Bohn05

Hi I am Sheila and I am new to this group. I had the most terrible weekend. My fiancee went on Friday to detox at his old girlfriends as she is also a recovering alcoholic and he did not want to go to a hospital or rehab again. He just got out of a month long rehab in the end of September and started drinking almost immediately. He said I could call but they must have taken his phone away and no one is letting me know if he is alive or dead or what is going on. I have been very upset all weekend--I am not sleeping, eating, crying all the time. I really need to try to break away from this relationship as it is destroying my life. I used to enjoy life but this is all consuming. You would think someone would have the courtesy to let me know who my fiancee is doing wouldn't you?

Well thanks for listening--better days are ahead right?

Sheila

GiveLove

Bohn,

So sorry you're going through this, but glad you're here with us.

If he's detoxing at an ex-girlfriend's house, I wouldn't expect them to exactly have your needs at the top of their list. Not wanting to detox in a monitored and safe environment raises many red flags for me.

You can't control what he's doing, sorry to say, and you can't control his poor choices. All you can do is decide whether this is the kind of life you want to have for yourself. It's a tough decision, but one that many of us have had to make as the progressive stages of alcoholism make life more and more psycho.

Consider finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area. There are folks there who have gone through similar experiences and you may find a great deal of support there. Individual counseling helped me too, helped a ton in fact, so I could figure out what I really wanted for myself. Better days are indeed ahead if you're willing to focus on YOU and not on things that you can't control.

Hugs to you,
GL

Bohn05

He apparently stole his phone away to call me--as him and his old girlfriend are wrestling with the phone she is telling him not to talk to me as "I bring too much drama into his life" pretty funny since he is the alcoholic and so is she. Made me feel even worse.

Not sure why people are so cruel!! No wonder they drink. I guess everyone get their just reward in the end at least that is what my best friend tells me.

LaTeeDa

I'm quoting what GL said because I think it's a very important point. It also helps me to remember they're not doing it TO me, they're just doing it.

Time to put your own needs at the top of your list. Time to do what is best for your own life. If having contact makes you feel worse, maybe not having contact is a better choice.........

L

cassandra2

No one can make anyone do anything the dont want to do. You arent the cause of his drinking. Dont EVER let anyone tell you that and certainly dont believe it.

Barbara52

Sounds like a great idea!

Take back your life and start enjoying it again.

Or stay in the relationship and accept that this is what you will have going forward.