tiredlady2006

I signed the lease an apartment today... this morning I was so excited, this afternoon I'm depressed and getting nervous about it.

Why can't I stick with a freaking decision and feel good about it. I got one call from my AH and now I feel terrible. And he wasn't even mean on the phone.

What is wrong with me.

GiveLove

And were you okay before you took that call?

Barbara52

If you are like me, you will experience a new kind of rollercoaster for a while as you take the moves necessary to build a new life. I think it's pretty normal to go thru a wide range of emotions. It isn't easy to leave even when yuo KNOW its the right thing to do.

Be patient with yourself. You will get to the point where you are off this roller coaster too.

tiredlady2006

yes, I was ok before I took the call. I was excited about having my new apartment, getting new furniture, etc. Then I took the call and thought.. jeez, in 5 days I've left my husband, signed a 1 year lease, and ordered furniture. haha the anxiety started to set in.

cagefree

Nothing

As many have already told me - feelings aren't facts. I'm try not to judge myself by my feelings - only my actions. I am my biggest critic and can be very good at it.

What's worked for me is that I allow myself to feel any feelings that arise - even when those feelings are not comfortable or wanted. When I saw allow, I mean that I try not to give myself a grade on how I'm doing in my recovery based on what I feeling. I'd like to say I'm good at it - but hey, I'm a work in progress

It's my actions I grade.

While I'll never be able to control my feelings, I do try to understand where they come from - but having been taught from a very early age that my feelings were never my own and that I had to have permission before I could feel anything negative towards anyone else, it's refreshing to no longer be held accountable for my feelings.

You sound like you are right where you need to be - congrats on the lease!!!

LaTeeDa

As the others have said, it is oh so normal to be emotional in the beginning. At five days, I don't think I had a coherent thought. Give yourself a break.

Having said that, one of the patterns I noticed and worked on with my therapist was my self-sabotage. I noticed that whenever I was feeling particularly good or optimistic, it was soon followed by anxiety and dread. I'm still not certain exactly where it comes from, but I suspect it started as a child living in an alcoholic home. Lots of promises made, lots of promises broken, tons of disappointment. My whole life spent "waiting for the other shoe to drop." Anyway, the origins are not so important as my recognition of the pattern. That feeling of dread that comes when there really isn't anything to dread. That's when I tell that voice in my head to SHUT UP, and start reminding myself of all I have to be grateful for.

L

GiveLove

yeah, but

Way to go!
Fasten your emotional seatbelt, tiredlady. There will be a few ups and downs, but that's really normal, like everyone's pointed out. Every good-but-difficult decision in life comes with those...from taking on a new job that pays more to starting a new college degree to building a tree fort. There's not a thing wrong with you. Watch those calls, though

brundle

Go you!!! I went out today and looked at a few places. I know I have to leave, but I almost fainted getting out of the car! To me you are SO brave!!!!

Be kind to yourself. I'm not there yet, but I think it's only natural to go through every feeling in the book! Hang in there. After reading posts from all the people on this board who have done this before; it gets better!

My prayers are with you!!! HUGS!!!

counselorK

This is my first post.

Good for you TiredLady. When I left my AH 6 years and spent my first night in my cute little rental, I felt the weight of the world come off my shoulders. I agree there will be ups and downs, but many more ups.

Unfortunately, I didn't learn as much from that liberating experience as I should have. I remarried too quickly. Of course he's an alcoholic. I'm once again in that place of wishing it would get better, and knowing it won't. And once again praying for courage. I guess I better educate myself on codependency.

Have no regrets. Your bravery will pay off. Stay on track and have a very Happy New Year.

lovtolaff

Not a dang thing. Honey, I've been out of this relationship for 6 mths and I still ride the emotional rollercoaster. But as someone else said I just let myself FEEL whatever it is I need to feel. Don't fight it. It's not right or wrong to feel anything. Look at what you've been through. It's only normal to have different emotions pouring out of you.

I think you are doing great! New furniture? I'm SO very jealous!!!

Maybe since it's New Years Eve and all - you could take a little time to sit quietly and reflect on the past year and then let yourself feel the excitement of the NEW YEAR with the NEW YOU!

genrs123

it sounds overwhelming! i hope you feel better. sounds like you might need some rest and some water and breathe!!! good for you on your new start. i wish you well.

hopeangel

be kind to yourself.

i'd like to second what brundle said " To me you are SO brave!!!! if youi read my posts i'm in a horrible situation and yet to find the complete courage to leave. TO ME YOU ARE SO BRAVE to have actually signed the lease. i'm envious also of you and can't wait till i get to the point i can do it also.

the AH call, well, that's what is called a trigger hon. i'm the very same way. i'm okay until i see or talk to him. really truly i am, BUT i keep seeing him and talking to him.

i've often said that if only this all could be done for me... if i could leave work TODAY and just drive to a new place with brand new furniture, new life, the divorce be all done and taken care of, I'D BE GREAT!!! I'D BE FINE!!!!, BUT, then a wise person on this board reminded me that they wouldn't and couldn't do that for me because it would be depriving me of a crucial part of my growth and learning and would deprive me of the experiences that i will use to build my OWN strength on.

your there hon, you made it to the other side so to speak. i agree just go with the emotions, let yourself feel them, but don't react to them.

i think i have yet heard one person on this board that made the choice to move on regret it. truthfully, soo hang in there.

hopefully i'll be as strong as you soon

My prayers are with you!!! HUGS!!!

Ago

I'd like to reiterate this and the other posts, I've heard that Life and recovery are like the PQRST wave on a heart monitor (umm...that thingy you see on TV behind the patients on episodes of ER haha) in that there are "peaks and valleys" that's just how life is, but when you make a large move and "start" recovery the peaks and valleys can occur in the same day.

I know for me I climb the walls, and can have "the best day ever" and "Armageddon" within a span of about two hours.

It calmed down...I'm still only a few months removed to so I'm down to about 2 mood swings a day

I just need to remember my emotional life has absolutely nothing to do with "how I am really doing" most of the time, and the difference between a good day and a bad day is about five years of retrospect so I might as well try to enjoy what's in front of me.

hopeangel

" know for me I climb the walls, and can have "the best day ever" and "Armageddon" within a span of about two hours."

yep me too, i've learned to recognize this and i've found that it passes much more quickly if you just stop, take the time to feel it, and breathe.

just think you have a whole new start right at the beginning of a whole new year. the posibilities for you are endless....AGAIN, I'M JEALOUS!!!

WISHING YOU THE BEST NEW YEAR!!!

cagefree

Nicely put!