ellima01

I don't knowhow many of you out there are Christian's, but I am and about a year ago, I started watching Joel Osteen (any of you watch?) well anyway, recently I bought his book "Becoming a better you", it really is a great book- I love Joel and think he is very inspirational- one chapter in his book is about strife in your home- it speaks of being a peacemaker in you home- not a troublemaker, of how to attempt to over look (for lack of a better word) other peoples faults, since we all have them. I really is a good read- but I would like to ask Joel how all of this works when living with an alcoholic. I have in fact been trying some of these things at home and you know what kept happening- I would say nothing- would have to stop speaking to him because eerything he said was a slur to me and how do I respond and still be a peacemaker? So I would end up being silent all day long- I wondered if any of you have read this book- or books like these and gotten any useful tools from them.

prodigal

I'd suggest you try posting on our "Christians In Recovery" board. I've heard Joel Osteen preach. JMO, but I think he's talking about detachment. I have an AH who is currently on Day #4 of his annual "Christmas bender." There is no fighting. No screaming. No cursing. No acting up or acting out going on in this home.

If your AH is attempting to engage you in conversation, chances are he just wants attention, and any attention will do. Keep your responses short. Occasionally my AH will go on a talking jag when he's drunk. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I discovered that I didn't have to say a thing because he'd just keep talking and talking and talking. Thus, I could walk into another room, turn up the sound on the t.v., or just nod my head or go uh-huh.

A peacemaker is somebody who is at peace with themselves. So be at peace. I'm silent for days on end. I'm not giving AH the cold-shoulder type of silence. I just ignore what he's doing and take care of my own business. It gets to me at times - particularly this time of year - but I get on with what I need to do. I doubt someone who is trashed on booze would remember anything you or I said anyway, which I why I don't engage in any sort of conversations.

Barbara52

I am a Christian. I won't give you my opinion of Osteen just say it's the polar opposite of yours.

A book I highly recommend is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It gives a Biblical perspective on boundaries. They also have a book specifically on boundaries in marriage but I've never read that one.

One thing I know is that being a peacemaker does not mean ignoring the harmful behaviors of another not matter tha cause of that harmful behavior.

cmc

I'm a Christian and a Stephen's Minister. I can't speak for Joel Osteen nor quote from this book you are reading. What I will share is my experience and that is that far too often many churches, pastors, viable ministries and other good people I've come in contact with, who have NO idea about the ins and outs of living with addiction or alcoholism.

Thankfully I'm seeing alot of changes in this area, as many churches are conducting business in ways that actually help those who suffer from this disease.

I find that the ideas put forth in Al-Anon fulfill my Christian idealogy to a tee. I can be a peacemaker for certain and in some situations that's God's will for my life. I don't believe that God want's me to allow the evil effects of another person's choices to affect me; especially when I have a choice to preserve myself, my home or the rest of my family.

If overlooking 'things' and using peacekeeping skills worked, we would not need SR, rehabs or drug counselors. I suggest you read the story of the prodigal son....that boy had to face his consequences away from his family in order to come to his senses.

Please feel free to stop over at the Christians in Recovery Forum here at SR.

denny57

I tend to think preachers like Olsteen are adapting the 12 step programs, which are free. I felt the same way about "The Secret."

Barbara52

Ain't that the truth! When I first left xAH, our pastor became xAH's biggest enabler (along with xAH's mother). He went so far as to use his church discretionary funds to pay xAH's bills (because xAH remained unemployed) even though the RA's in our church tried to help pastor understand that this was not the best way to help xAH. He even allowed xAH to remain as an Elder and Trustee in the church. I have not been attending that church regularly since then because I have such conflicts with the way pastor handle it all. Not to mention pastor ignored me and my needs over the past year and a half.