kuljey

My boyfriend of a year and a 1/2 went to his 6mo rehab. He says its pretty hard! Teaching him to get up everyday, work, go to classes, na, aa meetings, working out. He took marijuana with him and flushed it when he realized he wanted to follow the program to the T. When he left i was at my wits end. I knew once i got "rid" of him i could learn to detach and heal myself. PPL ask me what are you goin to do in 6mos, are you goin to wait? I would say i DO NOT KNOW. i cannot even tell what tommorow brings. So, on Christmas day i heard from him. He told me how much he missed me and being off drugs is making him feel so much stronger. He was proud of himself that he flushed his stash. He asked me how i am getting along w/o him, and i was honest--that i am just trying to forget about him for now. He said oh no, dont do that cuz i am not forgetting about you. I think of you every morning when i am jogging and i look at your pictures next to my bed everyday. Now i am so darn confused... I am in therapy, see a psychiatrist (medicine,) belong to a codependent support group and am joining my local al-anon group--all to make myself better---thinking w/o him. Now if hes doing good, etc maybe i should not move on or just "forget." Well, this 6mo treatment is so awesome for him & i am so happy for him. Its his 2nd time around. The 1st was for meth addiction for 2 months. He said this treatment program is harder. I do love him very much and do not want to desert him....however what i went thru was so awful and my kids were affected as well...i cant have that again. Anyway, any thoughts are appreciated!

Yvonne

GiveLove

Hi Yvonne,

You're much more than just a recovering user's girlfriend. You're a whole woman, with dreams and goals and aspirations for herself, and you need to take as much time as you need to figure out what you want. The things you mention (al-anon, codependency education, etc.) will help to sort through and clarify the feelings you're carrying. Freedom from the stress of being around active addiction will also help to clear up the fog. You're on a path to finding out what you want -- because you have a whole life to live, with or without this man, or any other, on your arm.

"I don't know" is a perfectly good response to someone pressuring you to stay in the status quo, keep things exactly as they are. Because you DON'T know. You're learning day by day what your heart's desire truly is.

Take care of yourself and get strong and clear, and THEN decide what you want to do. It can be a wonderful journey, this figuring out what you want to be. Sending you hugs!!

GL

Seren

Speaking from vast quantities of personal experience......if you are going to be happier planning your own vibrant future without this man, please, please do not let him make you feel guilty by telling you how much he misses you, how he thinks about you all the time, and how he keeps looking at your picture by his bedside. While all of these things may or MAY NOT be true, you MUST think of yourself only for now. If he, indeed, does love you, he will understand and do whatever is best for you, NOT best for him.

Hugs and well wishes to you! Please take good care!!
HG

Barbara52

I think taking this time and using it to figure out what you want for your life going forward sounds like a wonderful opportunity. There is no way of knowing what either of you will want 6 mos from now. But I do know you can enjoy yourself and your journey of self discovery.

Spiritual Seeker

Do what is best for your kids.
Practice detachment.
Once he gets out of rehab, his recovery needs to be his priority anyway without you providing a cushion. They recommend no relationships for a yr. into recovery.

He will have a lot of maturity to catch up to for all the yrs. he was using.

Focus on yourself and your family. Get as enlightened and healthy as possible to be a good mother and person. When your are ready you will attract the same.

That you are willing to grow...is tremendous.