Hi to all!! Back with son's addiction
 

Hi everybody! I've thought about you all often and it's good to know that this awesome forum is still going and offering help/advice/support to those that need it.

When I first came on here in 2004, it was my xabf and a year of turmoil there. But, through Al Anon and all of you, that relationship ended a long time ago.

It's my son who will be 30yrs old this year...that has the drinking addiction. He got two DUI's back-to-back in 2007 and needed a lawyer. The laws have gotten alot stricter here in CO, as they should be.

I retained a lawyer for him and my as (alcoholic son) just did in house arrest for the month of Dec. for the one DUI and now he's in jail today for a bit for the 2nd one.

The whole time he was on house arrest, he was still drinking. I'd go visit him and see him on the holidays and he was still using. So, house arrest didn't do much for him because he was still "running' while on it.

In jail, he'll have to be sober and also his PO will be taking random breathilizers and putting a device on his vehicle to blow into before driving.

He has HUNDREDS of community service, fines and classes. He has no job, he's gotten fired from each one. He's homeless because everywhere he lived, he didn't pay rent.

On house arrest, he stayed with his Dad and during that time stold his Dad's credit cards and booked flights for his gf's and other things...ran up thousands of $ on his dad's cards. It just seems like his addiction is getting worse and worse, he lies constantly. He's very sensitive to talk to...if one thing is said that he doesn't like...he jumps on you verbally.

He's just filled with pain...his uncle/best friend, died of a cocaine accidental overdose on Christmas 2005 and my son knew his uncle did some drugs, but not to the extent that he was. My AS was the last person with his uncle the night before he died and so my AS has been feeling guilty ever since. He constantly runs and needs people's acceptance.

My fear is for when he gets out of jail....where will he go? What will he do? Will he finally see after years and years of drinking that it's JUST NOT WORTH IT?

I'm scared for him because of the fact that he continues to keep the cycle going.

I ask for your prayers for him...this is gonna take alot to get him to FINALLY hit that bottom and want back up.

Thank you and I hope all of your holidays were blessed!:praying

I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing because of your son's addiction. I hope you use those skills you learned dealing with the xabf again in dealing with your son.

Where will he go and what will he do? Only he can decide right? He can choose to help himself. Or not. You can take care of yourself. Please do. {hugs}

I will pray for recovery for your son, Girlfriend, and for peace for you, too. It's good to have you back.

Hi Girlfriend, I have been on SR for just a few months, my son is an A too. I am afraid for him also, but all I can do is prayer for him and trust God to keep him safe. In the meantime I have to take care of myself and work on myself..I will pray for your son too. (hugs)

Surely you know that rescuing him as he leaves jail will only enable his disease to progress.

If you are willing to help, perhaps you can find a long term treatment center and make that your only offer - that he enter the day he is released.

If he doesn't choose treatment then he will need to keep going until he finds his bottom.

I know it is tough to parent a grown addict. My own son is currently in his 10th month at a long term program. He went pretty low before he was willing to go, again. This is his third treatment.

Keep hope alive that your son is ready to change and willling to do whatever necessary to stay sober.

Take care of yourself as you remember how to let go, detach and help.

Girlfriend,

To answer your question about 'where will he go and what will he do?'...I asked the same thing about my son. Once I became well acquainted with alot of the residents in the halfway house where my son often stayed; I learned just how resourceful a person can be when it comes to picking up the pieces and getting back into life. Once my son began to take responsiblity for himself, he was motivated because he regained the long lost confidence and self esteem needed to make it in the world.

There are plenty of people and resources where he can go to for help and it's up to him to find that help. It wasn't easy for me to let go, but I'm so glad I did because it was the best gift I could give to my son. He got his self esteem back by working hard and doing the 'next right thing' which gave him the motivation and desire to stay clean.

Thank you all, Angels!! I can't help my son anymore...I've spent so much $ on him that I've gotta save what's left for my own retirement. Both his Dad and I have paid for all of his mistakes...his Dad has lost the most $.

I remember when I was in my late 20's and drinking, too (I'll be sober 15 yrs this year! Thank GOD!:), my Dad had helped me out alot financially, but the last time, he said, "okay, I'm gonna help you this time, but this is the LAST time, so don't ask again" and I never did. That was thee best thing that he could do for me. Because then I had to go out there and fend on my own......and did it.

I wanted to share this story with you, really quickly. A friend of mine saw that I had put up a blog on my son w/o giving details and just saying that he wasn't in a good place right now, but he's fighting his way back.
So, this friend contacted me and said "those are strong words for your son. I pray that whatever he's going through, he'll make it".

I told him in a private message what was going on and he told me a story about his love of his life who was an alcoholic and a meth user and was in jail for a long time.
While she was in jail, he bought her a used car and some nice clothes for a job and when she got out, he asked her "you know why I got you these things, right?" and she said "yes, because you love me".

He said "Well, I do love you, but this way, you have no excuses to fail. You have a car and some clothes, so it's your choice".

I just thought that was the neatest thing....enabling her? maybe. But, it's true. a's will find any excuse to not succeed.

I'm angry with my son....because he's hurt so many people, took all their money and yet, it's still all about him and he's 30 yrs old!!!! But, on the other hand, I understnad it and will love him always.

Thank you for your prayers!!