Anyone else in my situation?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 56
Anyone else in my situation?
Hi ,I've never written in a forum in my life,there's a first time for everything?
My Aw after 6 years of downwards (upwards?) spiraling with her drinking has now passed her 3 months sober and I'm really proud of her for that!
It's her second attempt, this time she finally decided to see her doctor,take
the anti-depressant pills etc, she is seeing a sophrologue to talk about her problems and reasons and all is going ok for the moment.
My question is "How do we(family) move on?
I need to talk to some one as well to change myself not to put the same situations in front of her, that I know, but ,after all this time trying to protect the kids and our family life I feel really worn out and a bit lost (normal I know I just needed to write that down),
Are there other families in the forum,living this great but exhausting experience?
Reading the other posts I know we are "lucky" to be at this point.
I'm not complaining in any way just needing to share experiences, help and be helped if possible.
Smileys, avatars, quotes will no doubt come later ,for the moment just a first
post is a huge step for me.
Nordicwalker
My Aw after 6 years of downwards (upwards?) spiraling with her drinking has now passed her 3 months sober and I'm really proud of her for that!
It's her second attempt, this time she finally decided to see her doctor,take
the anti-depressant pills etc, she is seeing a sophrologue to talk about her problems and reasons and all is going ok for the moment.
My question is "How do we(family) move on?
I need to talk to some one as well to change myself not to put the same situations in front of her, that I know, but ,after all this time trying to protect the kids and our family life I feel really worn out and a bit lost (normal I know I just needed to write that down),
Are there other families in the forum,living this great but exhausting experience?
Reading the other posts I know we are "lucky" to be at this point.
I'm not complaining in any way just needing to share experiences, help and be helped if possible.
Smileys, avatars, quotes will no doubt come later ,for the moment just a first
post is a huge step for me.
Nordicwalker
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Hey Nordic,
Welcome
I am so sleepy I'm in a daze, just headed to bed, but wanted to say hello and welcome
There are "stickies" here at the top of the forum and many go to Alanon for support
Many couples with a sober alcoholic, when the alcoholic goes to AA meetings, the partner will go to alanon, I see this in "real life" frequently with an Alanon meeting and an AA meeting in the same building.
Those people frequently hold hands, kiss, and go to dinner with friends after the meeting and everyone laughs a lot, something I personally want from a relationship and find "attractive".
The biggest "common denominator" is we learn how to take care of ourselves, and let the alcoholic take care of themselves.
There are many of us that are sober alcoholics as well, so you will get some great insight, help is on the way, people will be around soon, sit tight
This is a great resource, you are at the right place
Welcome
I am so sleepy I'm in a daze, just headed to bed, but wanted to say hello and welcome
There are "stickies" here at the top of the forum and many go to Alanon for support
Many couples with a sober alcoholic, when the alcoholic goes to AA meetings, the partner will go to alanon, I see this in "real life" frequently with an Alanon meeting and an AA meeting in the same building.
Those people frequently hold hands, kiss, and go to dinner with friends after the meeting and everyone laughs a lot, something I personally want from a relationship and find "attractive".
The biggest "common denominator" is we learn how to take care of ourselves, and let the alcoholic take care of themselves.
There are many of us that are sober alcoholics as well, so you will get some great insight, help is on the way, people will be around soon, sit tight
This is a great resource, you are at the right place
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Welcome, nordicwalker! I am glad you found us. There is a great deal of support (of all kinds) available on this forum and I know you will find it a valuable community.
In recovering from the experience of being with alcoholics/addicts, the single most valuable thing I did for myself was personal counseling. It was an exhilirating experience to spend some time each week working on ME, with a person whose job it was to help me figure out all of the mazes and puzzles of my damaged mind.
Good luck with everything!
In recovering from the experience of being with alcoholics/addicts, the single most valuable thing I did for myself was personal counseling. It was an exhilirating experience to spend some time each week working on ME, with a person whose job it was to help me figure out all of the mazes and puzzles of my damaged mind.
Good luck with everything!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 56
Thanks also to Barbera 52 and Givelove
I'm going on the counseling journey (hope its a return trip)
Starting next week.
Can anyone tell me why I can't add a signature?
Message says I have to wait for 15 posts.
The time difference is a bit confusing(7 hours later here in europe)but I'll get over it,I've had worse problems these last few years!
nordicwalker
I'm going on the counseling journey (hope its a return trip)
Starting next week.
Can anyone tell me why I can't add a signature?
Message says I have to wait for 15 posts.
The time difference is a bit confusing(7 hours later here in europe)but I'll get over it,I've had worse problems these last few years!
nordicwalker
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
welcome walker!!! so as i read your post i wondered to myself what the hell IS a sophrologue anyway....? that even thru "The Google" for a loop! Welcome to SR. I am so encouraged to hear of your wife's progress, but also of your own!!! recognizing that you too have a recovery process to go thru is huge.
