he called again
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
he called again
my husband called tonight, i wasnt going to answer but his mom has been so worried cause she hasnt heard from him so i answered, hes at a rehab, i havent heard from him in the last two weeks, he said he has to be there 6 months, i tell him theres no point in you calling me im filing for divorce, hes like we have a son (dont know if he means we need to be together because of that or we just need to have contact because of that) he said he was calling to see how me and ben were doing, that he was trying to get his life together, i said whats that got to do with me, he just said dont argue with me i took the time out to call you (like hes doing me some big favor by calling me) im like you dont expect me to wait 6 months on you, hes like i have to be in here that long, totally missing my point, im like why didnt you call your girlfriend, he says he doesnt have one, i remind him of the last time i seen him and he says he didnt sleep with her, i dont know and i dont want to know, i told him about being in the hospital and problems with my gallbladder he just made a joke about it saying he would take it out for me, not even concerned at all, he thinks everything is a joke, im sittin in a world of hurt and everything is fine and dandy with him and he acts like he cant figure out why i wouldnt want to talk to him ,he wants me to bring the baby up there when he can have visitation in 3-4 weeks, like im suppose to just do that for him like he hasnt treated me like sh*t, hes finally like ill call you back tomorrow take care of my boy, im like what do you think ive been doing the past month, then hes like do i sound better, im just like yeah sure
why cant he just leave me alone, i dont want to deal with this, i dont know if he wants me or not and i dont want to find out i just want to be left alone, theres no guarentee that he will stay sober, i feel like hes still trying to string me along cause i bet hes in contact with that girl and she will be coming up there when he can have visitation, im not dealing with none of that crap anymore i dont trust him or believe anything he says, if he calls back tomorrow i have to get the name of the rehab for his mom and then im going to tell him to just leave me alone, when he gets out he can take me to court and get visitation but until then i want nothing to do with him, im trying to move on and i cant do that with contact
my mom wants me to keep contact and go to family sessions if they have them at that rehab, but she dont want me to take him back, she says i can help make him a better person if i can get him to realize everything hes done, i said i cant do that, ill end up back with him or hurt even more if hes sober and still doesnt want me or i have to deal with seeing the OW, my mom is out of her mind thinking i should do that, why would i want to help him be a better person for some other woman, makes no sense
i should have known he was gonna call today, ive felt off all day, ive been doing so good so i couldnt figure out why i was down, i guess i can feel when hes thinking about me or something, he also made a joke that he hadnt talked to me in a month, i just said nothing, then hes like no its only been two weeks right, i just said i dont know i didnt keep up, so him being sober aint changed nothing he still thinks he's mister innocent
when is this all going to end im so tired of dealing with it, and i know that little seed of hope is trying to plant in my head and im fightin it cause i dont want it, i want to change my number but i have so much tied in with it that it would be so much of a headache to do that
i just want him to leave me alone, i dont have the energy for him and i cant get past my resentments of him or forget what hes done to even be friends with him for the sake of our son, hes just going to have to take me to court for visitations im not taking him to see him, its not my place to have to do that, i just cant forgive him this time or be in his life i just cant do it anymore
how can you love someone so much and hate then so much at the same time
why cant he just leave me alone, i dont want to deal with this, i dont know if he wants me or not and i dont want to find out i just want to be left alone, theres no guarentee that he will stay sober, i feel like hes still trying to string me along cause i bet hes in contact with that girl and she will be coming up there when he can have visitation, im not dealing with none of that crap anymore i dont trust him or believe anything he says, if he calls back tomorrow i have to get the name of the rehab for his mom and then im going to tell him to just leave me alone, when he gets out he can take me to court and get visitation but until then i want nothing to do with him, im trying to move on and i cant do that with contact
my mom wants me to keep contact and go to family sessions if they have them at that rehab, but she dont want me to take him back, she says i can help make him a better person if i can get him to realize everything hes done, i said i cant do that, ill end up back with him or hurt even more if hes sober and still doesnt want me or i have to deal with seeing the OW, my mom is out of her mind thinking i should do that, why would i want to help him be a better person for some other woman, makes no sense
