Does an alcoholic know they are one?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
GREAT, a happy ending
A story like yours is just what we need to cheer up the holidays. Thanx
Originally Posted by j0hn0than1964 
Hello LostSue,
Thank you for sharing. I understand too. I am the alcoholic in our relationship. I was asked to move out of my house as well when I was using. This was an easy decision at the time as it seemed to me (the alkie mind) this would allow me to drink even more and not have to be hassled. When I moved out I left with just a few things and left her and my 8 month old daughter too. It took me another 2 months or so to realize what I had chosen to give up to keep the drink in my life. I agreed to go to an inpatient treatment center and get the help I needed and I have been sober since. Once I completed the treatment I was welcomed back home with open arms. I go to AA meetings almost daily and my life is much better. The life of my family is too of course and there is mending to be done here, but being sober and honest is allowing that to work as well. I will answer any questions you may have as I have made every lie and done whatever I needed in the past to stay on the sauce.
LOVE,
JT
Thank you for sharing. I understand too. I am the alcoholic in our relationship. I was asked to move out of my house as well when I was using. This was an easy decision at the time as it seemed to me (the alkie mind) this would allow me to drink even more and not have to be hassled. When I moved out I left with just a few things and left her and my 8 month old daughter too. It took me another 2 months or so to realize what I had chosen to give up to keep the drink in my life. I agreed to go to an inpatient treatment center and get the help I needed and I have been sober since. Once I completed the treatment I was welcomed back home with open arms. I go to AA meetings almost daily and my life is much better. The life of my family is too of course and there is mending to be done here, but being sober and honest is allowing that to work as well. I will answer any questions you may have as I have made every lie and done whatever I needed in the past to stay on the sauce.
LOVE,
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by Dreamer999
Oh no, now that I recall, whenever I mentioned issues with alcohol he would always get angry, as if you were messing with someting dear and precious to him.
JTinStLouis
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 115
Dreamer,
I can say this about discussions with an alcoholic that is using and in denial with this disease is always a struggle, I know from my past when I would be engaged in these types of discussion I would be all kinds of defensive and not even know I was doing it. It is a cunning thing the way it works on a users mind, we go to great lengths to keep what is really precious to our clouded minds. As pathetic as that may sound it is really the truth, this becomes a truly precious thing to us as we are believing Subconsciously this the solution to our issues. The even tougher part is this the case but we as users don't see or understand this until will get help and let the help sink in, therefore when we are posing arguments we are being honest, really we are not lying as we don't see all of this clearly.
JT
I can say this about discussions with an alcoholic that is using and in denial with this disease is always a struggle, I know from my past when I would be engaged in these types of discussion I would be all kinds of defensive and not even know I was doing it. It is a cunning thing the way it works on a users mind, we go to great lengths to keep what is really precious to our clouded minds. As pathetic as that may sound it is really the truth, this becomes a truly precious thing to us as we are believing Subconsciously this the solution to our issues. The even tougher part is this the case but we as users don't see or understand this until will get help and let the help sink in, therefore when we are posing arguments we are being honest, really we are not lying as we don't see all of this clearly.
JT
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 59
It's such a good question. Well my wife over the last few years has basically destroyed all our friendships, had run-ins with the law and hurt me and the rest of her family continually while she has been drunk. She still doesn't think she is an alcoholic and lives in denial. Actually I'm at the start of getting a seperation/divorce from her. She still doesn't feel like it's an issue and that I am the problem. The one magic day for her if it ever comes will be the day that she will see through this denial. Unfortunately it just seems that she has much more to lose first before she ever will see it. She sees an alcoholic as a person that drinks much more than she does, lives on the streets, no money, etc. Maybe she'll have to become like that before she ever understands.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 63
Hi Sue.
I am a recovering alcoholic and in my earlier days I knew deep down something was wrong but I didn't want to stop because it was the only way I knew to cope and to live. I had to get pregnant to straighten out and 3 months after I had my baby I had a slip and then a few more..but now I accept my disease. I am doing very well and am grateful for each morning and to feel so good.
My partner is still drinking (he goes out to bars) and he says he is fine. Sometimes sadly people need something to happen to see that they do have a problem..a DWI, a divorce, a fall..it's sad.
I think Al-anon will help you and give you some direction. I wish you happiness this new year. You can only control what YOU do..I tell myself this everyday.
I am a recovering alcoholic and in my earlier days I knew deep down something was wrong but I didn't want to stop because it was the only way I knew to cope and to live. I had to get pregnant to straighten out and 3 months after I had my baby I had a slip and then a few more..but now I accept my disease. I am doing very well and am grateful for each morning and to feel so good.
My partner is still drinking (he goes out to bars) and he says he is fine. Sometimes sadly people need something to happen to see that they do have a problem..a DWI, a divorce, a fall..it's sad.
I think Al-anon will help you and give you some direction. I wish you happiness this new year. You can only control what YOU do..I tell myself this everyday.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Washington, D.C.
Posts: 2
Hi Lost Sue
I'm new here, my partner is an A, after years of drinking the last year with 2 arrests, numerous black-outs, trashing our home, losing his job last month and last night in the ER from a black-out & concussion he admits that he has a drinking problem, he's still coming to terms with saying the word: Alcoholic. He admits now that he denied all those years he had a problem....it was ok because nothing happened really....partly due to me taking care of things.
