JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Hello All,

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all!!

The A just came in from work and I am trying real hard not to get sucked in right now. He was trying real hard to stop again and slipped once again. We all know the story............

I think when you know you are really at the end, it can get harder. It is hard to live in this in between phase. He still thinks that everything is going to be OK, even though I have tried to make it clear that the Alcohol goes or I go. He is living in a fantasy world and I am trying to get a train or plane out of fantasy world.

I am trying to take it one day at a time and use the slogans from Al-Anon. They do help. I think I can be my worst enemy. Why do I argue with him and try to get him to "Get It". It is a useless and waste so much energy and time. Although, I will give myself some credit, I did not engage as long as I use to and came upstairs to the computer.

I am depending on you wise, helpful, been down this path before, great people to help me through.

So please send your great advice.

PS On a Christmas sidetrack, what are some of your favorite Christmas songs?

Mine are:

Santa Claus is Coming to Town by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer Not sure the artist

denny57

When I was truly at THE end, it actually got easier for me. I was D.O.N.E. I agree, the in between stage is tough.

My favorite Christmas song is "O, Holy Night."

nowinsituation

Been where you are, it's not easy. It does get better. I remember being at the point where I knew I could not accept the situation any longer, when I had said everything I could possibly say, and couldn't belief my AH (of 20+ years) didn't get it and didn't even seem to want to get it.

I LOVE Christmas music; and hard to pick a favorite... but a song that really speaks to me especially during this Christmas of some major life changes is "Where Are You Christmas" sung by Faith Hill. It was in the Grinch move (remember when Cindy Lou Who sang it?).

Merry Christmas!

blessed4x

I'm sort of where you are. I'm much better at detaching than I used to be. The thing I'm having trouble with now is dealing with him NOT drinking. About 2 weeks ago he tried to "suck me in" on the phone as he was out of town on business. I said 5 words to him...."You know what to do". Then I hung up. He came home and hasn't had any alcohol OR an attitude since. I'm pretty realistic about the whole thing.......it COULD be many things. Maybe he had an epiphany, maybe he had an affair and feels guilty, maybe it's a new and improved form of manipulation. Anyway, not to ramble on about my situation, my point was I have felt better living in the moment and not feeling resentment about the past or worry about the future. That was a HUGE help to me on a thread I posted a week or so ago. Make a conscious effort to live in the moment......and if that moment includes him trying to get you riled up, then go find yourself a peaceful spot and enjoy some Christmas music. Sounds like that's exactly what you did.....good job!

BTW, my favorite is "Mary Did You Know".....not sure of the artist.

Lilyflower

You sound as though you are on the right track - I did the exact same things as you. In time, I stopped trying to get him to see the light all together and found it so much easier to let go of it all and manage my own emotions. Our worlds were melded into one, and as I began to grow and learn, the worlds split. At the end I was in one world, where I was learning how to be happy again self reflecting and gaining my self worth, and he was stuck in the other - drowning his fears and low self esteem and blaming the world for his problems. He moved out a few weeks later. I knew his energy was no good for mine and we were moving in opposite directions.

My favourite christmas song is ''The christmas song (merry Christmas)'' by Nat King Cole. Gets me teary eyed every time, next to that it is ''7 O'Clock News/Silent Night'' Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.

Merry Christmas to you!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Denny

In what ways did it get easier for you?

denny57

I was in a place of indecision for years and it hurt. It HAD to end. Before that it was back and forth; it's good, it's awful. He loves me, he loves me not. When I truly made up my mind it took me about a day to write the email (he was in Australia) and say find another place to live when you get back.

I was DONE and didn't once waiver in my decision - it felt right. The process of going through the divorce was painful because he made it difficult every step of the way, but it wasn't as difficult as the years of indecision.

Does that make sense?

Bernadette

Thanks JRgirl Merry Christmas to YOU!!

I agree w/ Denny-- the years that I knew my marriage needed to end but I felt so stuck were the worst - once the divorce ball was rolling it was painful but in a different way- because I KNEW it was over and I was doing the right thing. I couldn't GO ON like that another minute.

My favorite song is Angels we Have Heard on High - I just love the "gloria" chorus...

I hope you find some peace and serenity this Christmastime. And JRGirl know that even these little changes you have already made, just recognizing this for instance:
Why do I argue with him and try to get him to "Get It". It is a useless and waste so much energy and time.
is a BIG step! Little steps can still take you long distances....keep up the hard work on YOU!
B.


Moooooooooooooooooo (do reindeer say "moo?" I think this one would!!)

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Bernadette -

What part of Boston are you in? Are you enjoying the White Christmas we are getting (minus the shoveling)?? My girls were counting on no school tommorrow, they are bummed this storm started so early!!

Take Care and thanks for your reply, it really helps!

Bernadette

Grove Street near Mass General.
I used to love the snow days too!!! Prayed for them in fact!! Do you have good sledding hills near you?

Geez we got hammered!!! Glad to see the sun today but DAMN it is COOOOOOOOOOOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I hope you have a great holiday JRGirl! One day at a time -- including Christmas!!
B.

Rose56

Thanks All, it is helpful to hear others talk about being in between and how painful that is. Encouraging to know that once the decision comes, the pain lessens.

My truly favorite Christmas song is Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer and Away in the Manger, they take me back to childhood.