He is not in jail.......
 

I was able to check online and I see that he is not being held in jail for those 3 outstanding warrants. I believe they were resisting arrest, driving with a suspended license and leaving the scene of an accident (and all done when he was drunk which didn't even come into the equation). I guess they just required a slap on the wrist and another court date in February. I don't think he'd be stupid enough to come back here since he knows I will call the police again. But I'm still on edge because I don't know where he is. It's a difficult enough Christmas with my dad and good friend gone this year but now I have to worry about HIM surprising us again. I am going to court to file a stay away order but he can still show up. How do you cope with that hanging over your head? He has ruined every holiday and special occasion for the last 3 years. How do you move forward with the threat of HIM coming uninvited and unexpectedly? I can call the police over and over again but he just doesn't get it. Because he loves us y'know.

Doreen

So sorry that you are feeling this way. I know what you mean about the "Loves Us". My hubby uses that all the time and I am just starting to not listen to the words and watch for the action. I guess their idea or Love and ours is different.

I tell him that Love is about respecting someone, caring for them and treating them with kindness. I said, that is hardly how you act when under the influence of alcohol. I do beleive that they Love US, I also beleive that Alochol can steal that Love from US and until they put down the bottle, Dr. Jehyl and Mr Hyde will continue to come out.

I try and read, go to meetings and come here to get me through. Have you tried Al-anon yet?

Take Care and try to have a Merry Christmas.

Yes I have gone to Alanon as well as frequent these boards. And I have detached and have had no contact with him since August when I threw him out of my house for the LAST time. But he still shows up every now and then via email, phone calls (which I don't answer and just erase message on the machine w/o even listening) or at my front door. I gave him my answer a few weeks ago when he asked if there was any hope..........won't even talk to him until he shows he is in true recovery, is living his life w/o alcohol, working, and taking care of his financial and other responsibilities. And then he shows up on my front porch a few days ago. Obviously he didnt' "listen" to my words. But then again, if he shows up and I call the police that's another excuse to drink. So how do I continue to move forward if he won't let go and I feel like I am walking on eggshells just waiting for the next contact? BTW --- this is my XSO.

Doreen

I work really hard to live in the moment and not borrow trouble before it gets here.

:ghug :ghug

You don't have to worry about it, Doreen. I used to think I had to worry about things - especially the alcoholic and his behavior, too, just to cover my bases. Today I don't do that. It is a choice to worry.

Hope you have a Merry Christmas - I know the first holidays after a loss are tough. ((( )))

Freedom and Denny both offer wise words to you Doreen.

He may show up, he may not. The thing you need to decide, because it is a decision you make, is whether you are going to spend the next few days/weeks worrying and stressing about what, if, buts and maybees or are you going to concentrate on what you can do to make your days more festive, loving, happy and full? This is the true meaning of detaching.

You are not in control of him, but you are in control of your mind and therefore the life and mini world around you - you create it with your thoughts and feelings, what you project you see. So do you want to see fear and stress or do you want to see happiness and joy? Start projecting what you want, then if he does turn up, call the cops and let the feelings go, get back to your happiness. Life is too short to be pulled by fears and worries, and other such negative energies.

Peace love and blessings to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:Xmasmca

Thank you. You are all absolutely right and I take your words to heart. I guess I needed to be reminded and to hear it again. Thank you.

:Xmassa

I have one active alcoholic in my life now & several others in recovery including myself. I hear what you are saying though. My brother is trying to get off drugs & alcohol & I told him he could call me anytime he is sober without any alcohol or drugs on board. He hasn't called since July of this year.

He moved to Oregon now since I sold our family home...our Dad left it to both of us...what a mess that was...anyway he is with a friend in recovery for 10 years & close to his son who is 9 years clean & sober.

I have learned the hard way that I have to take care of myself first & monitor my stressors so I don't go on overload again.

My X-husband (2nd) did not want a divorce & called me ( I unplugged the phone when I got home from work) followed me around when I went places, came into our home when I was gone...had a restraining order but it didn't work if the cops didn't see him there) What a joke that was....I learned more from the neighbors...like his going through the garbage the night before it was picked up! He wanted to see how much I was drinking..
I still drank then but did not go out drinking unless there was a designated driver in my group of friends...or I took a cab.

I had a hard time quitting but wanted to be sober more than anything else in my life & now I have been sober 20 years....such a wonderful number....but still one drink away from the end if I were to pick up a drink.

Happy Holidays!!!!!!

kelsh

Tried very hard to stay upbeat and positive today and enjoy the holidays. I baked, wrapped and had a good day. I even had christmas carols on the radio. The only downside is my 18 year old son is in a pissy mood.......who knows why? If it's not one thing it's another...............

Happy Holidays,
Doreen:Xmasca

Wonderful Dor! I bet your house is smelling wonderful! As for teenagers, there on a different planet who knows whats going on in their mind!?

Have a wonderful christmas and a special new year!

Lots of Love
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:Xmaselfa

I know a lot of pissy 18 year old boys LOL! Glad you had a good day.