just get over him
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
just get over him
hello everyone it has been along time since I have written. My NOW EXH is still drikning and says he needs ME to help him stop for good. Why should I quit my jpb, move 1200 miles away from my dau and granddau if he is still drinking, I love him and always will why cant I just NOT pick up the phone when he calls and go on with life. It has been 2 years we have been seperated and divorce final for 6 months. I have tried in vain to help his parents help him, help myself and just live. any suggestions?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Try not to flog yourself to heavily.
Obviously the man means something to you.
Maybe you're just going to feel ambivalent until you don;t feel ambivalent anymore.
All feelings are OK. It's behaviors we have to check.
Why would you move 1200 miles away to return to something you healthily escaped from?? I can't imagine why unless you've lost your mind!!!! ;-)
Why do you pick up the phone when you know it's him?
I don't know - old habits die hard - but they can be changed, with a little discipline and a little plan.
Make a plan that if he calls you will not answer. You will let the machine answer.
Then you can delete the message or listen when you have settled your mind. Or change your number or block him from being able to call you. Drastic? Maybe. Efeective? 100%.
Don't be hard on yourself. And remember, if he is still active in his addiction? That's the REALITY. He doesn't need you to get sober. He is just quacking.
Hang in there - one day at a time--
Peace-
B.
Obviously the man means something to you.
Maybe you're just going to feel ambivalent until you don;t feel ambivalent anymore.
All feelings are OK. It's behaviors we have to check.
Why would you move 1200 miles away to return to something you healthily escaped from?? I can't imagine why unless you've lost your mind!!!! ;-)
Why do you pick up the phone when you know it's him?
I don't know - old habits die hard - but they can be changed, with a little discipline and a little plan.
Make a plan that if he calls you will not answer. You will let the machine answer.
Then you can delete the message or listen when you have settled your mind. Or change your number or block him from being able to call you. Drastic? Maybe. Efeective? 100%.
Don't be hard on yourself. And remember, if he is still active in his addiction? That's the REALITY. He doesn't need you to get sober. He is just quacking.
Hang in there - one day at a time--
Peace-
B.
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
NO he has not quit and NOTHING has changed in his world. He is worse than he ever was! he is 6'4 and weighs 141 pounds! he drinks none stop, absoutely NOTHING he has changed. and you are right I try and put me first, he has tried to stop drinking fro 10 years. he has been in the hospital 80 + times in the past 2.5 years, has seizures and rehab at least 10 times. Noone and nothing helps. we have all tired.... I just need to forget him somehow... why after all this time does it still hurt.
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
Bernadette, makes sense. I just need all the support from here I can get:-) It helps and I hate I have waited so long to come back to this forum. I have missed everyone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
why after all this time does it still hurt.
Because it is really really harrowing and painful to see what addiction does to beautiful people.
It is.
There's no getting around that.
I know exactly what you mean - when I see the ravages that 20 years of drinking has left on my brothers....it is very painful. I just cannot dwell on those thoughts because then my obsession starts to affect my behavior and then I end up in a world of hurt!! I cannot deny the existence of these feelings but neither do I have to let them dictate my choices.
***sigh***
(((((hugs)))))
B.
Because it is really really harrowing and painful to see what addiction does to beautiful people.
It is.
There's no getting around that.
I know exactly what you mean - when I see the ravages that 20 years of drinking has left on my brothers....it is very painful. I just cannot dwell on those thoughts because then my obsession starts to affect my behavior and then I end up in a world of hurt!! I cannot deny the existence of these feelings but neither do I have to let them dictate my choices.
***sigh***
(((((hugs)))))
B.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
from anvilhead:one of the hardest things we have to learn is to stay in our own hula hoop. and start up the mantra...NOT MY PROBLEM, NOT MY PROBLEM, NOT MY PROBLEM
OMG I am laughing out loud at this image but also profoundly touched!! This is gonna be my go-to image/thought for the day!!!! Thank you anvil!!
Whaddyu say vols? Let's hula our troubles away!!
B.
OMG I am laughing out loud at this image but also profoundly touched!! This is gonna be my go-to image/thought for the day!!!! Thank you anvil!!
Whaddyu say vols? Let's hula our troubles away!!
B.
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
awe this is so helpful and meaningful. Girls I SO needed this. I have tired, I just need to learn to put that "lost" energy into ME:-) and I would love to hula all afternoon. The support here is so wonderful, I feel better already. I may just change my phone number, that would help. and Pray...
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
I am laughing right now, NOT MY PROBLEM NOT MY PROBLEM, too funny....
and the noodle trick is classic anvilhead, we have tried it all with him and he continues to drink. I told him more than once with him it is like a roller coaster ride that never STOPS. and I had to jump 2 years ago to get off! WHY the heck would I want to move back to the same endless ride:-) I want to go on a new one LOL a good one, a fun one, a healthy one
and the noodle trick is classic anvilhead, we have tried it all with him and he continues to drink. I told him more than once with him it is like a roller coaster ride that never STOPS. and I had to jump 2 years ago to get off! WHY the heck would I want to move back to the same endless ride:-) I want to go on a new one LOL a good one, a fun one, a healthy one
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
YEP, one small thing for me this afternoon could lead to bigger things, thanks all for the encouragement, I needed it and maybe that is one thing I did good for ME today:-)
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
Originally Posted by volsgal1162 
Why should I quit my jpb, move 1200 miles away from my dau and granddau if he is still drinking,
any suggestions?
any suggestions?
He is worse than he ever was! he is 6'4 and weighs 141 pounds! he drinks none stop,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Volsgal, just sending you a hug today, because you're facing some tough thoughts 
Always hard when we care about someone's well-being to admit that we are not all-powerful and able to make their troubles go away.
You're on the right track, taking care of YOU, and I'm glad you're laughing as hard as I am at anvilhead and bernadette.
Aloha !!
Always hard when we care about someone's well-being to admit that we are not all-powerful and able to make their troubles go away.You're on the right track, taking care of YOU, and I'm glad you're laughing as hard as I am at anvilhead and bernadette.
Aloha !!
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
Inatailspin and Givelove:
thanks for all the support as it is a hard road I just having to keep going ahead and not 1200 miles back:-) noone else understands that has not gone thru it that is why I come here as my family does not understand. It is heartbreaking for me and I made peace with leaving him I just have to learn to forgive ME and know it wasnt me, it was the drinking.
and yes I do feel much better than I did a few hours ago. that is why we are family here at SR :-)
thanks for all the support as it is a hard road I just having to keep going ahead and not 1200 miles back:-) noone else understands that has not gone thru it that is why I come here as my family does not understand. It is heartbreaking for me and I made peace with leaving him I just have to learn to forgive ME and know it wasnt me, it was the drinking.
and yes I do feel much better than I did a few hours ago. that is why we are family here at SR :-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by volsgal1162
Why should I quit my jpb, move 1200 miles away from my dau and granddau if he is still drinking,
Finding Me Again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by goodlukchrm
The definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results. Albert Einstein
Boy, that has definitely been hitting home lately.
Boy, that has definitely been hitting home lately.
I am trying my best to make 2009 without INSANITY
thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: still getting there
Posts: 33
Vols, would love to be in Panama City right now. I'm in WV but use to live in P'cola. I've thought about moving back down there at some point coz my sister is still there, but that would mean leaving my 20 yr old daughter. She has a really nice boyfriend (who I thank God for) and they are pretty settled here.
I wish there was a chat room for the F & F.
I wish there was a chat room for the F & F.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
