it's a new year -2009 :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
it's a new year -2009 :)
i want to thank you all for helping me get through some really tough stuff. i'm sure there will be much more to come.
i was literally hanging by a thread new years eve. my emotions and moods are all over the place. i know this and have to accept it and ride it out most of the time. thanks ago for reminding me that it doesn't have anything to do with progress.
new years day, it was like my body said enough. i sat around watching good movies in my jammies (excpet going to dinner at my parents) and gave myself the permission to do nothing.
it was then that i made a decision that this is a new year. i decided to just wipe the slate clean from last year. keep the good and get rid of the bad. it's a new year and a brand new start.
i'm determined and i also know without a doubt, without any uncertaintly at all, that i WILL NOT be in the same position at the end of next year. no matter what this is the year that things will change one way or another. i will be in a much better place at the end of next year and this is giving me hope and a better spirit.
AH hasn't drank again in two days and did spend new years eve with me. he says that he talked to a pastor at his church he is going to about counseling. i told him if he is serious i will go with him, but he has to do the work. in the meantime i am holding to my boundaries.
i honestly don't know how i feel about the counseling, because i really don't if the damage is repairable. i don't have the same feelings for him anymore. i love him, but am no loving "in love" with him -kwim? it hurst to acknowledge this, but it is true. he can't seem to understand how much damage is done and the effort and time it will take to repair it, if it is repairable.
anyway, WISHING ALL OF YOU THE VERY BEST IN 2009!!!!
i was literally hanging by a thread new years eve. my emotions and moods are all over the place. i know this and have to accept it and ride it out most of the time. thanks ago for reminding me that it doesn't have anything to do with progress.
new years day, it was like my body said enough. i sat around watching good movies in my jammies (excpet going to dinner at my parents) and gave myself the permission to do nothing.
it was then that i made a decision that this is a new year. i decided to just wipe the slate clean from last year. keep the good and get rid of the bad. it's a new year and a brand new start.
i'm determined and i also know without a doubt, without any uncertaintly at all, that i WILL NOT be in the same position at the end of next year. no matter what this is the year that things will change one way or another. i will be in a much better place at the end of next year and this is giving me hope and a better spirit.
AH hasn't drank again in two days and did spend new years eve with me. he says that he talked to a pastor at his church he is going to about counseling. i told him if he is serious i will go with him, but he has to do the work. in the meantime i am holding to my boundaries.
i honestly don't know how i feel about the counseling, because i really don't if the damage is repairable. i don't have the same feelings for him anymore. i love him, but am no loving "in love" with him -kwim? it hurst to acknowledge this, but it is true. he can't seem to understand how much damage is done and the effort and time it will take to repair it, if it is repairable.
anyway, WISHING ALL OF YOU THE VERY BEST IN 2009!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
Hopeangel,
I wanted to share with you that I have been in denial and not wanting to see the truth for over 20 years.
Not just with my stbxah, but in all matters of life. If a friend said something hurtful, I just pretended they never said it. I looked the other way. I was a pro at denying the truth.
The thing about denying the truth is that it made my brain "fuzzy". I could not remember anything. Because I never paid attention to anything.
I find that life is so much better for me now that I walk in truth. In all things. In all places. Always. Does is hurt sometimes? Absolutely. Do I have strong urges to pretend things don't happen? You bet. But I know that living in truth is so much easier than living in denial.
I see things for what they are. I listen to my "gut". I look people right in the eyes and see their truth. It is so powerful.
I wish this for you, my dear!
Shivaya
I wanted to share with you that I have been in denial and not wanting to see the truth for over 20 years.
Not just with my stbxah, but in all matters of life. If a friend said something hurtful, I just pretended they never said it. I looked the other way. I was a pro at denying the truth.
The thing about denying the truth is that it made my brain "fuzzy". I could not remember anything. Because I never paid attention to anything.
I find that life is so much better for me now that I walk in truth. In all things. In all places. Always. Does is hurt sometimes? Absolutely. Do I have strong urges to pretend things don't happen? You bet. But I know that living in truth is so much easier than living in denial.
I see things for what they are. I listen to my "gut". I look people right in the eyes and see their truth. It is so powerful.
I wish this for you, my dear!
Shivaya
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Shivaya, I have that fuzzy brain! I have problems remembering things too - what happened when etc. that I think is from shielding myself and tuning everything out for years. Does it go once you start seeing things as they really are? I feel like I've been sleepwalking for years!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 167
Me too! Shivaya, you hit the nail on the head with that brain fuzzy explanation. When things are so painful, maybe we bury our head in the sand and get the brain fuzzy thing. Lack of retaining memeories etc. Walking in the truth. I love that. Thanks
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
