bluejupiter

He went and opened a cell phone account when he was released from jail on 11/21. Verizon ok'ed his credit and he walked out with a cell phone and nothing due till the 1st bill. It won't get paid but he's got a phone for now. The first free one was gone in 2 days. How he got a replacement is beyond me. He probably charges it at coffee shops. He won't be able to pay the first bill, which will go to his parents address. He won't have it long.

bluejupiter

But he wasn't homeless and saying things on the street are magical a few weeks ago. He wasn't hopeless then. He has gone downhill since then...

denny57

He isn't hopeless now. There is always hope. But I don't sacrifice my health, my sanity, my job, myself to someone else.

((( )))

bluejupiter

He was arrested last night. Peacefully and no new charges. He'll have to be picked up by Weld county, but I don't know how long he'll be in. His missed court date on Friday was for driving on a revoked license - his 4th arrest for that in 4 months. His mom just emailed me and said assuming he can't post bond, they'll keep him till he does a plea to the weld cty charges and there will prob be immediate sentencing. He has more court on jan 8 so depending on timing and the weld cty sentence, he may or may not be out. Regardless, as horrible as it all is, it's a relief. Hes off the streets and hopefully will get some care - dental and mental.

GiveLove

I'm glad your mind can be at ease for a while, jupiter

:ghug3

Freedom1990

So what are you going to start doing for yourself in order to heal? There's always another crisis down the road with an A.

Kallista

I have bipolars in my family and we've gone through the "no meds" panics many, many times.

Being a bipolar is lshares some aspects with being an addict/alcoholic. Exactly like it. Your ex was on medication for his mental illness and chose to go off his medication because he'd rather be sick than deal with the way the medication made him feel. It was his choice. He is experiencing the consequences of his choice.

The only way you can help him is to force him to take his medication. A hospital may be able to force him to take medication for a few days, but even they can't do it long term. If you drag him off to the hospital, he'll get out and then he will choose again whether to take his bipolar drugs or not. You may find the results of his choice to be upsetting, but that doesn't give you the right or the ability to take away his choice.

bluejupiter

Thanks everyone for the kind words and suggestions. I am taking a break from the drama for a while! My new insurance starts on the 1st and I will find a good therapist to deal with all this drama that i've been through. My mom gets here Monday from England for a 2 week visit, so I'm putting my mind on preparing for the holidays, and my job and ME.
Happy Holidaze everyone.

Aesakitty

I was just trying to make the point that many mentally ill A’s can take care of themselves, and I used my family members as an example. I thought they were a good example because Juniper mentioned how he did not used to act this way, so I was making the suggestion that part of his issues were for attention. My mentally ill family members have admitted to using this tactic, especially when they were drinking/on drugs and living on the street. I was in no way saying I was an expert. I was sharing my advice and experiences, as the rest of us have done. I just felt the need to speak up because of my close experience with the mentally ill. I had hoped it would provide a different perspective on the situation. What I was not doing was comparing jumping off a bridge with weird phone calls that do not make any sense. I have gone through both. One is a serious mental health and safety issue, and the other is not. I was suggesting to be suspicious of the one that is not.

I hope this has cleared up my last post. It was not my intention to offend anyone, just to help.

I also hope you find time to work on you. Good luck.

bluejupiter

So it turns out his mom turned him in. He called her tonight from jail and just tore her up, said he hates her, and that he should hang himself in his cell. he said he was going to get her, and is just beyond furious with her.

She is a mess. She feels like hell. Shes afraid his anger at her will interfere with him ever taking any responsibility and trying to get better. I just feel awful too because i encouraged her to do this. I am trying to tell her that its not her fault, his actions basically backed her into a corner where she didn't know what else to do. He might never forgive her. The whole situation is absolutely horrible. Yes he is safe now but boy is he angry.

Barbara52

I hope you can tell his mom that he owns his feelings, including the anger, and will have to find his own way to deal with everything. She did what she thought was best, trying to get him where he might be able to help himself.

Mr B

It's easier for him to blame others for the predicament he's in rather than looking to his own choices that caused him to have a warrant out for his arrest in the first place.

Taking a step back from this kind of chaos sometimes requires us to take steps to limit how much other people can unwittingly try to drag us back into that chaos. I am sure his mother is hurting bad right now but if her using you as an emotional dumping ground for the distress she feels is causing you to become embroiled in the drama all over again, it may be worth considering asking her not to talk to you about him.

Mr B.

sojourner

If the emotions and drama were not running the show here, his mother would have immediately talked to the sergeant (or whoever) is in charge of the jail and reported that suicide threat....

Everybody is playing the addict's game - everybody has yet to learn how to step back, stop reacting, and play their own game...

Recovery is a journey - and i really believe you are going to grow through this into a new level... the only way out for you is through.

bluejupiter

I guess the question is - did she do the right thing? Considering everything - we all - her, his dad and sister and I - were afraid the next call would be from the morgue. he was living on the edge and just didn't care. She felt like she was saving his life. If we got that dreaded call - we would have all wished we had done more. Hes mentally ill. Its not just drugs and alcohol. If it were your kid - would you have done the same thing?

sojourner

don't get me wrong on this - the parents did the right thing in getting him into jail - i just wanted to point out that if your ex-MIL were playing her own recovery "game" then she would have picked up on that suicide threat and immediately jumped on it in order to have it dealt with on a professional level - not to try to "force" the addict into something but merely to teach/train him that anytime he makes those kinds of statements he will be taken seriously. If he is serious about attempting suicide then the professionals will deal with it. If it was just trying to upset his mother and he never meant it then next time he might control his tongue around his parents. That type of manipulation can be rooted out and should be rooted out.

bluejupiter

Interesting. Good point sojourner. At this point though I'm trying to stay out of it - what's between them is between them. But yeah - he is extremely manipulative and I didn't even see that as manipulation. I don't think he meant it - I'm pretty sure he was just trying to upset her. It was a response to her saying she was afraid he might die. He also said he was just fine - homeless and broken tooth and all - and he doesn't understand why she would do this. His mind isn't working right.

sojourner

staying out of it is a great idea for you - but consider in the future how you could respond if he or anyone else were to ever say that to you....

bluejupiter

Yeah his manipulation is hard to respond to. His favorite with me is "If you are not going to be with me, be mine, then I'm not going to get clean, and thats my decision" I try to explain he's got it backwards - I wont be with him if hes not clean - but he doesn't hear that. He simply hears only what he wants to hear, and usually I cant even say anything - he won't let me talk (thats the bipolar). I finally told him fine. Cut off your nose to spite your face. Trying to tell him that he needs to get clean for HIM, not me, is like talking to my cat. He just doesn't get it. This is why I stopped talking to him, stopped answering his phone calls, because the less we talk, the less he can pull that stuff - the manipulation and guilt trips, etc. Not talking to him is the biggest favor I've done myself.

GiveLove

Not involving yourself in this chaos any more, jupiter (not just him, but his family as well) might be the second-biggest.

Hugs,
GL

denny57

Everyone seems miserable. It's exhausting to live in drama all the time.