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Escalated to out of control

Old 12-26-2008, 06:57 AM
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Escalated to out of control

I had no contact with the XAB…but contact was made…this crazy out of his mind dangerous man came to my house when I was at the store with my mom on Christmas eve. He walked into my living room with my 16 and 12 yr old sons sitting there, covered from head to toe with mud. He locked the door behind him and told them that he was being chased by the police. My son D asked him what he was carrying, this being a hatchet and an eight inch butcher knife. D, calmly, asked him to give it to him…and he did. The X then crouched down in the corner and started to cry. The police knocked at the door, D answered and told them that the X was in the house and was crazy…the X now made it into the basement bedroom and was hiding under the covers. The police SENT my son back into the house to “talk” to the x…convince him to come out, which he did after several minutes talking to the police on the side of the house. The police did not call me, did not arrest the x, but dropped him off at the hospital that released him an hour later…now for the second time!
When looking at my house, you can see 4 windows that he tried to get into and a ladder that was put up to the second story window. The police, who I have been in MAJOR contact with think that he is really more of a threat to himself than me or my children! I do not agree…he beat me up three weeks ago, he has slit his wrists four days ago, now he came to my home with ONLY my children there with a butcher knife.
Today I have to get a temp PFA, take the day off of work on Monday to file for a permanent one, and PRAY that something happens to this man before it happens to me or my children…
I live in a small town, if I hear one more time that “Bri is a nice guy until he starts drinking” I might snap! HE IS DRINKING, HE IS TAKING DRUGS, HE IS DEPRESSED AND HE IS DANGEROUSE!” He is on POROLE for beating the hell out of his X girlfriend while under the influence of drugs and alcohol! What is going to take to have someone help me?
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Old 12-26-2008, 07:10 AM
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I am so sorry this is happening, and I am so glad your sons are okay. I could launch into a diatribe on the failings of the local police department here, so I feel your sense of frustration.

I will definitely be keeping you and your sons in my prayers! :ghug :ghug
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Old 12-26-2008, 07:14 AM
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Wow. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Maybe a counselor could be off assistance with ideas to protect yourself / safety and additional community resources. I hope you and your sons stay safe.
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Old 12-26-2008, 08:04 AM
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Do all you can to make the biggest fuss possible after your PFA is in place, my friend. This is a dangerous person, period. If he tries to come into your house after you have that document, he is trespassing, he is violating the PFA, and he is menacing (he had a HATCHET, for chrissake) If the officers won't arrest him, escalate to the next level in the police department, take photos and threaten to contact your local paper and let them know what the police are NOT doing, and make it clear that you'll make the biggest stink they've ever seen. Get a can of pepper spray and learn how to use it. Lock up your ladders.

Escalate and make noise. Your life and your kids' lives may depend on it.

Please keep checking back with us so we know you're safe!
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Old 12-26-2008, 08:14 AM
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OMG!!! My prayers are with you guys!!! I agree with Givelove!! Keep on top of this....
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Old 12-26-2008, 10:39 AM
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i was horrified reading your post. and super horrified that the police sent your son back into the home to talk to him.

i had many protection orders that my xah walk right through. when they are that sick, a piece of paper means nothing to some of them.

for now, i would not leave my boys alone at home, no matter what kind of noise they make. please make a safety plan and have everything in place.

oh for Lords sake, keep safe and keep posting daily to let us know you are ok......this man sounds very sick and very dangerous.
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Old 12-26-2008, 10:47 AM
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I agree whole-heartedly with everyone else. Stay safe and keep us posted. Is there anywhere else you and your boys could stay for the weekend that he would not go looking? You are in my prayers.
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Old 12-26-2008, 10:53 AM
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beoynd, this man was just your boyfriend, not your husband. he trespassed. can you call the police and file a complaint?

this sounds much more than just "out of control".

i am very concerned for you.
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Old 12-26-2008, 01:13 PM
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I am in direct contact with the police, have seen the maj and got the PFA…he has not tried to contact me yet. That does not mean that he won’t. I am trying to make arrangements for my boys for next week…I will be working, my mom will be heading back home from her visit and they will be alone during the day. That is my concern.
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Old 12-26-2008, 02:03 PM
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Do they have friends they can stay with while you're at work? I certainly hope so. I understand your frustration in dealing with the police.

