inahaze

I got "the apology" tonight.

Said he was sorry for his rant and that I didn't deserve it. Yes there were somethings that are bothering him, but his tyranic outburst was more due to stress from work and the possibility of being jobless due to the economy. He just lost it and snapped, that's why he started hitting the walls & fridge, yelling and carrying on like a lunatic(lunatic is my description of his behavior, not his).

I would of loved to of believed him with every ounce of my being. It would of made my day to know that he meant it and that things would never come to that again. I believe Dr. Phil said the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, DEFINATELY the truth in my situation.

I know the apology would come, just as much as I knew that his last outburst would show up again. Heck it is Christmas after all!

I can't believe I've let myself and my children live this life for so many years.

My daughter today on the way home from Christmas talked to me, she sounded too old for her 10 years. I was told that Dad has a temper, Dad doesn't like being talked back too, Dad doesn't know how to deal with her or brother's crying and that could we please move into our trailer? It broke my heart to hear her say it. The honesty in a child's voice can move you more than anything, it did tonight.

So, after Christmas I'm going to start the process of having my renters move from my trailer so I can move into it. It may take a couple of months, but I'll use it as an opportunity to save some cash for my move.

To see things from a child's viewpoint is honesty and eye opening and saddening all at the same time.

prodigal

I realize many people are stressed to the max due to the economic downturn - losing their homes because they can't make the mortgage, losing their jobs, losing their retirements. But it's no excuse to throw a childish tantrum.

Your daughter is playing the adult to her father's "child." I lived like that with a mentally ill mother who expected me to be the adult who cared for her while my absentee father had his flings with women to avoid all responsibility. By the time I was 11, I was a miniature adult. And I had colitis. And anxiety attacks. And a profound fear of death.

Nobody deserves the crap he is dishing out. Apologies mean jack sh!t. My AH has apologized for outrageous behavior. But he's repeated it over and over and he is still drunk.

Give your daughter the greatest gift - far more than anything you give her at Christmas can offer - get her the heck outta there and away from the maniac. You are an adult; you can choose to live with as much insanity as you so choose. Your children CANNOT.

For their sakes, get them out ASAP!

embraced2000

i used to hear quacking like this, too. after awhile, all it sounded like was blah, blah, blah.

so sorry you have this in your life, but only you have the power to change it. you cannot change him, but you can change your own life.

best of everything to you
jeri

Barbara52

I feel your daughter's pain. I was that little girl, becoming a mini-adult way too young. I hope you find a way to move and save your daughter and yourself from the madness. {hugs}

TakingCharge999

Hello inahaze,
Do not fret so much about the past and what you have lived through, you need to gather all your strength now to leave and after leaving, STAYING AWAY!
i am just glad you realized this was hurting you and your daughter
Do not be fooled, even if it does not look or feel like that, this christmas will be the best one you'll have, the start of more peaceful days to come.
Hugs to you!

IO Storm

I have a rock in my chest...reading this, so many memories come flooding back.

Be safe, take care, sending you and yours all my thoughts and prayers.

You are so much stronger than I...way back then.

stillsearching

that's the behavior that FINALLY got me out of this marriage....I could not watch it any longer or let it continue to destroy me or my children...when your kids come to you and say something, it's like a well needed slap in the face to wake up and see the damage that is being done!!! Mine never said sorry though...he alwasy "justified" his behavior, no matter how bad it was. I left, I won't go back!!