I've just realised "sophrologue " is french hope you've found out what it means.
Someone who can listen and "feel" what you you are really saying is how I see it -works for me -you find yourself saying things that suddenly seem obvious and "so thats why I do that" etc
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by anvilhead
great, 4 posts and HE'S already figured out the quote thingie....i just had a wonderful PM from GiveLove who ever so gently guided me thru the process, and i've been here since 2006!!!
well done walker!!!
well done walker!!!
Thanks again
Goodnight from France(gone midnight here)
Tomorow I do "Avatars"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: California
Posts: 7
hi walker,
Congrads on the quote thingy! That's still something I've yet to tackle.
A question for you: How old are your kids and aware are they of the situation? I ask this because I remember when I was very young and could tell that my dad was having problems and it was related to the bottles my mom kept throwing away in anger. I know now that it was alcohol and for a long time knew that something had happened when I was younger, I just didn't fully understand. Later when I became a teenager my dad fell off the wagon and all those memories came back in a huge rush. My dad went back on the wagon and rather than talk about it and act as support for each other, we just sort of pretended it never happened. After 4-5 years of off/on the wagon moments, it became this huge elephant in the corner that everybody saw but nobody mentioned.
I guess what I'm getting at is my mom trying to hide my dad's alcoholism (even during his recovery) didn't work. We were smart enough to see what was going on but because my parents wouldn't talk about it, us kids couldn't talk about it, and that made it worse for everyone.
You and your wife are taking the steps my parents (and family) didn't - talking and supporting each other.
Warm wishes!
Congrads on the quote thingy! That's still something I've yet to tackle.
A question for you: How old are your kids and aware are they of the situation? I ask this because I remember when I was very young and could tell that my dad was having problems and it was related to the bottles my mom kept throwing away in anger. I know now that it was alcohol and for a long time knew that something had happened when I was younger, I just didn't fully understand. Later when I became a teenager my dad fell off the wagon and all those memories came back in a huge rush. My dad went back on the wagon and rather than talk about it and act as support for each other, we just sort of pretended it never happened. After 4-5 years of off/on the wagon moments, it became this huge elephant in the corner that everybody saw but nobody mentioned.
I guess what I'm getting at is my mom trying to hide my dad's alcoholism (even during his recovery) didn't work. We were smart enough to see what was going on but because my parents wouldn't talk about it, us kids couldn't talk about it, and that made it worse for everyone.
You and your wife are taking the steps my parents (and family) didn't - talking and supporting each other.
Warm wishes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 56
[QUOTE=nise;2042293]hi walker,
Congrads on the quote thingy! That's still something I've yet to tackle.
A question for you: How old are your kids and aware are they of the situation?
Hi and thanks for sharing your situation with me/us.
My kids are 14(a boy), 13 and 8years old(2girls), yes they know about their mother now, for several years it was not talked about and they suffered the fights the shouting and all the tension that goes with the problem.
I (typical man I'm afraid) found it really hard to talk to them my son ignored it my eldest daughter became very angry when I tried to mention it and the youngest was just really stressed and worried about our marriage and her mother-but it was really hard to talk as I could see no solution or way forward,
so until my wife had her "bottoming out(?) it was all taboo!
She decided to talk to them and tell them that it would be ok from now on
I was not there which I regret but it is now lived with as a part of our family
life (in the background ,but there).Its joked about ,"we're spending more on alcohol for my visiting family than we've saved from her 3 months dry!!!!!"
And the kids can see we are calm together.
Sorry your dad did not stop when you were younger and still at home but its never too late and now your family is talking(I've looked at your other posts)
maybe he can help himself.
Happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
N.walker
Congrads on the quote thingy! That's still something I've yet to tackle.
A question for you: How old are your kids and aware are they of the situation?
Hi and thanks for sharing your situation with me/us.
My kids are 14(a boy), 13 and 8years old(2girls), yes they know about their mother now, for several years it was not talked about and they suffered the fights the shouting and all the tension that goes with the problem.
I (typical man I'm afraid) found it really hard to talk to them my son ignored it my eldest daughter became very angry when I tried to mention it and the youngest was just really stressed and worried about our marriage and her mother-but it was really hard to talk as I could see no solution or way forward,
so until my wife had her "bottoming out(?) it was all taboo!
She decided to talk to them and tell them that it would be ok from now on
I was not there which I regret but it is now lived with as a part of our family
life (in the background ,but there).Its joked about ,"we're spending more on alcohol for my visiting family than we've saved from her 3 months dry!!!!!"
And the kids can see we are calm together.
Sorry your dad did not stop when you were younger and still at home but its never too late and now your family is talking(I've looked at your other posts)
maybe he can help himself.
Happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
N.walker
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