you know you are no longer involved with an alcoholic when......
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
My STBXAH was a former alcoholic, current addict. But I think this still applies.
- When you don't get the blankets pulled off you in bed every night because of the addict's tossing and turning.
- When the addict's side of the bed is no longer wet every morning, because he's not sleeping there anymore.
- When there isn't pee on the toilet floor.
- When there aren't food crumbs or drinks spilled all over the kitchen... and living room... and everywhere, every morning.
- When you can sleep for more than 3 hours at a time because your addict was yelling your name at 2am in the morning because he had fallen or was too high to stand up and go to the bathroom himself.
- When you no longer have to separate your clothes in the laundry because all of the addict's clothes smell like sweat, drugs, or dirt.
- When you no longer have to do weekly repairs on the house because your addict has destroyed something, intentionally or not.
- When you no longer search the internet for local events which feature free food because you want to get out of the house, but can't afford to eat out because your addict spends all your money.
- When you no longer need to lend someone half your weekly income so that they can buy drugs, because if you don't lend it to them, they become aggressive.
- When you no longer feel tension between your shoulder blades and the base of your neck.
- When you realize that you were complicit in his drug use by making excuses for him to other people.
- When you no longer have to call in fake sick to work or call in to say you can't make it because of a "family emergency".
- When you no longer have to hide your achievements (or stop striving altogether) because your addict's self-esteem is so low, that anything good you do is a reason for them to fall over sobbing.
- When you suddenly have time to paint your nails and accessorize.
- When you suddenly find it's not so hard to get more than one thing done in a day.
- When you actually laugh at jokes.
- When you look in the mirror and don't despise yourself anymore.
- When you don't feel like you are being erased just by being alive and in love.
- When you realize that the world is not full of good people who will prevail over strife (if you simply cheer them on) because some people do not want to be "good" or want to go to AA or Narcotics Anonymous, because they don't believe in their own goodness and you can't believe in that for them.
- When your pets no longer need anti-depressants and suddenly start acting very affectionately towards you.
- When you are no longer on anti-depressants or various other medications to manage the stress-related decline of your body.
- When you start to feel and look younger than you have felt and looked for the duration of your relationship with the addict.
- When you realize that the reason you didn't feel like sex was because you were stressed and once the addict is gone, you really do feel like having sex.
- When you realize that no matter how much you loved them, they will always blame you for the consequences of their choices and their inability to look after themselves, and their inability to look after their relationship... and there is nothing you can do about it.
- When you know deeply that you are capable of love and sacrifice; yet you did not love yourself enough until you sacrificed the relationship you had to the person you loved more than yourself.
- When you start to understand what it means to have boundaries.
- When you no longer have mysterious accidents from sleep deprivation -- like being mauled by the lawn mower because you're too sleep deprived to mow the lawn properly.
- When you are not constantly buying new clothes for the addict so that they don't look like an "addict" in public (because they destroy their clothes).
- When you are not making hair and dental and medical appointments for a grown up who should be doing those things himself.
- When you don't have the police, ambulance, and hospital on speed dial.
- When you don't have to constantly worry that the next time they use drugs, it will be the last time you see them alive.
- When you make peace with the fact that their lives (if they live or die) is out of your hands, and it's in God's hands.
- When you grieve someone who is living, wish to see them, yet fear seeing them.
- When silence is loud but your memories are deafening, but both those things are better than the complete disorientation of life with the addict.
- When your hearing improves because you don't live with someone who shouts at you.
- When you understand that people are light and dark, hot and cold, and that the kindest person can change and not come back, no matter how kind you thought they were; and that no matter what you thought, you were wrong and you are a fallible judge of character.
- When you no longer hide money. When you no longer hide jewelry or electronics. When you no longer hide the kitchen knives because the addict is in a BAD "mood" and you don't want to be stabbed.
- When you realize that people show you who they are and you have to pay attention.
- When you start to realize that life is short.
- When you start to realize that you can't live by standing still.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
I had this too. The snoring or the "dead still as a corpse". I often worried that he would choke on his own vomit. Oh yeah...
When you no longer have to clean up vomit.
When you no longer have to clean up vomit.
Originally Posted by Mr B 
I'll be honest in saying that I would quite likely have preferred the snores. When my AXGF used to get drunk and pass out she'd end up so deeply asleep that you had to really pay attention to be able to work out if she was even breathing. It really was like being in bed next to a warm corpse. 
On more than one occasion I genuinely ended up checking her pulse to make sure she was still alive.
Oh, man, it's been quite a while since I remembered that feeling of waking up in the middle of the night, terrified that she was dead in bed next to me. Not to mention those nights when I'd wake up in the middle of the night and realise she hadn't come to bed, or hadn't even come home...
These days if I wake up in the middle of the night, I just wrap myself up in my duvet again and go straight back to sleep. It works much better for me.
Mr B.
On more than one occasion I genuinely ended up checking her pulse to make sure she was still alive.Oh, man, it's been quite a while since I remembered that feeling of waking up in the middle of the night, terrified that she was dead in bed next to me. Not to mention those nights when I'd wake up in the middle of the night and realise she hadn't come to bed, or hadn't even come home...
These days if I wake up in the middle of the night, I just wrap myself up in my duvet again and go straight back to sleep. It works much better for me.
Mr B.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
When your hair is thicker - and you realize it's not falling out anymore from stress.
When your dog stops throwing up all the time and doesn't need ulcer medicine anymore.
When you don't wait to get up in the morning until you hear the front door close.
When you stop lingering late at work to avoid going home.
When you actually have peace and quiet and night- and not the loud rumble of sleep apnea from the other room.
When none of the fun things you do involve alcohol and none of your friends drink.
When you can go out with your friends anytime you want.
When you don't have to listen to quack, quack, quack.
When your dog stops throwing up all the time and doesn't need ulcer medicine anymore.
When you don't wait to get up in the morning until you hear the front door close.
When you stop lingering late at work to avoid going home.
When you actually have peace and quiet and night- and not the loud rumble of sleep apnea from the other room.
When none of the fun things you do involve alcohol and none of your friends drink.
When you can go out with your friends anytime you want.
When you don't have to listen to quack, quack, quack.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
When you don't take the long way home, because you don't want to go home.
When you can sleep in your own bed, instead of in your car in your garage.
When you no longer replay Boz Scaggs song "It's Over", over and over again.
When you can actually watch something on TV without someone else changing the TV station on you.
When you no longer journal everyday with all the things that he said about what is wrong with you. (I was up to 143)
When you stop reading self-help books trying to figure out how to fix him, and realize they were to help you, fix you.
When you can actually see a future for yourself, instead of just seeing a black hole.
When you can smile, laugh, talk, and be happy without worrying if that will cause a fight.
When you don't carry your cell phone around with you 24/7/365.
When you actually start to like yourself again, and know that you are worth it.
When you can sleep in your own bed, instead of in your car in your garage.
When you no longer replay Boz Scaggs song "It's Over", over and over again.
When you can actually watch something on TV without someone else changing the TV station on you.
When you no longer journal everyday with all the things that he said about what is wrong with you. (I was up to 143)
When you stop reading self-help books trying to figure out how to fix him, and realize they were to help you, fix you.
When you can actually see a future for yourself, instead of just seeing a black hole.
When you can smile, laugh, talk, and be happy without worrying if that will cause a fight.
When you don't carry your cell phone around with you 24/7/365.
When you actually start to like yourself again, and know that you are worth it.
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