MayaandMe

Hi,
I am curious about whether or not I should maintain contact with my xabf's family. A little background, I am from the US, but I live abroad. I have no family here, and spent quite a bit of time with his family when we were together. He and I have a 1 year old daughter together. I recently asked him to move out, and he moved back in with his family. He has been drinking a lot lately and last night showed up at my house, drunk, angry and threatening me. When he is sober, he is a pretty good Dad, she really loves to spend time with him. Lately he has barely been sober 3 days in a row.

We have a legal agreement that he is supposed to take care of our daughter for three hours each Sunday, but he is so hungover that he hasn't gotten up yet. I am not taking my daughter there to see that.
My questions are more concerned with the relationship that I and she can have with her paternal grandparents. Should I invite them over to spend time with her, but make it clear that I am not inviting him?
Should I abide by the scheduled visits in Sundays?
Should I write them off altogether?

Thanks for your suggestions and advice!

FormerDoormat

If you have a good relationship with his parents and they are good role models (meaning they aren't active addicts themselves), I don't see why not. Why not give it a try and see how it goes?

veryrestless722

I still maintain contact with my inlaws. I told my mother in law from the begining of my pregnancy (he left when i was two months pregnant) that she would always be his grandmother and as long as she respected my boundaries then i would keep her in my sons life. But i made sure to set my boundaries. She is not to give him my phone number or address, or i cut contact. We have a very good relationship because i realize no matter what that he is her son and she realizes i dont want any part of him in my life. So far we get along great, shes bought me alot of baby stuff and sent money to help out. When i went to alabama last week i went by her house and let her see the baby. Ive told her not to tell me anything she hears about my stbxah unless he goes for custody or visitation. Its a fine line to walk but it can work. It all depends on how they act or react. If they think he is little mister innocent i wouldnt see it working. Ive told my MIL every little thing hes done to me no matter how embarassing, ive kept her informed of anything he did or i found out up until i changed my number. She has no illusions about her son, but it also helps that she was married to his father who was an alcoholic and divorced him so she kinda knows where i stand.

course my stbxah still lives in florida which is where i live and his family lives in alabama, so i dont have to worry about running into him when i visit them, but its already known if he ever lives with them again that they will have to meet me somewhere else to see me and the baby

all i can tell you is to sit down and have a talk with them and set those boundaries and as long as they stick with them then stay in contact but if they cross them, then cut them off

kermit

I agree, my children only have Uncle "S",their Grandparents have passed on, and I enjoy that they have Uncle. He often comes for holidays, birthdays or when ever he can afford it. It's nice.