Laden101

Osakis & All, I am reading the same book too.(Co Dependent No More) I am new to the concept of me being co-dependent, and it is hard to face. I keep thinking that it isn't true and how is a book going to make me better? My abf and I have been together for a little over two years. He has been addicted to meth and been in prison in his past, and when I met him he was trying to start over. Only two weeks after getting together, he unexpectedly had to go back to prison for 8 months due to error in computing his initial terms. So I stuck it out with him and once he was out, he moved in with my son and I. We have been living together ever since, and his two kids moved in with us too. After he soon got out of prison, he started drinking and it eventually became worse. Bf was arrested about 6 months ago and has been ordered to be in treatment, which he has and made it two months sober before beginning to drink again. In the mean time, CPS has taken the kids and they live with the grandparents and I have done everything that CPS has asked and have tried to make my bf "see the light" and see what it is doing to all of us. The thing that I have come to realize is that he only cares about himself, and I am so upset that I can't change that. That is the co-dependency talking I know, but I don't know how to get past this. We are financially unstable and I need him to keep living with me due to he is the only one with the income right now ( I lost my job a month ago and haven't been able to find work). I also don't want him to move out. My view and wants of the future are to be a family and he can't see that cause he only thinks about the here and now. He has said that he wants to move out and still stay together, but I am afraid once he's gone, he will really be gone. I know I shouldn't choose him over my son and I guess ultimately I am because I want and believe we can get the kids back and be a family again. I just don't know what to do without him or how to survive without him. I love him and he still loves me. We got into an argument last night, which has led him to pack a few of his things and leave to go stay at his mom's with his kids. I am at a loss. What am I suppose to do? Do I just let him have his time to be away from me or do I fight to get him back? WOW! I didn't mean to write a novel, but as you might have guessed I am new to this and haven't been able to talk to anyone who understands. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

CatsPajamas

Laden,

Welcome to SR! There will be others along soon who will share their experience, strength and hope with you... and will share what it's been like for them living in a situation similar to yours. It's not easy, for sure, but there are relationships which have thrived and survived when one or more is working a program of recovery.

You might want to take a look at the stickies at the top of this forum and also Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. There's a lot of good information there too.

Again, welcome. You're among friends here.

Cats

Bernadette

Hi --
It seems like you are unhappy with this man and unhappy without him too. I would work on being the best "me" I can be and focus on that feeling of not being able to survive without him. There may be baby steps you can take to teach yourself how to survive without him....

Can you try an AlAnon meeting? they are FREE and you will find many there who share your questions and struggles. And great stuff to read too.

Take the focus off him for a while and make a list, a little paln for yourself, just for today: who are you? and where do you see yourself in a week, a year or five years? Try to stick to YOUR plan- it stops the obsession with the alcoholic.
Peace & Courage--
B.

Laden101

Thanks, I have gotten a lot of advice and I appreciate it all. B - the list sounds like a good idea, I will give it a try. I am also going to look into an Al Anon meeting.
Thanks Again!

freeflower

So you meet this guy who is nothing but trouble..and now you have lost your own child....and now he is gone and you are alone..and you want him back????????????????
Hello.....wake up! Your son needs you way more than this guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!Je....s...us.

freeflower

Woke up after a few very emotional hard days and just couldn't hear another bad story. I'm sorry for you laden101. This whole life of trying to live and recover from any addiction is like hell on earth sometimes..really, you do what you know untill you know better. Sorry for hurting and insulting you at this time in your life. Please keep coming back here....

Freedom1990

I too thought I could never live without a man in my life and set my bar of standards so low that my oldest daughter lived in an environment full of drugs, hate, and violence.

I refused to accept reality and lived for a fantasy, that somehow I could love him enough that he would change, that we would be a happy family. Each day another piece of me died. I was beaten savagely and told over and over what a piece of crap I was, and eventually I bought it 100%.

Today I am proud to say that I raised two daughters by myself for the most part over the last 22 years. At the age of 50 I am now enrolled in college full-time and working towards a double degree.

I have done things I never dreamed possible. I am whole, and I accept me as I am. I don't need a man in my life to complete me, and what a blessing that is!

I pray you find your way out as I did before it's too late because God wants only the best for you. You deserve so much better. :ghug :ghug