sunshyne

I took Monday and Tuesday off work to get my head together and get something to calm me down before I went nuts. After a very helpful doctor visit I have finally been able to get a full nights sleep. I had to do something because my work was suffering as well as my mental health.

My A called me at least Tuesday 8 times...all with nothing to say but the same ole sh*t. He has decided he can go clean without rehab. I hope he can do it but I know with his history of 30 years of abuse and I can't go that road with him. He not only does this to himself but the emotional abuse and so forth that I go through...I can't take it anymore. This is killing me because I do love him and spite noone wanting us together from the beginning we have lasted 6 years and I hate to give up now.

He called yesterday and today and said I better make up my mind to get back together and he'd try AA or he was moving on. I told him I wasn't going that route yesterday and again today. I told him we've tried at least 6 times over the last 6 years - detox and trying recovery (never a 30 day program), AA, etc. I am afraid of that day he may never call again but I guess that's just a chance I have to take.

Please guys...I need more words of wisdom. I feel such a hurting inside for him and myself. I just don't feel like I can live with this man until I know he is fully recovered but this may mean I can't live with him anymore which to me is devastating.

bandibabe

Don't let him minipulate you!!& by the statement above that's exactly what he's trying to do.

I know you feel like your throwing 6yrs away, I'm going through the same stuff myself. But I have to believe there is better out there someone who will respect the love I have to give!

sunshyne

Thanks Bandi...

Manipulation...I've heard that alot lately. I guess that's probably what he's done to me all along. As long as I can recognize that now, maybe I can keep my boundaries straight.

I often think what if I stay 20 years...same old story. I guess it better to walk away sooner than later if that's what it comes to.

JT

Sunshyne,

He is not going to quit until he suffers the consequences of his actions...that is the long and short of it.

If you return at this point you are quilty of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. That is the definition of insanity according to Alanon and it makes sense to me.

He will probably continue for a long time trying to push your buttons...manipulate...whatever you want to call it. You have made a decision that I am sure was heartbreaking to make. If you don't stand behind it at this point you risk returning to the same situation and having to make the same decision all over again.

When I first kicked my son out that was what I hung on to...I did not want to have to make that choice again. It was too hard the first time.

Good luck,
JT

prettywoman

HELLO SWEETIE(HUG)

Well some words of wisdom hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ok here you go.

In everything I have been through I found it to be true, that when you change , meaning , when you start taking care of yourself and take the attention completely of your A, wonderous things happen.

I am so in love with my ex and we still talk of and on. I want nothing more than be back with him and everything is ok. I think we all want that with our men.

I am going to continue taking care of me and my son. I am going to continue doing as I have been.

The change in me is making a change in him. You be shocked how well this works.

I feel serenity by not being focused on him because I am to busy being focused on me and my life and what is going on it .

So the best wisdom there is.........................take care of you sweetie! I know how hard that is trust me, especially still being in love.