I've had numerous interactions with the county sheriff's department here and AH is still out on the streets driving drunk. The last time he hit a judge's car, flunked the field sobriety test, and got tossed in jail for 24 hours.

The sheriff's department did not follow through and press charges. That pretty much sums up how "well" our law enforcement officials operate here. And it's a shame, and it's a joke, and don't get me started on that rant!

I'm sending prayers your way that you find a safe haven for your children. Take care of yourself too. I hope you don't have to deal with this sick man again.
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Old 12-30-2008, 07:07 AM
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Just an update on my situation. I have been sitting tight. The whole drama pretty much put a huge damper on my visit with my mother. Thank God someone out there told me to tell her about the situation with the xbf. She left on Sunday. I was off yesterday, cleaned the house, and did some serious thinking. I saw him, in passing. He is beat up, looks very worn down. I wanted to hurt him. This is not like me.
I am really confused as to what else needs to be done. I need to extend the PFA in ten days, I am worried that this will just infuriate him. I am hopeful that I will be off of his radar before that. He moves quick. From what I have heard, talking to people about him, this kind of behavior is normal for him.
I am beating myself up over this. That I allowed someone into my life who has a record and a problem. That I took him for his word, despite the FACT that I had a gut feeling about him. That I KNEW that it would not turn out good in the end. That I PLAYED a part, by myself drinking…going out…
Time to reflect and regroup.
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Old 12-30-2008, 07:19 AM
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BSC,
Have you considered a get-together with a counselor of some sort to help you sift through this. I mean, consider these statements:
Originally Posted by BeyondBSC View Post
I wanted to hurt him.
I am beating myself up over this.
and then these
Originally Posted by BeyondBSC View Post
He is beat up, looks very worn down.
I need to extend the PFA in ten days, I am worried that this will just infuriate him.
He moves quick.
This person is either the Enemy (who could hurt your family) or he is someone you have sympathy for and whose feelings you take into account. I can't tell from your post which he is.

For me -- and this is just me -- he would be the Enemy big time. I would have to stop beating myself up long enough to get him the hell out of my airspace with whatever tools are at my disposal, and I too would entertain those thoughts of wishing he would just vanish in a puff of smoke, with my help if necessary.

For example, what do you care how he feels about extending the PFA? YOU know it needs to be done; he's a nut job. Why is what you do for YOU any of his business? I can't tell from your post if you hate him, miss him, care for him.......your feelings come out (to an impartial observer) all mixed up. A counselor can help you put them all in columns and develop a plan of action. Berating yourself is fine if you're trying to make sure you don't do this to yourself again, but it's a poor substitute for a counselor's help, which might be better, more useful, and more permanent.

Wishing you a new year of peace and freedom from this kind of ugliness.
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Old 12-30-2008, 07:20 AM
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Please don't beat yourself up. You cannot change the past. You can, and are, doing what is necessary now and in the future.
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Old 12-30-2008, 08:05 AM
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It is defiantly time to “talk” with someone. I should have done this awhile ago, after divorcing my AH three years ago. I thought that I could do it on my own, but considering this situation, I see that my judgment, guilt, feelings, etc are not right. I am going to contact my EAP now to find someone. You know, I think that I need to be placed on an emotional budget in 2009!
As far as XBF, he is the enemy. I do not really care what happens to this man, I am talking myself into caring for him. I am risking my children…their safety and my custody of them because I made a huge mistake.
Thank you for your straightforward honesty. I have heard your words from my friends and Mom. But it makes it clearer to hear it from impartial observers!
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