babycakes123

Hello. i am a newbie here and just wanted to share some thoughts...


How many out there are breathing a sigh of relief that xmas is over but already starting to stress about new year??

I have lived with my abf for 18 months now and against hard advice, after splitting up with him over his drinking 3 months ago, chose to start a new life in france with him 6 weeks ago. As the song goes "cant help loving that man of mine... "
Please dont get me wrong, i am not trying to play the victim here. But i want things to work and welcome any advice on how to cope with living with an alcoholic partner. I am doing this for me. and not for him. Its his adiction. He has to fix it himself.

Anyhow, the new life in a new country has been tough enough but then we have xmas to contend with.

The season of the year when problems with drink are magnified and intensified.

I am not here to have a rant over my abf. I just need some me therapy!

FormerDoormat

I couldn't cope while living with an addicted partner, so I ended the relationship. My life is quiet, predictable, peaceful, and happy now. I'm looking forward to all that the new year brings my way.

Living a life of chaos is a choice just as much as living a life of peace is a choice. Have you attended Alanon? It's a wonderful program that has helped many.

sailorjohn

WELCOME!!!

Not sure I can give you any advice beyond therapy and 12 step support groups like Al-Anon. Once read advice on how to deal with that kind of relationship problem, if you think you can be happy a year from now living the way you are today, then stick around. If not, then leave.

AllCheese

Hi, Babycakes123 - WELCOME!!!

I'm a newbie, too, having joined on Christmas Day. I hope you find what you need here.

I lived in an alcoholic relationship w/an xabf, which I ended in October. I don't know that I really have any advice for you, but I have been there, and it sucked. I'm actually trying to forget how I wasted 9 years of my life and figure out how to move forward stronger & healthier. I've gotten much inspiration from the forums here.

One of my New Years resolutions is to begin attending Al-Anon.

Yes, I too am glad Christmas is over but am looking forward to turning over SEVERAL new leaves at New Years.

May you find peace and the strength within yourself to do what it is that needs to be done, whatever that may be, in the coming year.

babycakes123

thanks sailor john. wonderful advice - if you think you can be happy a year from now living the way you are today, then stick around. If not, then leave

and thanks Kalizmidan also.

I love my partner very much and am not ready to quit just yet. There is still light at the end of the tunnel and he is starting to address his issues as i am mine ( i am a self confessed control freak) and my new years resolution is to try to step back from situations from which i have no control. My partner included!

Ok, so we will go to a new years eve party. Ok he will get wasted and probably embarass himself. But so what. Its his adiction. Not mine. Time to let my hair down i think and enjoy myself. What will be will be.

love and peace to all xxx

lovtolaff

Ya know, I viewed myself as being a "control freak" too. However, since kicking out xabf I have found that I'm not really like that. With him, I was always anxious or worried and so I would try to avert the situation to avoid humiliation, anger, arguments, whatever. I don't have to do that now.

I tried the ol' "well if you can't beat em' join em" routine too". I couldn't take it - it's not my lifestyle. And it would only make things worse sometime.

I realize how you feel when you say there is light at the end of the tunnel - I came to this board with so much HOPE left that he would change - hope that I could "show" him a better life. Didn't work. He too would at times seem to "address his issues" but only long enough to placate me or long enough before the bottle called him back.

It's a hell of a life to live with an alcoholic - and I am still growing and learning from it 6 months out.

MayaandMe

Your post makes me think back on all the hope I had when I returned to once again live with my xabf. I left ( to another country) when our daughter was 6 weeks old and returned when she was 8 months old. She is now 1 yr 7 months old and we are broken up. He is drinking more than ever, his alcoholism is progressing rapidly and taking over what used to be his "good" qualities.
From where I am standing, I hope that I am never in a relationship with another alcoholic. It is hard for me to understand someone knowingly making that choice, even though I myself have also knowingly made that choice. When I was deep in my codependence, I think I viewed everything with my own version of "beer goggles" that made everything look more reasonable than it really was.