update and how to handle this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
you are all right
yes laurie, he does smell. the other night there was a smell in the bedroom and i couldn't place it, but that is it, he does smell pretty bad most of the time now and different than it was before. this is even though he hasn't drank since tues?
anyway, yes, you are all right. i am minimalizing it. i am telling myself that he was just running his mouth, but is that really even possible? i can't imagine saying anything like that to anyone, ever. really. i mean i have heard of people being so mad that they say things like "i want to kill him or her", or " i could just die" things like that, but he said
" maybe i will commit suicide" " nah, i can't do that, i have a show new years eve" when i talked to the father figure/friend, he mentioned to me that AH had said something similiar to him, but he just hinted, as in maybe i should do something stupid, but not being specific. i couldn't really get the exact words out of him though it was like he was not wanting to tell me exactly what AH said, but he did say that he told AH "what would that prove to any of us?"
and he said, not once, but twice, to me "do you want me to hold a shotgun to your head?".... very different than the i'm so mad i want to kill her right? and to believe his "he was just kidding" thing is not even plausible right? i've tried and tried to find the joke in it. i can't, nothing at all funny about it.
usually people do not go into that detailed of a thing right?
also, how do you tell if they are in a blackout really? or just really drunk? anybody know?
no, i don't want to leave my house, or call the police, but i let the friend know that this was a definite possibility.
i also know i am kidding myself if i think that things are better because he hasn't drank sinse tuesday and he is different and calm now.
anyway, yes, you are all right. i am minimalizing it. i am telling myself that he was just running his mouth, but is that really even possible? i can't imagine saying anything like that to anyone, ever. really. i mean i have heard of people being so mad that they say things like "i want to kill him or her", or " i could just die" things like that, but he said
" maybe i will commit suicide" " nah, i can't do that, i have a show new years eve" when i talked to the father figure/friend, he mentioned to me that AH had said something similiar to him, but he just hinted, as in maybe i should do something stupid, but not being specific. i couldn't really get the exact words out of him though it was like he was not wanting to tell me exactly what AH said, but he did say that he told AH "what would that prove to any of us?"
and he said, not once, but twice, to me "do you want me to hold a shotgun to your head?".... very different than the i'm so mad i want to kill her right? and to believe his "he was just kidding" thing is not even plausible right? i've tried and tried to find the joke in it. i can't, nothing at all funny about it.
usually people do not go into that detailed of a thing right?
also, how do you tell if they are in a blackout really? or just really drunk? anybody know?
no, i don't want to leave my house, or call the police, but i let the friend know that this was a definite possibility.
i also know i am kidding myself if i think that things are better because he hasn't drank sinse tuesday and he is different and calm now.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Originally Posted by embraced2000 
hope, there are other forms that this could take.
he finally beat me down so mentally that i tried to take my own life.
let me tell you that i am the last person on the face of the earth that anyone would have expected to do something like this.
i had never had a suicidal thought in my entire life. but i did it.
he managed to almost kill me, but at my own hand.
like you, i felt that i had way too much invested financially just to leave.
hindsight now tells me that i should have walked away. the ramifications of a suicide attempt are just as horrendous as trying to live with the alcoholic.
nothing is more important than your life.
with love
jeri
he finally beat me down so mentally that i tried to take my own life.
let me tell you that i am the last person on the face of the earth that anyone would have expected to do something like this.
i had never had a suicidal thought in my entire life. but i did it.
he managed to almost kill me, but at my own hand.
like you, i felt that i had way too much invested financially just to leave.
hindsight now tells me that i should have walked away. the ramifications of a suicide attempt are just as horrendous as trying to live with the alcoholic.
nothing is more important than your life.
with love
jeri
Jeri, Not to hijack this thread or anything, but if I hadn't handled my situation w/my AH the way I did, and still continue to do, I shudder to think that I very well may have ended up in a similar situation. I am printing out this post as a constant reminder to myself of your struggle and what could possibly lie ahead for me if I should deviate from my course. Thank you so much. (((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
When I share, I don't try to give advice or worry about what the other person will do with my share. I lived in a beautiful estate home. Someone talks of killing me? I'm out of there. I understand the house may be very important to others, it was not to me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by hopeangel
anyway, yes, you are all right. i am minimalizing it. i am telling myself that he was just running his mouth, but is that really even possible? i can't imagine saying anything like that to anyone, ever. really.
and he said, not once, but twice, to me "do you want me to hold a shotgun to your head?".... very different than the i'm so mad i want to kill her right? and to believe his "he was just kidding" thing is not even plausible right? i've tried and tried to find the joke in it. i can't, nothing at all funny about it.
usually people do not go into that detailed of a thing right?
also, how do you tell if they are in a blackout really? or just really drunk? anybody know?
and he said, not once, but twice, to me "do you want me to hold a shotgun to your head?".... very different than the i'm so mad i want to kill her right? and to believe his "he was just kidding" thing is not even plausible right? i've tried and tried to find the joke in it. i can't, nothing at all funny about it.
usually people do not go into that detailed of a thing right?
also, how do you tell if they are in a blackout really? or just really drunk? anybody know?
