brundle

Hi All!!! It's been yet another crazy weekend at the loony bin that I feel I need to just get off my chest.

I guess everyday here anymore is a kind of hard. My AH is still working but his alcoholism is progressing more rapidly. I'm still planning on moving out, but have yet to find a place to take 3 cats; this will be an issue with the kids.

Friday I was suppose to go out with a friend and it fell through I told AH that morning. He came home 2 hours later then normal with a pair of new sneaker for himself, never called ( he never does and doesn't have a cell; doesn't want me "keeping tabs on him"). Wondered why I wasn't out. I had to re-explain.

On Saturday, I forgot what day it was and woke 17 year old son up for school. He got dressed and came down before he realized the day. We then planned to go out for breakfast. We had a blast. AH didn't wake up until about noon that day so we where just getting home as he was getting up. He drinks to a stupor every night. I asked him that day if he had any plans for Sunday he said "NO".

At this point he does nothing but sit in our finished basement (that he finished for himself; not the kids) and watches TV and drinks. He helps with nothing; He's just down there or outside smoking.

I told him that an old friend of my daughter's wanted us to have lunch with her after church and I was think of going too. Well he FREAKED OUT!!! Screaming about how I never do anything with him and I could ask him to do something blah, blah, blah (wait is this quacking?)

Anyway, years ago I wouldn't have gone. Now I calmly told him that this was the only weekend in I can't remember how long that I've had two mornings planned! He of course did he "punishment" thing after he finished throwing insults; by not talking and stomping around. Like I care anymore. I went to bed, church and breakfast. He was just crawling out of bed when we got home at noon. He sat in his basement the rest of the day as usual.

Yesterday, he went to work then bowling and was home by 11:15pm without ever calling me once (that's how it always is). He arrived smelling of old cigars and stale beer. Gave me crap that he wanted sex (as if). I was in trouble again until he remembered that I have a surgery planned on Thursday. Then he became all kind and loving (in a swaying gross kind of way). I was told that he had only taken half the day off and would have to get a ride to the hospital, but he could pick me up.

I had already talked to my daughter and sister, I really don't want him with me. I know I'm mean he's a saint...LOL...

Well that's my story... I just need to let it out and get good vibes or something...

Thanks for Listening!!!

CatsPajamas

It sounds like you're doing better with taking care of yourself!

When I started doing that, it felt so odd and unnatural. I spent a good part of my life taking care of everyone else and making sure THEY were ok. I took actions so that they wouldn't have much pain or be uncomfortable, often at my own expense.

Well, then I found recovery and I learned about boundaries and about taking care of myself. At first it was awkward, because I had "changed the dance". I was doing things differently, and everyone noticed and stumbled around for a bit because they had to take responsibility for their own choices, actions and behaviors. It took awhile, but I got better. Today, I check in with myself first. I make sure that I'm not hungry, angry, lonely or tired. (we call that H.A.L.T) If I am, I take care of it. I also don't let someone else's mood determine my day or my actions.

Way to go! I would call that a good weekend.

Hugs
Cats

ToughChoices

Sounds like he's scared.

I'm just picturing this lonely, angry, bitter person sitting by himself in his basement, alone, drinking -
But wanting you. And your family.

What conflict must exist in the mind of an addict!

I'm so glad to read about your weekend, brundle.
I'm glad that you don't sound conflicted - you want a happy and peaceful life, and you're willing to do the work required to get it.

Good on you! You and your husband are in my prayers today.
-TC

brundle

ToughChoices you sound like a kind and good soul. I wish I didn't want to just smack him all the time. Your right he does sound sad. The funny thing is sometimes I take pity on him and ask him to do things; but he turns me down. It hurts my feelings so I ask him less and less.

Seems like everyone just looses in addiction.