waiting4what

Hi. I went to an al-anon meeting this morning. Unfortunately I came away more confused about what to do. I have lurked on this forum a few times and thought I had an idea about what to expect but I guess I was mistaken. I thought I would get help, suggestions, information. So I am going to assume it was maybe because of the holidays but can anyone here tell me what to expect if I try going to another Beginners meeting? What is supposed to happen on that first visit?

sailorjohn

WELCOME!!!

Typically, you tell your story, uninterrupted. Everyone else tells their story also, uninterrupted, and you try to relate to the experience, strength, and hope as offered by others. After the meeting, possibly at the start, you get some kind of beginners pack, with literature and suggested readings. The meeting will open up with readings, quite similar to other 12 step support groups. You will be encouraged to participate, though you are never asked to do more than share and offer your first name. Most every Al-anon meeting I've attended had hard rules about offering advice and interrupting during the sharing, the interrupting thing is especially important, IMO, something I was never able to do growing up in an alcoholic household, talk without being interrupted!

waiting4what

Thankyou sailor. No, this was not exactly like that. As a matter of fact, I was the only one there that was new. The others had been involved for several months if not years. But for one woman who was trying it again after having been away for apparently several years. I took an opportunity to let them know that I knew nothing and asked about disengaging and a couple of other terms I have read on various sites and they said I just had to go to meetings and get some books. I kind of felt like I was at a tupperware party where I was going to be obligated to buy stuff. I went really because I need advice help...I don't know.

RobinsFly

Waiting4what, I had this same experience.

I asked about disengagement and the women looked at me and passed around some pamphlets. It was like I was not supposed to ask a question. Just share my story and then remain quiet.

It didn't feel supportive, at all. Very scripted.

Folks tell me to try another group, but now I'm weary. I thrive on active engagement (not interrupting) and peer support.

My next step is meeting with a counselor who has experience with addictions.

Best of luck to you

In a Tailspin

I also went to my first meeting expecting something "more" of "different" than what I got. I went there broken and hurting. In my mind, I felt like all these people had been where I was and must have some sort of answers, as they all obviously survived it - - right? I left angry because nobody would tell me what to do. It took me 4 other meetings (spaced out over more than a year) before I became a regular alanon-er.

I have discovered this: advice is a tricky thing. I have all sorts of peole in my life that have given me advice about my situation with my abf. If they give me advice and I don't follow it, I fear they will be angry with me. If they give me advice and I DO followit but don't like the outcome, I would hate to let that be a reason for me to blame them for what happens in my life, and potentially ruin a friendship.

Alanon is not there to give you advice.....hard as that may be to accept at first. Yet I find that every time I share, I learn from myself just by hearing it said out loud. I also learn from others as they share, and others learn from my sharing. These are the only people in my life that have been where I am.....that have the same disease I have. And as I hear what did and did not work for them, it makes me better equipped to try different ways of dealing with my life situation.

They say to try 6 meeting before you decide if alanon is or isn't for you. I thought that was ridiculous......but the 3rd different group I tried felt a little "homier" to me than the others........and that group is now my home group. I know it's tempting to give up, but please give it a chance. If you think this site is helpful........face to face help is always so much more so......