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
I agree the Holidays seem to have a psychosis of their own and can create feelings of loneliness, fear and even lower our boundaries...that should be no reason to put yourself in a dangerous situation. Have you acknowledged that this is not just a phase for him and perhaps he will not change until you leave and even then maybe not?
He obviously feels that his life is out of control and he is willing to bring you down with him and even blame you for being there. If you get blamed anyway wouldn't you rather do it from a vantage point? Go to a friends for awhile just to get a fresh perspective. It really helped me see when I moved away from the situation.
Blackout or not this is extremely aggressive behavior and now that he knows you're still there after this behavior-somewhere in the back of his mind it is o.k.
Umm yeah that will be his next "blackout" and I wouldn't even take the chance. You have a future without him, don't believe that you don't. There are people in here that have found true love at 68 so I don't believe we should stick by them to watch.
It seems like you are worried about him and that is fine I felt the same way but you can love from a distance ...a safe one? Just my thought.
I wish you prayer and hope because I know it is hard.:praying
He obviously feels that his life is out of control and he is willing to bring you down with him and even blame you for being there. If you get blamed anyway wouldn't you rather do it from a vantage point? Go to a friends for awhile just to get a fresh perspective. It really helped me see when I moved away from the situation.
Blackout or not this is extremely aggressive behavior and now that he knows you're still there after this behavior-somewhere in the back of his mind it is o.k.
Umm yeah that will be his next "blackout" and I wouldn't even take the chance. You have a future without him, don't believe that you don't. There are people in here that have found true love at 68 so I don't believe we should stick by them to watch.
It seems like you are worried about him and that is fine I felt the same way but you can love from a distance ...a safe one? Just my thought.
I wish you prayer and hope because I know it is hard.:praying
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
Oh and if anyone hasn't mentioned it Go to your local Library if you're interested and "Codependent No More" M. Beatie will make you so happy to find yourself again in the scenerios and advice...I don't push books but this is a good one for we who support the loved ones lost to addiction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Brockton, Ma
Posts: 41
Dear Hope Angel,
Please, please take yourself out of harm's way. You're concerned with everyone else's safety and life but your own? Why? Your AH obviously needs professional help. You're in counseling and this is very wise on your part. Your house will sell eventually. If he is intent upon hurting himself there's nothing you'll be able to do to stop him. Who can understand him at this time????? Please take yourself out of danger.
Alphawomabn
Please, please take yourself out of harm's way. You're concerned with everyone else's safety and life but your own? Why? Your AH obviously needs professional help. You're in counseling and this is very wise on your part. Your house will sell eventually. If he is intent upon hurting himself there's nothing you'll be able to do to stop him. Who can understand him at this time????? Please take yourself out of danger.
Alphawomabn
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
Hope, just now reading your thread and all the responses.
I bet you have a sibling or a close friend. Imagine if your sibling came to you and told you what you've shared with us. What would you do? I bet you'd do everything in your power to see that your loved one was kept safe.
So...dear loved one Hope Angel, use your Power to take care of yourself! Call the police!! Leave the house!! You are more important than a house or anything in it.
Open your heart, open your eyes, see the Truth...it will save you!!! Please don't deny that he could hurt you, he already has...and will continue to if you let him.
Stop the madness!!! Stop the cycle of abuse!!! You have the Power!!!
Praying for you,
Shivaya
I bet you have a sibling or a close friend. Imagine if your sibling came to you and told you what you've shared with us. What would you do? I bet you'd do everything in your power to see that your loved one was kept safe.
So...dear loved one Hope Angel, use your Power to take care of yourself! Call the police!! Leave the house!! You are more important than a house or anything in it.
Open your heart, open your eyes, see the Truth...it will save you!!! Please don't deny that he could hurt you, he already has...and will continue to if you let him.
Stop the madness!!! Stop the cycle of abuse!!! You have the Power!!!
Praying for you,
Shivaya
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
hi everyone
all your responses have touched me to the core -truly. it's times like these when i read this board and see the strength, caring, and self awareness of the people here that i realize that i am gratful for the relationship i have had with an alcoholic. i really was struggling to find something that i was gratful for from my relationship with him- and here i find it... it has and will make me a stronger person. a lot of people go through their entire lives and never deal with themselves and because of that are not capable of finding true happiness or having a truly loving relationship with anyone. we are forced to do that and for that and all of you, i am gratful.
i really don't know what i am going to do -or how i am going to handle this all- or how i'm going to get through all of it. i'm taking it one day at a time.
AH did not drink until yesterday. i was scared and angry, but he kept to himself and i kept to myself. i am not talking to him again. at least now i have my answer...it doesn't matter what i do or how i act with him until he gets true help and treatment he is going to continue in has addiction.
please keep the prayers coming!!! and thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!
i really don't know what i am going to do -or how i am going to handle this all- or how i'm going to get through all of it. i'm taking it one day at a time.
AH did not drink until yesterday. i was scared and angry, but he kept to himself and i kept to myself. i am not talking to him again. at least now i have my answer...it doesn't matter what i do or how i act with him until he gets true help and treatment he is going to continue in has addiction.
please keep the prayers coming!!! and thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!
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