Jazzman

So I've been thinking it's been too long and I should hook up with exMIL and my ex step children during the holidays, for a lunch or a dinner meet, to get caught up. I didn't see the kids last Christmas cuz I was a chicken, still licking my wounds, but I can handle it now, it's been long enough.

Sure enough ex MIL calls me yesterday to see about meeting for lunch. We scheduled a lunch meet and for the first time in a long time I asked how M was doing. Well not good, another near death hospital stay three months ago, cirrhosis, drama, yada yada... not much has changed. Oh well, not really surprised and I didn't linger on the thoughts....went back to football.

I had to call exMIL this morning to reschedule the lunch and push it out a day.... M answers the phone.

gawd damn it...

What a curse. Never marry your best friends messed up sister who's mother gave you allergy shots when you were a kid. Am I gonna go through this every friggen holiday or should I just cut off all contact with my buddy and his mom who loves my children as if they were her own grand children and hurts that I don't want to see her..... gawd damn it.

Man did I screw up.

sunflowerintx

(((( Jazz )))) :ghug3

You didn't screw up! You called to reschedule a lunch date with exMIL.

Does exMIL have a cell or work number where you can call her in the future?

Take care....it's just a bump in the road, sweetie!

denny57

(((Jazz)))

Does xMIL have email? I wouldn't give up the best friend or anyone else, unless I really thought it was best for my emotional and mental health.

What was the screw up? Did you engage in convo with M?

Jazzman

Nah I'm just pissed at my reaction when she answered the phone, I didn't think my heart would race and then I'd get all choked up. I'm mad that even married her in the 1st place and brought all this drama on myself every Holiday season. XMIL is a sweet heart and misses my kids, I miss my s-kids... When I hang out with my friend it's like the conversation that never takes place... and we pretend it's not in the air. It's just all crap and it always rears it's head around the holidays.

LaTeeDa

FWIW I think letting go is a process. You don't just do it all at once. Just when you think you have "let go all the way," something happens to remind you that you gotta keep working on it.

((((Hugs)))) and happy holidays.

L

coyote21

Sorry man, I've had that exact reaction before. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

MsPINKAcres

lots of thoughts of comfort & peace for you Jazz - can relate to those feelings too

double edged sword - wished I'd never married but then I wouldn't have those 3 beautiful girls in my life.

may the healing steps of recovery bring you serenity & joy,
Rita