaps. Also on sitcoms. You know those figures where the scientists count how many acts of violence the average kid (or TV viewer) sees on TV in the course of a week? (Like 200 or something like that) I think you might count other things as well.

How many lies do they see? I was watching an old Seinfeld rerun the other night and counted 20 "innocent" lies told in one episode....and every time the "audience" (laughtrack) laughed and laughed. Things I would laugh at ten years ago, nowadays I just think, god you spineless jerk. Even if it's supposed to be cute and romantic, I think "you would last approximately twelve seconds in my life, you stinky liar."

Oh, gosh, I'm ruined. I have to go live in a cave now.

ToughChoices

Can I come live in your cave, too, GL?

I found an old Dixie Chicks cd that I used to love - was listening to it in the car.
I know every single word on that album, so I'm singing along and I realize I'm saying,
"Without you I'm not OK. Without you I've lost my way. My heart's stuck in second place - without you."

I had to turn it off. I literally said, "Nuh uh."

P.S. I'm a good cave-keeper, I cook a mean venison stew, and I don't snore.

TryingSoHard

RIGHT THERE with ya!! My youngest will be 6 next month and he is starting to read everything his little eyes can process and yes, I wish I could filter out some of it.

I second that emotion, too. Those commercials make me cringe.

LaTeeDa

What about that song, I think it's Tricia Yearwood, where she catches him cheating and vandalizes his pickup truck. Every time I hear that I think, OMG what kind of message is that??????????

And movies, too. I actually read an article a couple of weeks ago where they did a study and found that people who prefer romantic comedies tend to have unrealistic views regarding relationships.

The good news is I can choose what I "consume." There are singers and writers and movie directors out there who are more enlightened. I choose to listen/read/watch their stuff.

L

GiveLove

Mmmmmmm, venison stew.
You're in!

My husband says, sagely, and with a perfectly straight face, "That means they are in liquid form. A solid would not be quite as drinkable."

guiab

I once spent 2 summer months in northern Maine listening to 'Top-40' country music because there was no other station that could reach the valley I was working in.
Yeah, a lot of it has men drinking, doing bad stuff, and whining about the consequences. A lot of blues-ey rock music is the same.

Strangely enough, a lot of women country singers celebrate liberation and 'getting rid of him'.
Apologies to country music fans, but this is cannot be good relationship music. Or maybe this is only true in rural Maine.

Then again, what IS?
About the only place you can find music that celebrates respect, helping others, healing, and community is in a church (synagogue, temple).
I did run across a great internet radio station - 12stepmusic.com - with lots of recovery music. It has a lot of good stuff - but I am by no measure a music expert. YMMV.

Still Waters

They sell lingerie at Wal-Mart in the little girls section. We have many problems with "image" in this country.

Taking5

Jeez look at Celebrity Rehab! At least they are giving sobriety a shot, but good lord rehab is like a badge of honor in the entertainment industry.

*** WARNING: Irrelevant Bitching Ahead ***

And how many of those people do you consider "celebrities"? In my book, one, Gary Busey. I have heard of a few of the others (that doesn't make you a celebrity) and one of them has a dad that is a bonefide celebrity, but that's about it.

I'd 13th step Amber Smith in a NYC second though. Its a good thing she doesn't come to my home group.

TryingSoHard

Amen.

Pajarito

As someone who is part of the design/advertising/teaching community, I have to say time changes things. I now see things differently than I used to, and I feel a huge responsibility to make the right choices in how I do my work. Ads for partying over spring break make me sick now where they might not have bothered me 20 years ago. I teach 20-somethings about marketing and advertising, and I make sure there is a component on ethics included. I want my students to think about what is being marketed to them (partying over spring break for instance!) as well as what their responsibility is to themselves and others when it comes to creating work that will be consumed by plenty of innocent young people. This is just the tip of the iceberg for me. . .

Music is something I'm thinking about more too. STBXAH is a big Johnny Cash fan. I don't listen to it anymore. It's too loaded. One of STBXAH's favorites was, "The Beast in Me." Interesting. . .

p.s.- LTD- I think the song you mentioned is Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats."

LaTeeDa

Thanks for clarifying. I always turn it off before they say who it is, lol.

Also, thanks for teaching ethics in marketing and advertising. You are making the world a better place.

L