LucyA

I know I shouldn't be, I just can't help it this time.

He's never been to the cemetery with Joe to see the plaque we sorted for Joes mum, he promised Joe he'd go with him before christmas.
Joe and I went into town today and bought this cute little christmas tree in a pot, it's only about 8" tall with a few baubles on and some holly, perfect for Joe's mums plot.
So Joe phoned his dad while we were still in town to ask if he'd like to go with him. He said he was out, but Joe pointed out he'd about an hour before we got home so he'd have time to get home and sorted. All ok up to now.

2 hours pass and Joe phones his dad to check if he's coming, he says he's in the pub watching the football and he'll go another time. Joe told him not to bother.

This one little thing was so important to Joe, why string him along if he'd no intention of going anyway?
I know it's pointless asking why, I'll never understand anyway.

I've always told Joe I'll never intentionally lie to him, and I never have. BUT I know that his dad is lying to him right now. He's telling Joe (and our parents) that he isnt drinking, and he's counting the days since he came out of hospital as non drinking days. I know for a fact he is drinking, and although it's been a long time since his drinking was something I watched it tears me up to know he can lie to his son like this. He's going to find out one way or another, but not from me unless he asks me a direct question and then I won't lie. He's going to be so much more hurt than he already is.

Sorry, that turned into a bigger rant than it was going to be.

Lilyflower

(((((Lucy))))), sending virtual hugs to Joe also. My heart goes out to both of you. Joe has wisdom beyond his years when it comes to his dad and this world of addiction, I would think that at some level inside he has become aware of his dad's true habits recently. It must be incredibly hard for him to verbalise it to himself and to you.

Stating that he thinks his dad is back to drinking would mean Joe would have to again face the pain of disappointment and fear for his dad. Probably a door he would rather not open. However I am sure the thoughts have gone through his mind, especially with dad admitting he is 'in the pub', watching football or not, I would think that an alcoholic in early recovery would avoid that place more than anywhere!?

Cliche it might seem right now, but the truth will out. Either by his own slip up and turning up/being found drunk by your parents or Joe, or be it in a downturn in his health once more, he will be found out. All that you can do is be there for Joe, I cannot imagine how hard this is for you to shoulder, I admire you so much.

I hope that you Joe and your kids all have a wonderful christmas just as you all deserve,

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LucyA

Oh, I'm so tired. I worked 12 hours today, got home and within five minutes got a text from my bro that just didnt make sense, so I ignored it. My dad dropped the kids off because him and mum had been looking after them while I was at work. 2 minutes after they arrived home my bro knocked at the door, he came to explain the text, which is so irrelevant I still neither know or care what it's about. Joe let him in, I wouldn't have, he was drunk. As he was coming inside the phone rang, Joes other aunt wanting to speak to him, as Joe was trying to have a conversation I was taking my coat off putting my bag down and giving him 5 minutes on the phone, next thing I hear is my brother saying very load nasty stuff about Joes aunt while he's on the phone! I asked him to come in the kitchen with me, told him he was only here because Joe let him in and he better cool it or he's out. He came back in the living room as Joe was hanging up, Joe told him he was out of order and said he was going to his room till his dad left.
I let him go because he was (understandably) upset, then asked his dad to leave, got the grief from him but just calmly said over his bleating that this is my home and all the kids expect to be safe here and I'm making sure they are and that we arent prepared to put up with him here drunk, but he's welcome to see his son here when he's sober.

We've chatted since (me and the kids, not me and my bro) and I think they're all ok. I phoned Joes aunt back and apologised, made it clear I wasn't apologising for my bro though.

he's not getting in again, sober or not, I don't need that and I don't need to expose the kids to it.

I half want to let my mother know what happened, but I'm not going to, not to keep it a secret, but because I don't need to. I know what happened, the kids all know, so does Joes aunt. My bro will tell her a different story, it'll be interesting to see what happens now if I don't say a word. The kids will tell her and so will Joes aunt when they speak. My mum thinks I lie about him for the sake of it.

GiveLove

Ah, Lucy, so sorry this had to happen. I did perk up my eyebrows when Joe told his dad that he was out of order. What a great kid. He is DEFINITELY going to be okay, that one.

Hoping your bro stays away and lets you enjoy the holiday in peace.

LucyA

He takes after his Aunty Lucy that kid does!

Barbara52

Sounds like you and your nephew handled it all very well indeed! As ahrd as this is on him, your nephew will do fine with you there as his example and model of normalcy. {hugs}

Freedom1990

Sadly, he does what he does because he's an alcoholic.

I'm sorry. :ghug :ghug

LucyA

Thank you, sometimes I imagine his mum looking down on us saying 'why the hell did you do that' or 'Oh my, you cocked that up'

I guess I should stop thinking like that.

Barbara52

Yuppers! We all make mistakes. It's how we recover from them that matters. You seem to be doing fine.

LucyA

I know, and I'm sorry too. He's my baby brother and I love him, but I hate what he does.

LucyA

Ha ha, he told my mother I kicked him out for no reason, and apparently he was 'very upset' She asked me why I was so horrible to him, so I've given her my side of the story, and just this once I've asked Joes other aunt to give he her side too. I'm not really into reporting back to my mother about my bro, but I'm sick of being seen as the bad guy.