i should have known he was gonna call today, ive felt off all day, ive been doing so good so i couldnt figure out why i was down, i guess i can feel when hes thinking about me or something, he also made a joke that he hadnt talked to me in a month, i just said nothing, then hes like no its only been two weeks right, i just said i dont know i didnt keep up, so him being sober aint changed nothing he still thinks he's mister innocent
when is this all going to end im so tired of dealing with it, and i know that little seed of hope is trying to plant in my head and im fightin it cause i dont want it, i want to change my number but i have so much tied in with it that it would be so much of a headache to do that
i just want him to leave me alone, i dont have the energy for him and i cant get past my resentments of him or forget what hes done to even be friends with him for the sake of our son, hes just going to have to take me to court for visitations im not taking him to see him, its not my place to have to do that, i just cant forgive him this time or be in his life i just cant do it anymore
how can you love someone so much and hate then so much at the same time
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Trust me Restless, it is very easy to feel love and hatred at the same time when you are being tossed around in your head by someone. We can be as determined as we want, and think we are doing fine, then just a little heel tap and our feet slip out from under us and down we go. If you don't want to see him or have him phoning you, you can tell him so and if he persists in ringing after that, you can just not answer.
Do what you want and need to do for your own sanity and happiness.
God bless
Do what you want and need to do for your own sanity and happiness.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
restless, next time the phone rings, I'm thinking maybe you should play the tape all the way through before you answer. You know this is exactly what you're going to get every time -- more craziness, more drama, more junk, more abuse, more control.
There is no good reason to answer the phone for this man, regardless of who hasn't heard from him, regardless of whether he's drinking or not, honest to god there is nothing this man can offer you and your son but more pain and chaos.
If you want the next few years of your life to be just as bad as the last ones, please feel free to take his mom's advice. You'll discover new, fantastic ways of suffering that you hadn't dreamed of before, and you'll drag your son into it too. I'm sensing you want something better for yourself, better than more lies, fooling around, abuse, and being treated like trash.
But that's just my two cents. I think you and ben deserve better. "My boy" ???? So now he owns him, even though he's done precisely jack to support you or him? Great, just great.
There is no good reason to answer the phone for this man, regardless of who hasn't heard from him, regardless of whether he's drinking or not, honest to god there is nothing this man can offer you and your son but more pain and chaos.
If you want the next few years of your life to be just as bad as the last ones, please feel free to take his mom's advice. You'll discover new, fantastic ways of suffering that you hadn't dreamed of before, and you'll drag your son into it too. I'm sensing you want something better for yourself, better than more lies, fooling around, abuse, and being treated like trash.
But that's just my two cents. I think you and ben deserve better. "My boy" ???? So now he owns him, even though he's done precisely jack to support you or him? Great, just great.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 52
I do so muchbetter when I don't talk to the xabf. Talking to him just gives him an opportunity to lie to me, manipulate me, guilt trip me, and ruin my day. So I just don't answer. I know there's nothing that either of us can say that will change the current situation. He needs to try to focus on himself and I need to focus on me. It's my decision whether I let him ruin my day or not, so I just don't answer for my own sanity.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
givelove-- its my mom that wanted me to keep contact, but she wants me to be strong enough to not take him back , she just doesnt understand that ill just end up back with him if im around him or talking to him, i dont think she really understands anything about alcoholism or co-dependancy, to her i should be able to just tell him to go to h*ll, she just really dont get it at all
his mom understands me divorcing him, her first husband and my husbands father was an alcoholic and she divorced him so she understands more of this, and shes really good at detaching from him, she wont help him or let him around her while hes drinking, we keep in contact because of ben and i shouldnt lose that part of my family just because of him, shes sent money and baby stuff and ive promised to keep her involved in bens life as much as i can since we live so far apart, but as a mother now myself i can understand her wanting to know where hes at and if hes ok, cause he usually wont call her and now i dont think he can cause its long distance
i do way better not hearing from him, i mean i wish he would get sober for hisself, but i know myself and i cant get past the resentment i have toward him , i cant forgive him anymore for what hes done, its too much of a risk to be with him, i dont want a two or three year old crying in my arms for his daddy