It takes the pertson truly coming to terms with their disease before they can, or will admit they do have a problem.
Even with all of these red flags that my partners drinking has lead to he is just now beginning to talk in terms that he knows he needs to do something to change his course. What's so hard is that I can't do anything about that...it has to be him [and that scares the heck out of me.....can you tell I enable-----I denied that for so long...I said I did it because I cared about him and wanted him to benefit from it] He's going to a Alcoholic Counsellor tomorrow to hopefully find a connection that will offer him a outlet to talk about all of this and find out why he drinks [me, I'm still scared to death, like waiting for the next thing to happen] Why couldn't he see that these things were happening with a common denominator of alcohol always present. I'm scared that he may still not be taking this all as serious as it is, but I care to much for him to leave.
One last thing, there is so much valuable info here in these threads, I'm so glad I found this site. Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences.
It takes the pertson truly coming to terms with their disease before they can, or will admit they do have a problem.
Even with all of these red flags that my partners drinking has lead to he is just now beginning to talk in terms that he knows he needs to do something to change his course. What's so hard is that I can't do anything about that...it has to be him [and that scares the heck out of me.....can you tell I enable-----I denied that for so long...I said I did it because I cared about him and wanted him to benefit from it] He's going to a Alcoholic Counsellor tomorrow to hopefully find a connection that will offer him a outlet to talk about all of this and find out why he drinks [me, I'm still scared to death, like waiting for the next thing to happen] Why couldn't he see that these things were happening with a common denominator of alcohol always present. I'm scared that he may still not be taking this all as serious as it is, but I care to much for him to leave.
One last thing, there is so much valuable info here in these threads, I'm so glad I found this site. Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I think it is very sad when we decide to leave,
first, because of the void and grief of separating from a person you cared about A LOT
second, because many times the AH is still in denial and you know that you, leaving, were not the bottom... feeling like "no one" in their lives or someone that had no positive impact whatsoever, in fact that you enabled him for a while.. so you are not sure of the role you played
third, because you know they will have to live worse things to wake up. you know they are NOT going to be alright, even when they insist they have moved on and they are with another person and "everything is happiness" when they are drinking the same amount or worse now that no one is complaining. so even if everybody says "oh how well he is doing" it is just a life in deceit, i mean with the magical potion what can possibly go wrong that cannot be drowned?
fourth because the AH does not realize it, as you say, its not because they like to lie, many times they just do not perceive reality.. (if they did indeed could handle realities, they may not be AH in the first place) and that is where insanity settles, we carry the double weight of memories and bad times, they keep denying their problem .. and we cannot reconcile both "versions" of how things are like anymore, just as we have done with other people we have said goodbye to.
there is just no more common ground, and it hurts a lot, because at some point there was.
its the same body, the same eyes infront of you, but the person you knew is gone, without any decent acknowledgements of the good times lived, a goodbye. gone for a day, a month, a year.. or perhaps gone forever. damn if that is not letting go of all control then i do not know what will be. mourning a loss like that has brought me down to my knees and the only thing I can do is surrender to God and place the AH in His Hands... my little mind and heart will never understand anything. and no I dont think I will stop loving him, it would be great to have an ON/OFF switch just to decide it (as it seems he had). BUT one thing is to demean yourself in the name of "love" and another one to love all what you want, but from a safe distance...
sorry I got all sentimental, these "festivities" were just really hard on me.
first, because of the void and grief of separating from a person you cared about A LOT
second, because many times the AH is still in denial and you know that you, leaving, were not the bottom... feeling like "no one" in their lives or someone that had no positive impact whatsoever, in fact that you enabled him for a while.. so you are not sure of the role you played
third, because you know they will have to live worse things to wake up. you know they are NOT going to be alright, even when they insist they have moved on and they are with another person and "everything is happiness" when they are drinking the same amount or worse now that no one is complaining. so even if everybody says "oh how well he is doing" it is just a life in deceit, i mean with the magical potion what can possibly go wrong that cannot be drowned?
fourth because the AH does not realize it, as you say, its not because they like to lie, many times they just do not perceive reality.. (if they did indeed could handle realities, they may not be AH in the first place) and that is where insanity settles, we carry the double weight of memories and bad times, they keep denying their problem .. and we cannot reconcile both "versions" of how things are like anymore, just as we have done with other people we have said goodbye to.
there is just no more common ground, and it hurts a lot, because at some point there was.
its the same body, the same eyes infront of you, but the person you knew is gone, without any decent acknowledgements of the good times lived, a goodbye. gone for a day, a month, a year.. or perhaps gone forever. damn if that is not letting go of all control then i do not know what will be. mourning a loss like that has brought me down to my knees and the only thing I can do is surrender to God and place the AH in His Hands... my little mind and heart will never understand anything. and no I dont think I will stop loving him, it would be great to have an ON/OFF switch just to decide it (as it seems he had). BUT one thing is to demean yourself in the name of "love" and another one to love all what you want, but from a safe distance...
sorry I got all sentimental, these "festivities" were just really hard on me.
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 01-01-2009 at 09:57 PM.
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