Laden101

Well, here I go again. I have posted in the past about my abf. He partially moved out two weeks ago and is staying at his moms. He has come over a couple of times within the last two weeks, and the last time was Friday. He helped shovel the 3 feet of snow in the driveway and stayed the night. Things were a bit awkward...he wasn't being affectionate at all, every time I sat near him, he got up and moved, we didn't even kiss (let alone sex), and he just felt distant. I confronted him and asked what was wrong. He said he was tired and exhausted from shoveling snow for the past 48 hrs and didn't feel like being affectionate. I got upset and told him that all I wanted was a kiss or a hug every once in a while to let me know he loved me. I am an affectionate type of person. Well, I thought that we had gotten through that, but the drama continues.
He left Saturday evening and we talked on the phone before he went to bed and then we talked in the afternoon on Sunday. He said he would call me back the last time we talked and well I was up until 3 am worrying about him cause he didn't call. He finally calls at 5:45 am Monday morning on his way to work. He was in a bad mood, so we didn't talk much. We talked Monday evening and night, but the calls were quick. I was ok with that because I thought that he was just tired and needed to get some sleep.

Well, Tuesday morning comes along and I am still stranded at home due to the additional snow we got Sunday-Monday. I don't have a penny on me, so I can't pay anyone to plow me out. I donate plasma twice a week for money and haven't been able to do that and the bills are piling up. (I have been out of work for the past 6 weeks and I have no way to pay rent for January...another story) So with all this stress, I have been extremely depressed and hysterical at times. My abf hasn't offered to come over and help me out of the snow and to make things worse, I didn't hear from him all day until 8 pm. He knows that I am stranded and depressed and he doesn't call to check on me or to see if I am ok, which really upset me. He called right when my dad got here, so I had to call him back. I called him back and he didn't answer at first, but he called me back and to find out he was up at his buddies place since he got off work at 5 or 6. He proceeded to tell me he was going to go home and crash. I asked him if that meant he didn't want to talk and he said that he needed to go and cut me off without saying "I love you" which he always does. So I call him right back and ask him why he didn't say I love you and he said there were people around, which has never been a problem before. Well that left me thinking that there must have been a female in the room and he didn't want her to hear it or maybe I am just making that up, I don't know. So he once again cut me short and hasn't called me and it's 10 pm. I know that he is at home and passed out by now.
This has left me feeling that I do not matter to him and that he doesn't love me, that his work is more important to him, that he can't take 2 minutes out of his day to call and see how I am doing, I am not worth the time, HIS time. I am almost at the end of my rope with him. I love him so much, but I am getting hurt more and more each day. I mean it's almost Christmas and I know that we won't be spending the day or part of the day together, but will he even call and wish me a Merry Christmas?? I know I sound pathetic and that I should just let him go and forget about him, but it is easier said then done. I want our relationship to work out, but then again I don't want to keep getting hurt. I am at across road and I have no idea what to do. I know what most of you will say which is let go and get over him, but I don't know if I can. Will I ever know when the right time for me to let go or stay?? Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this post is so long.

embraced2000

i'm so sorry you are feeling this way. from what you write, and i'm going to be brutally honest here, it sounds as if he is may be done with the relationship. i learned that i could not depend on my xah for nothing. and i mean nothing but bad things.

for tonight, you do not have to do anything. try to do something nice for yourself and your children. can you make it fun for your children tht you are snowed in?

oh, lord, i know that advice sounds pathetic. i am so embroiled in the evil doings of my xah that i shouldn't even be responding to posts.

but please know that i understand how you are feeling.....been there.

many hugs to you and prayers going up for you and your children
jeri

Barbara52

So what can YOU do to improve your situation. It sounds like you are trying to depend on someone who is not dependable. What are your alternatives?