plus he didnt even sound remorseful, he literally asked why i wasnt answering the phone like i have no reason to not answer, and him saying he took the time out to call me is just making me more and more mad, hes still in denial and thinks everything is about him, like he dont remember the last time we saw each other and what he did
if he calls back tonight, which is doubtful, he always says he'll call the next day and then never does, but if he does im just getting the name of the place for my MIL and im gonna tell him to just leave me alone that im not answering anymore calls, if he continues to call then ill just have to go through the hassle of changing my number again
i think the only reason he wanted me to bring ben up there is to show him to whatever other people are in there, he acts like my son is some kind of show piece, and im not letting it happen a second time, hes "MY" boy cause im the one there taking care of him
his mom understands me divorcing him, her first husband and my husbands father was an alcoholic and she divorced him so she understands more of this, and shes really good at detaching from him, she wont help him or let him around her while hes drinking, we keep in contact because of ben and i shouldnt lose that part of my family just because of him, shes sent money and baby stuff and ive promised to keep her involved in bens life as much as i can since we live so far apart, but as a mother now myself i can understand her wanting to know where hes at and if hes ok, cause he usually wont call her and now i dont think he can cause its long distance
i do way better not hearing from him, i mean i wish he would get sober for hisself, but i know myself and i cant get past the resentment i have toward him , i cant forgive him anymore for what hes done, its too much of a risk to be with him, i dont want a two or three year old crying in my arms for his daddy
plus he didnt even sound remorseful, he literally asked why i wasnt answering the phone like i have no reason to not answer, and him saying he took the time out to call me is just making me more and more mad, hes still in denial and thinks everything is about him, like he dont remember the last time we saw each other and what he did
if he calls back tonight, which is doubtful, he always says he'll call the next day and then never does, but if he does im just getting the name of the place for my MIL and im gonna tell him to just leave me alone that im not answering anymore calls, if he continues to call then ill just have to go through the hassle of changing my number again
i think the only reason he wanted me to bring ben up there is to show him to whatever other people are in there, he acts like my son is some kind of show piece, and im not letting it happen a second time, hes "MY" boy cause im the one there taking care of him
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Mudgee NSW
Posts: 70
Veryrestless722 it sounds like you are a really good mum and that your son will grow up with a lot of love from you and his grandmother, even if she is a long way away. Letters and presents in the mail make life exciting.......particularly if they are sprinkled with a few visits at Christmas holiday times.
Your husband has said things and behaved horribly to you. Don't believe that he hasn't a clue that he's winding you up. You are his wife and he knows exactly how to make you angry. But I remember my husband telling something the rehab counsellors used to say to them when they were being smart-*sses, "if you think you're going so well just have a look at your address".............
You don't know how re-hab will change him.
Do you go to meetings like al-anon or some such support meeting for you?
Your husband has said things and behaved horribly to you. Don't believe that he hasn't a clue that he's winding you up. You are his wife and he knows exactly how to make you angry. But I remember my husband telling something the rehab counsellors used to say to them when they were being smart-*sses, "if you think you're going so well just have a look at your address".............
You don't know how re-hab will change him.
Do you go to meetings like al-anon or some such support meeting for you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
no i dont go to al-anon i tried it once its not for me i dont like talking in a group, i have social aniexty - i like this message board better, i do better reading others stories or posting than i would talking to people
no i dont know how rehab will change him, maybe he will sober up i dont know but i do know for my own sanity i dont want him in my life, the husband i had died a long time ago, this person he is now is not someone i even like
now hes more like oh since im getting help then everything in the past should be forgotten and forgived and i dont think that way
no i dont know how rehab will change him, maybe he will sober up i dont know but i do know for my own sanity i dont want him in my life, the husband i had died a long time ago, this person he is now is not someone i even like
now hes more like oh since im getting help then everything in the past should be forgotten and forgived and i dont think that way
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